Recently in Pamela Anderson Category

We're not exactly sure when Playboy magazine lost its last vestige of hipness, but as bad boy cultural institutions go, it's right up there with Harley Davidson motorcycles and The Rolling Stones.

In other words, no one under 40 is interested.

Our theory is that Playboy is gradually positioning itself as the skin mag of the AARP--the magazine that makes aging Baby Boomer males feel young! And alive!

Which explains why they decided to put Pamela Anderson on their next cover.

We're not saying Pamela doesn't look great, because she does. If somewhat ... retouched. And pneumatic.

It's just that the cover looks an awful lot like this

Right down to the tousled blonde hair, black bustier, and tribal tattoo. But this is a still from Barb Wire, a film that was released in 1996.

Here we are, on the brink of starting the second decade of the 21st century, and Pamela looks the way she did in the 90s. We're not going to go all Picture of Dorian Gray or start rumors about vampires quite yet (even though some of us are Buffy fans who were English majors.)

And anyway, it gets weirder. Pamela Anderson first appeared on the cover of Playboy in 1989. Which means that if Playboy covers could go to school, that cover would be a college graduate who has moved back home and is playing video games in the basement.

And it looks like Pamela Anderson may very well be appearing on the cover of Playboy when her kids have kids, giving rise to a whole new icky acronym, GILF.

So. We stand by our assertion that while its subscribers weren't looking, Playboy magazine was secretly bought by the AARP.

It's that time again, dahhhh-lings, New York Fashion Week, in which we learn what we are to wear this upcoming Fall and Winter.

1. As dictated by the photo above, look absolutely wiped out. Win! We can do that!

2. Rodarte suggests we wrap ourselves in anything we can find during the moments between stuffing Pop Tarts® into our kids' mouths and whisking them to the bus stop. Can do!

3. The divine Kimora Lee's Baby Phat line encourages us to forget to put on our pants before rushing out the door. No problem-o!

4. Better yet, just wear your robe all day. Hey, Donna Karan, we're WAY ahead of you.

5. For the man in your life, Vivienne Westwood suggests that he forget to take off the crown upon exiting the neighborhood Burger King®. Done and done.

6. Finally, rounding out the fashion trends we can achieve, bless Richie Rich and Pamela Anderson for reminding us that it's OK to rock our bumpy thighs at the beach. Yes. We. Can! And will. Phooey.

Andy Warhol is famous for saying, "In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." (In his case, he was famous for longer than 15 minutes. What's up with that, Andy?)

At any rate, we think it's time to update Warhol's saying. We say "In the future, everyone will launch a celebrity fragrance."

Think about it. Everyone with any pretensions to fame has a signature fragrance. Recent or soon-to-be-launched celebrity scents are coming from: Reese Witherspoon, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Daisy Fuentes, David and Victoria Beckham, Faith Hill, Halle Berry, Demi Moore, J-Lo, Kim Kardashian, Eva Longoria, Paris Hilton, Gwen Stefani, Rihanna, and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Who's next, Octomom? We're surprised Brad Pitt hasn't come out with Eau de Goatee.

With all this cologne flooding the stores, there must be some way to figure out what to buy.

Mamarazzi is here to help. Our number one tip: never buy a fragrance marketed by anyone who's made a sex tape.

Which is why we're not heading to Rite-Aid to buy a bottle of Pamela Anderson's Malibu Pink. Hello? The name alone boggles the mind.

Dear Pamela:

Recently you've been quoted in the media saying that your 12- and 13-year old sons are unaware of your career.

Well, enjoy this halcyon state while it lasts.

We don't know whether you've noticed, but kids these days are all over the internet.

And so are you.

Listen, this is experience talking.

When you have a 13-year-old son and you blog as "Poppy Buxom," the other kids take notice. And that was just a blog.

It wasn't a sex tape or a Playboy centerfold or a lot of breast surgery or serial marriages or romping around in a red bathing suit on television or squillions of pictures all over the internet your impressive body of work.

Trust us. It's inevitable. Act like a Boy Scout--be prepared.

Sincerely yours,
Mamarazzi

Test your celebrity parenting IQ! Read the following and decide which celebrity mom is most likely to say the following:

"They got in trouble because my children are riding their dirt bikes through the whole trailer park, going crazy, doing flips - and everyone's concerned for their safety. And my mom's like, 'Oh, they've been riding the whole weekend, they're having a blast!' I was like, 'They're not allowed to ride their dirt bikes in the trailer park!' They terrorize the neighborhood the whole time."

"But I think when somebody says something bad about your mother, what are you supposed to do? It is hard when other kids are like, 'I've seen your mom with her clothes off!' I've tried to teach my kids I have no problem with nudity. Violence isn't good but my son was really upset, he was shaking and crying and looking in my eyes. It's so sad."

Choices:

A) Britney Spears in about 10 years. Her little guys are going to be paying for Mommy's music videos and that whole lack-of-underpants era for the rest of their lives.

B) Jenna Jameson in 5 years. Having a mom who was a famous porn star requires growing up fast, which could easily mean learning to ride a dirt bike in kindergarten to escape bullies and teasing.

C) Pamela Anderson, present day. Way better to have the reputation of "Crazy biker kid" than "Son of sagging former Playboy model who enjoyed sex with dubious partners and is still naked a lot."

D) All the of above. These poor little rich boys are SO SCREWED ALREADY, OMG.

OK, we made that up. We just wanted to show you pictures of Pamela modeling a new piece from her new fashion line.

Piece of what? (Are we supposed to be noticing her shoes?)

Is it a scarf?

A swimsuit coverup?

Oh, wait--it's a hijab!

In your face, Islamic fundamentalists! Look how demure Pam looks with her head covered up.

She's not immodest!

(Although she might be certifiable.)

We recently came upon some lovely quotes from some of our favorite celebrity parents and well. you know us. We just had to share.

"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; sh*t happens..." Angelina Jolie on her teenage romp with another girl. And probably Billy Bob Thornton, to boot.



"Sexual energy really does drive me. ...My mother's the same as me. My parents always said, 'Sex is the best thing in the world...When you start having it you're going to love it. But it's that much better when you love somebody, so just remember that.'" Kate Hudson giving us a little insight into life with parents Kurt Russell and the brassiere-challenged Goldie Hawn.



"Yes, Hef's sleeping with them all...I've actually walked in on him. ...There's baby oil, there's toys flying every which way, there's all these girls naked. It was like watching a movie. I was standing in the doorway just looking -- for a really long time." Pamela Anderson, proving that what happens at the Playboy Mansion doesn't necessarily stay at the Playboy Mansion.

Which one squicks you out the most?

Underage Angelina and her thing about knives and romance?

Kate Hudson revealing a little too much about Mom and Dad?

Mental images of anything involving Hugh Hefner?

Please feel free to vent here.

Pamela Anderson, who has two sons with ex-husband Tommy Lee, says her boys are being teased by their classmates over her colorful past and her sex tape shame with their father.

Raise your hand if you saw this day coming.

Mamarazzi would like to offer the following Golden Rule to celebrities everywhere: Turn off the Friggin' Camcorder, Already!

Now, we want to hear from you...

Click Here to offer your best piece of Celebrity-Ad(ss)vice

You probably all heard about the flap last week when PETA decided to tell ice cream makers Ben and Jerry to use breast milk in their ice cream. Which inspired internet pundits to come up with flavor ideas like Dulce de Leche League and Peanut Butter Double D Cup and such.

Believe it or not, PETA has gotten even stupider.

PETA spokes-celebrity Pamela Anderson has just asked Cate Blanchett to boycott Armani because Armani still uses fur.

OK, pause for a minute and let that sink in.

This woman

is telling this woman

how to dress.

Could Peta have any less credibility at this point? We think not.

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You know how you get a video camera and you start making videos of everything? Baby's first step; the middle school graduation; the Cub Scout boxcar derby; paint drying in the living room?

And then you realize that you never actually watch the movies you make?

Well, what would happen if you actually produced something watchable? Like a sex tape? That got leaked? And you had children?

Welcome to Pamela Anderson's world.

Celebrities are just like us! No, really!

Recently her 10- and 12-year old sons wanted to watch Borat, which includes a scene where Sascha Baron Cohen watches the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape--the one that got leaked about 10 years ago, back in the Jurassic era, when people were still using tape.

According to Pamela:

They really wanted to see Borat, and I finally had a breakdown and let them because all their friends had (seen it) and I said: "There are a few things we have to talk about before you see Borat." I explained to them: "Mom and daddy run about naked all the time and we taped some things ... and someone stole the tape."

The actress reports that she watched the movie with her children, and "kind of went 'La la la' over the parts I didn't want them to hear."

"La la la we can't seeeeee this!"

Well played, Pamela! And don't worry about the parts your sons missed; we're sure their friends will fill them in.

Images courtesy of Ze and CelebrityBabies