Recently in Salma Hayek Category

Salma Hayek is the world's greatest soccer mom.

See, many of you might not know it (because you're American) but the World Cup is happening even as we speak. And Salma Hayek is a huge soccer fan. (Emphasis on huge.)

Ordinary people--people who are incapable of deep, nuanced thinking about serious subjects like celebrity boobs would say that Salma's recent appearances on the red carpet and on Letterman were designed to promote Grown Ups.

Pshaw! Too pat; too simple. Here's our theory:

When she appears on Letterman wearing a black leather outfit,

and then on the red carpet wearing a white strapless dress,

(in both cases, looking remarkably globular) she's trying to send out subliminal messages about the World Cup.

Since her husband is French, we're guessing the messages might be something along the lines of "Go, Mexico!" and "BWAHAHAHAHA ... France. Must. Die!"

And so far, it has worked.

Believe in the power of Salma and her subliminal balls. We do.

Dear Busty:

If you're going to marry a man for his money

at least spend it wisely.

xxx,
Mamarazzi

Photos courtesy of Just Jared

Salma Hayek's already feeling pressure to potty train her barely 2 year old daughter, Valentina. Seems that the pressure's coming from Valentina herself!

Salma recently told Access Hollywood, "She's like, 'Take these off, Mommy. I can go to the bathroom."

Can we identify? NO. Honestly, if our kids had their way, they'd have gradutated to Depends.

As for us, our goal has been getting our kids trained by, let's say high school.

Salma went on to say, "But I'm like, 'I don't want you to because I still want you to wear the diaper when we go out because I don't know how to handle the public bathrooms with you. Give me some time.'"

YES! We get it! Thanks to having had kids in the throes of potty training, we know every public bathroom in town. We've learned to rate public bathrooms by one major criterium: Are we willing to rest our diaper bag on the floor?

So Salma, we completly identify with you!

Except for the movie star, sex symbol and billionaire husband parts.

Oh, and the $20,000 diaper bag part, too.

Salma Hayek's little girl Valentina turned one this past weekend.

Happy birthday Valentina!

We hope you had a lovely day and that you received some fun toys, but what we'd really like is for something to be taken away from you. What would that be? Let's see how observant the readers of Mamarazzi are:

(Photo courtesy of Google Images.)

(Photo courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.)

(Photo courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.)

Yes readers, you are correct. It appears that little Valentina has been wearing a sweet little bracelet for several months now. While we Mamas agree that a girl can never have too much jewelry, we do think that baby girls should wait until they're old enough not to put choking hazards in their mouths.

But what do you think? Should babies wear jewelry? Since the comments are still broken here, click here and voice your opinion.

and it's "Got To Be Real."

US Magazine is running a little feature showing us how fast the stars get their figures back after they give birth.

And it's fast. Nicole Ritchie went from anorexic to great with child to anorexic in the time it takes us to put a Netflix DVD into its red envelope and shove it into the mailbox.

And that's why--speaking of envelopes--we'd like to hand out an early Emmy. We're awarding it to Salma Hayek, producer of Ugly Betty

and a little girl named Valentina.

The reward is for looking like a woman who has just had a baby.

First of all, you know how the average star is running around with a little tiny bump? Not our Salma. When Salma was pregnant, she wasn't just big--she was HUGE.

Salma, we feel your pain. Especially in that last picture.

But the best part comes later. Instead of looking perfectly coiffed and having 30 extra pounds liposuctioned off of her, she actually looks ... kind of shitty.

"Shitty" of course, being a relative term. Let's face it. Salma is this generation's Ava Gardner. Or Raquel Welch. Whatever--we're not running one the many, many super-hot "before" pictures of Salma, because frankly? It's demoralizing. Google them for yourselves, if you must.

So it cheers us up to see the post-partum Salma looking a little frizzy. And chunky.

And still missing her teeny tiny little waistline.

Thank you, Salma. We who are about to admit that we'll never get back into our pre-pregnant jeans salute you.