Recently in Tom Cruise Category

There have been questions about Suri Cruise's lineage for years, but after looking at old photos, we gotta say, she certainly looks like Daddy's Little Girl to us!

"Remember last week when I fessed up to using Botox and you reporters went apeshit because my BIG, HUGE secret had finally been exposed?!!"

"And it turns out what y'all didn't know was that our secret baby Faith was already home sleeping her bassinette, finally oblivious to Sunday loudly singing her Daddy's songs right by her newborn head in a completely non-silent, unScientological fashion!"

"Yep, the hair might look completely stupid, but this is the guy made me want to unfreeze my face so I could smile for real. I hope when her marriage contract expires, Katie fares as well. I really, really do."

The rest of you can discuss Ellen quitting American Idol and speculate whether J. Lo will actually talk that way when she's on the show.

We're here to praise Nicole Kidman for dyeing her hair red.

Photo courtesy of DListed

First of all, it will inspire Lindsay Lohan to do something in jail other than eat Twizzlers. (Yo Lindsay, you've got some time on your hands ... how about getting rid of that crappy blonde dye job?)

Also, it might provoke an attack of the crazy from Tom Cruise. After all, check out this photo of Katie "Tree Trunks" Holmes. No contest, right?

Photo courtesy of Anthony Dixon/WENN.com

The evidence mounts: Tom Cruise bases his life on classic movies.

His life has mirrored 1941's Citizen Kane. Kane came to unlikely wealth in his youth when a massive gold deposit was discovered under his impoverished mom's land.

Cruise came to unlikely wealth in the pseudo-John Hughes flick Risky Business by dancing in his tightie whities.

Kane surprised everyone by marrying a dignified, exquisite woman who was, quite frankly, out of his league.

Cruise surprisingly married the stiff but regal and classically gorgeous Nicole Kidman.

In both cases, it did not end well.

Then Kane married a sweet, innocent young thing.

Taaa-daaa! Ditto Tom, with Katie Holmes.

Both Kane and Cruise molded their adorable girlish wives into something they weren't: Posh. Ha ha, pun intended!

Kane encouraged, nay, forced his sweet young thing to star in the classiest of stage performances, an opera. Kane's wife was ill-equipped for the job and suffered very bad reviews, indeed.

Tom just may have landed a serious, heavy Broadway role for little Katie in All My Sons. Katie dutifully slogged through a role and venue way too big for her.

Thanks to their husbands' pushy ways, both Kane's wife and Katie very quickly grew old and miserable.

Tom reportedly desperately wants Katie to have a second child. We've read that Katie is going through a rigorous and painful Scientology "cleansing" program as well as all sorts of um, unusual testing and instruction to become worthy of bearing another child. Some go so far as to speculate that Katie will be impregnated with Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's old frozen sperm. And damn, we are so willing to believe it.

Getting healthy before getting pregnant is optimal, but going through "cleansing", "education", questioning and who knows what else is weird and demanding, right?

Tom, Katie's already produced a beautiful child for you and goodness knows, we've been treated to photos of Suri practically daily since her babyhood. Clearly, the child is well taken care of, right? What's with all the pre-conception demands that, we repeat, we are so willing to believe?

Tom, take our advice, please. Citizen Kane died miserable and alone. His last utterance was a whispered, "Rosebud". At the end of a life pushing people around, he longed for something pure and simple, a peacefulness that he'd rejected in the name of ego. We won't spoil Citizen Kane's ending, but we will say that, at the end of his life, Kane had majah regrets.

Tom, we think you need to find your own Rosebud. We think maybe you could also take a chill pill.

It's OK if you wash it down with your beloved barley milk. One step at a time, Tom. One step at a time.

Photos, in order: RKO Pictures (all Citizen Kane),Warner Bros.(Risky Business), Time magazine, The WB (Katie Holmes), Big Pictures (Katie & Posh), AP Photo/Boneau/Bryan-Brown, Joan Marcus (All My Sons), WENN (Katie tired).

Ordinarily, we'd be all up in arms over a wee three year old tottering around town in kitten heels

because as grown women, we're very aware the dangers of heels + sidewalk cracks.

However, we're feeling charitable today, as it's clear that Miss Suri is just being her father's daughter.

Everyone deserves love.

However, when the 2nd love starts to closely resemble the 1st, you may want to coax him back to a beachy blonde, lest your children get all confused.

Wow, that million dollars spent on advanced lessons for a two-year-old seems to have been a great investment!

Tom Cruise has had a big week. He channeled Elvis on The Tonight Show - and he swung his hips remarkably well

He read Letterman's Top Ten list! Well, kinda. He had a little trouble with a couple of the words, but he handled that charmingly.

He gushed about Suri's future acting career and her advanced vocabulary! Here she's telling Tom to please quit using her as paparazzi bait. Actually, it looks as though Tom's using her as a human shield.

Tom's been talking a lot about the wonderful things he's doing all week long for Katie's 30th birthday! Oh, Tom, you are the ultimate romantic dream, no?

Tom's poured on the charm unusually thickly this week. It seems like he's grinning and gabbing about everything that he's got going on, right?

But we can't shake this nagging feeling that there's something else he's supposed to be talking about. We mean, if he's chatting with People magazine and making the talk show circuit, he must be plugging something, right?

Oh yeah! He made this movie quite a while ago that's been in post production for an awfully long time. One might think the producers have tried editing tricks to make a bad movie better.

Good thing Tom got a Golden Globe nomination for a very brief appearance in "Tropic Thunder"! But considering the other Best Supporting Actor nominees are Robert Downey, Jr., Ralph Fiennes, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Heath Ledger as The Joker, we expect to hear Tom talk about why he suddenly looks 15 years younger anything... except Valkyrie. Or that whole Xenu thing.

Thoughts?

Photos: WENN , INF

Photo credit: People magazine

Perez Hilton has posted a video that looks suspiciously like Tom Cruise is making little Suri pose for the paparazzi and other gawkers. Check it out.

Suri is clearly unhappy with the crowd and tries to hide her face in her blanket. Daddy Tom poses with his little girl anyway. Why Tom, why? Why make the child have her photo taken if she doesn't want to? Why give the photogs what they want at the expense of your child's comfort?

On the other hand, perhaps there's a bit of genius behind this tactic. By willingly allowing people to photograph the family, perhaps Tom is actually making things easier for his child. If the Cruises had not stopped for the cameras, would the paparazzi have become more aggressive in their attempts to get photos? Would the paps have chased the Cruises through the streets of New York, just like they used to hound the late Princess Diana?

So what do you think? Please let us know over at Jen's blog.