Recently in Reality TV Category

If you're like us, you're probably having a heck of a time telling some of these so-called "stars" apart.

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For example, at first we thought this was J-Lo. Or maybe Emma Caulfield. Then we realized that it's Molly Sims. But hey, everyone's blonde these days. Who can tell them apart?

But then even the brunettes started to confuse us.

See, there used to be one famous brunette. Her name was Kim Kardashian. She was curvy, wore way too much makeup, and dressed like a skank.

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Then she got a reality TV show and we discovered that she has sisters. All pretty much identical: deeply tanned, loaded with makeup, flaunting miles of cleavage.

But then Jersey Shore made its debut.

The Jersey Shore

Frankly, we're glad we don't live in Miami, because right now the sidewalks must be teeming with Kardashian klones sisters and Jersey Shore Guidettes. How can anyone be expected to tell them apart?

We don't mean to brag, but it's easier than you think.

1. Does the skank you've spotted look like something out of a fast-food clamshell? This is key. Snooki reminds us of a Chicken McNugget, whereas the Kardashian sisters look like a bucket of KFC.

Les Trois Kardashian Skanques

2. Once you've established their essential golden brown greasy crispiness, check for hoops. If they're being used to hold a bathing suit together, it's a Kardashian.

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If they're so big, you could use them in the powder room to hold guest towels, you're looking at a Guidette.

Snooki


At least you've never signed your children up for this:

Mamarazzi wonders just how loud the outcry would be if this was a video of little girls on a pole?

Does anyone out there remember The Love Boat? Or Fantasy Island?

Before reality TV was invented, these cheesey situation comedies served a vital purpose: they temporarily took a has-been off the crowded dinner theater stage and for one brief, shining moment, put him or her back into the spotlight.

Until recently, parenting didn't work like that. You had one chance to raise your kids, and if you screwed it up, nobody gave you another kid to raise. Until now.

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Yes, just as shows like Dancing with the Stars bring people like Billy Ray Cyrus back onto center stage, internet tabloids like TMZ.com are allowing people the chance to post open letters to other people's children.

And thus, Candy Spelling, notorious for being the mother of Tori Spelling, a talentless, vacuous, empty-headed bleached blonde, recently used TMZ.com to post an open letter to Paris Hilton, a ditto.

Considering Candy Spelling's child-raising stats, we're wondering whether a stint on Dancing with the Stars might not be a better idea.

Image courtesy of TMZ.com

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