We're getting down to the wire, but Mamarazzi has charted the stars (and their offspring) and assembled a list of costume ideas to help make Halloween 2009 a fright to remember!
Octomom: Patron Saint of the Perpetually Pregnant.
Dita Von Teese rocks the Solar System look. (Frugalistas take note: could also double as a science project!)
Lourdes goes old-school and dresses like Mom back in the like-a-virgin days.
Victoria Beckham in "Project Runway designer when the Xanax runs out" garb.
Noah Cyrus & Friend recreate that brief and wonderous time when Paris and Britney were BFFs.
And if you're really crunched for time this Halloween, Amy Winehouse illustrates how easily anyone can pull off the famous Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction.
Lately we've been obsessed with cat fights. And we smell one brewing between Nadya Suleman and Kate Gosselin.
Kate Gosselin gets smacked by Nadya Suleman (artist's rendition)
Why? Well, Nadya recently signed a contract for a reality show, and naturally, Kate feels threatened. What if the American public loses interest in her? After all, Nadya's in vitro procedures resulted in more babies. What are a measly set of twins when compared to sextuplets? Or sextuplets compared to octuplets?
On top of that, Nadya's plastic surgeries are way more dramatic. Kate has to go to the beach to show the world the results of her tummy tuck
Here Kate sets off her tummy tuck with a Mystic Tan and a pear-shaped nanny
whereas Nadya gets mistaken for Angelina Jolie every time she leaves the house.
Brad must be off having another secret meeting with Jennifer Anniston
Kate will stay competitive by having amazingly cute kids and a thoroughly emasculated husband
Now, that's what we call compelling television!
What's Nadya, a single mother, going to do to compete? Apparently, say things that make us cringe:
"I screwed myself. I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids' lives," she says. "I have to put on this strong facade and I have to pretend like I don't regret it."
Hmmmm ... decisions, decisions. Which is better, Kate kicking Jon in the balls over and over again, or Nadya calling her kids mistakes?
They're obviously in this for the money. Is there any way we can pay to keep them off television? Or failing that, duct tape their mouths shut?
It appears that the inevitable has occurred. Nadya "Octomom" Suleman has inked a deal to whore out her children explain her side of the story in a reality show.
Photo courtesy of the Herald Sun (Australia).
Unlike other reality shows, Octomom's won't be a weekly deal, as "she she doesn't want the constant filming because she feels that would be taking advantage of her kids."
The Mamas need to pause and wipe a tear of mirth from their jaded eyes.
Photo courtesy of the L.A. Times.
The Mamas can only imagine what the show will be like, but they assume that besides the obligatory first birthday party episode, the viewers will get to hear Octomom talk about how difficult her life is even though companies are throwing free stuff at her by the truckload.
Photo courtesy of the Daily Mail (UK).
What viewers won't see is how many times every day Octomom has to stop and count to make sure she hasn't lost any children. Or the first time all eight babies (plus their older siblings) come down with simultaneous stomach bugs. Or the first time one of the older kids runs away with the circus so that they can live a normal life.
Photo courtesy of the Denver Examiner.
Tell Mamarazzi: Will you watch Octomom's reality show or will you boycott it? What do you think of her TV deal, book deal, and all the other deals she's scored?
It's begun. Nadya Suleman AKA The Octomom, brought home the first two of her eight babies yesterday.
We know she needs more help than she's been offered. Nadya, we care. We're here to help.
First of all, that Venti Starbucks you're drinking? That may have sufficed when you had six kids but it's not going to cut it when you've got 14 kids seven and under.
We're sending you a bigger cup.
You'll need a bigger diaper bag, too. We've found just the one - it should hold enough diapering equipment for a quick trip to the M*A*C counter.
We've developed a version of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon's octuplet-nursing vest custom sized to your freakishly stretched proportions.
We know that your new house isn't big. It looks as though your kids will have to share a room. No doubt you'll be needing a handy dandy seating chart crib chart to keep track of your 14 kids.
Finally, in honor of your eight new kids, we're throwing in a Magic 8 Ball that's got a handle on your next five years, minimum. Most of all, we wish you and your kids a LOT of luck.
Alright, this is getting annoying. If we're having problems telling which one is Brad's main squeeze(r-outer of kidlets) and which is the one that breeds them by the half dozen, plus a couple extra just to be safe, imagine the poor kids!
What happens when Shiloh or Pax comes across Octomom in the park? Or when a gaggle of girls from Octomom's first litter accidentally follows Angelina home?
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
You know, that Angie might be a homewrecker, but she seems to be a pretty okay mom.
On Monday, her publicists quit. Now, you might be asking yourself, why would a woman who just gave birth to octuplets need a publicist? But look at it this way. She's very busy taking care of her 14 children and drunk-dialing Angelina Jolie. What little free time she has has been spent visiting plastic surgeons to see whether she can get a few extra breasts to help handle the breastfeeding load.
And yesterday we found out that her parents' mortgage is in default. And she might become homeless.
We're sure this isn't what Nadya had in mind, and as always, we're here to help. Here are some fundraising suggestions for Nadya. Any one of them would take care of her housing difficulties. (Disposal diapers are another thing, though.)
1. Become a fertility goddess. Goddesses don't pay mortgages, yo.
2. Product endorsements. Yes, again. Hey, it's worth a shot!
"Octomom says 'I cleaned up my act--with Octagon!'"
3. Start an orphanage. OK, orphanages are totally 19th century. But Nadya could start one and then sneak their kids in with the other ones. And hey, maybe Madonna will adopt one.
4. Star in a movie remake. (Sorry, Nadya--not Mr. and Mrs. Smith.)
5. If all else fails, find a really big shoe and move in.
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