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Just when you think reality television can't get any more unreal, our friends from across the pond unveil a brand new series, I'm Hotter Than My Daughter.

Where would anyone get the notion that being sexier and more desirable than their daughters is the goal of any mother?!

The Mamarazzi moms spend $1 million on t-shirts!!!

Guess what? We're lying.

OK, we actually do have a bunch of Mamarazzi t-shirts, courtesy of the lovely Kristin at Baby Brewing. Want a peek? Here's the design:

They're white cotton, fitted, with the design in dark red. To match the website. But they didn't cost anywhere near $3 million. How could they? They're t-shirts.

What brought this on? The following headline in The Daily Mail:

Little Miss Precocious: The Cruises' designer daughter Suri, the three-year-old with a million-dollar wardrobe

With a headline like that, how can you not click? We had to see. Sure, we had to see these fabulous clothes, but we also wanted to check the Daily Mail's journalistic know-how.

How did they come up with the million dollar figure? Did they interview shop owners? Sneak into designer baby boutiques and peek at the price tags? Bribe the nanny? Go through the Cruise's trash and collect receipts? Call up Katie Holmes and ask?

Well, guess what. We read through the entire article and found zip. They offered no evidence at all. Go ahead. Read it yourself.

While you're at it, study the pictures. Does that look like a million dollar worth of clothes?

Not yet it doesn't. But with a little photoshopping ...


she looks like a million bucks now!

Ordinarily, we'd be all up in arms over a wee three year old tottering around town in kitten heels

because as grown women, we're very aware the dangers of heels + sidewalk cracks.

However, we're feeling charitable today, as it's clear that Miss Suri is just being her father's daughter.

Suri Cruise turned three this weekend.

Photo from Flickr.

Unlike last year, when her bat shit crazy doting parents threw her a party that reportedly cost $100,000, this year, they kept things low key.

The mini Scientologist had a princess themed party with only a few friends and family present.

Happy birthday sweet girl! Suri, the Mamas' wish for you is that this next year be normal. Just that -- normal.

Photo from JustJared.

It's a seemingly small wish, easy to fulfill. But we're not sure that it's going to be possible.

Photo from Celebritology.

Plus, rumor has it that you're starting your Scientology indoctrination soon.

Good luck Princess Suri. You're going to need it.

Wow, that million dollars spent on advanced lessons for a two-year-old seems to have been a great investment!

Dear Suri,

It's okay. We understand.

(Image courtesy of Dlisted.)

We'd hide our faces too if our father was whoring himself out to promote his crapstastic movie and and if our mother was wearing a bizarre combination of $900 shoes and a bathing suit cover-up.

At this point you, dear child, might be the only sane and non-drugged member of your happy little family.

Honestly Suri, we don't even know how to help, but we'll give it lots of thought.

Love, the Mamas of 'Razzi

What do you think readers? How can we save Suri?

Mamarazzi feels the need to address California's Proposition 8, which seeks to change the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California.

Oh wait... We've got to change the photo.

It's not a loving gay couple.

It's THOSE GUYS again. And they're creeping us out AGAIN.

Comments?

Photos: WENN, INFDaily

Star Magazine claims that Suri Cruise has no little playmates because Tom Cruise is too picky about other people's children. The magazine reports that even when Katie Holmes takes Suri to the gym, they play together in a private room, and not with the other kids.

Of course, Star isn't mentioning that maybe--just maybe--Suri plays inside their 30,000 square foot mansion because her parents don't want to feed the dozens of paparazzi hovering outside.

But a reasonable person might assume that there are privacy issues here. Right?

Of course, we aren't reasonable. We think Suri hangs out with stuffed animals and dolls because they don't mess with her world view:

Suri: OK, see, there's this alien galactic ruler named Xemu, and he's the emperor of Teegeeack.
Doll: ...
Suri: And he gave people shots and put them in rocket and then stacked them up around volcanoes on Teegeeack. Which is here.
Doll: ...
Suri: And then he blew them all up!
Doll: ...
Suri: And then he made everyone watch 3-D movies that were supposed to be real, but were full of false teaching.
Doll ...
Suri: You're right! It does sound an awful lot like the Teletubbies.