Tori, Tori, Tori. Life dealt you a mixed hand: Your dad Aaron Spelling produced a gazillion extremely successful TV shows based not on their actors' talent but on their Hollywood gorgeousness. Your mom Candy was, and remains, a sickening sugary little wild one with the brain of a shih tzu. We don't mean to be cruel, but Candy freely admits that she kept adding rooms to her legendary 56.500 sq. ft., 123 room L.A. house because the architects' floor plans looked so small.
So, given that you grew up in an environment where beauty trumped brains every time, we absolutely understand your confused and conflicted ideals and body issues, as painfully illustrated on yesterday's Today show.
Tori, sweetie, we don't want to force your hand, but we suggest that you look to the show Hot in Cleveland. Its premise? Three L.A. showbiz women move to Cleveland when they discover that, while ho-hum by L.A. standards, they're considered on fire by men in the rust belt. Yes, in less bizarrely demanding locales, it is possible to be kind to yourself and be seen as genuinely attractive! You might even learn to semi-like yourself.
Truth be told, we have a real life friend whose husband's career moved her and the kids from Beverly Hills to Ohio. She discovered two things; women in middle America are expected to wear their bras under their clothing and that her teenagers actually preferred life in Ohio to 90210. Tori, play your cards right: You could benefit from the same reality check to realize that life with OK looks and less fabulousness may be the best thing for you, your kids and all those people who look up to you as a role model. We don't know who those alleged people are, but we'll play along.
Besides, Tori, your moving to one of the most ignored and fattest US states would be an ace premise for your next reality show, Life In a Defunct FacTORI Town.
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