Mamarazzi: Nicole Kidman Archives

Jan
19

Keep the Faith

By

Susie Sunshine

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"Remember last week when I fessed up to using Botox and you reporters went apeshit because my BIG, HUGE secret had finally been exposed?!!"

"And it turns out what y'all didn't know was that our secret baby Faith was already home sleeping her bassinette, finally oblivious to Sunday loudly singing her Daddy's songs right by her newborn head in a completely non-silent, unScientological fashion!"

"Yep, the hair might look completely stupid, but this is the guy made me want to unfreeze my face so I could smile for real. I hope when her marriage contract expires, Katie fares as well. I really, really do."

Jan
12

Nicole Loosens Her Lips Re: Tightening Face

By

Susie Sunshine

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"I've tried a lot of things but apart from working out and a good diet most things don't help. I even tried Botox but I didn't like how my face looked afterwards. Now I don't use it anymore - and I can move my forehead again." -Nicole Kidman Cruise Urban

Just for fun, see if you can figure out which one is Nicole's wax figure among this selection of photos taken during the eight years Nic "tried" Boxtox!

Jul
30

Nicole Kidman is to dye for

By

Poppy Buxom

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The rest of you can discuss Ellen quitting American Idol and speculate whether J. Lo will actually talk that way when she's on the show.

We're here to praise Nicole Kidman for dyeing her hair red.

Photo courtesy of DListed

First of all, it will inspire Lindsay Lohan to do something in jail other than eat Twizzlers. (Yo Lindsay, you've got some time on your hands ... how about getting rid of that crappy blonde dye job?)

Also, it might provoke an attack of the crazy from Tom Cruise. After all, check out this photo of Katie "Tree Trunks" Holmes. No contest, right?

Photo courtesy of Anthony Dixon/WENN.com

Dec
17

Q: Botox®? A: No-tox!

By

LemonySarah

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Dear Mamarazzi,

It's holiday party season and I desperately need makeup advice. To hide my wrinkles, I've been using a tub of Dap® spackle but it tends to fall off in chunks right into my eggnog.

Should I try Botox?

- Dusty

Dear Dusty,

We Mamas highly recommend the old school approach to wrinkles: Embrace them! Show the world that you've weathered the highs and lows of life. Let the kiddies know that you've been there. And back.

BUT. If you must, go easy on the Botox. And don't mix Botox with Dap.

Behold the heartbreaking mix of dried spackle on a face so numb with Botox, the poor insecure soul couldn't even feel the Dap on her frozen solid face.

Nicole Kidman spackled up.jpg
Smoochies,
Mamarazzi

Sep
09

Oh, We Can Tell Now: This One Isn't Wearing Lifts!

By

Susie Sunshine

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Everyone deserves love.

However, when the 2nd love starts to closely resemble the 1st, you may want to coax him back to a beachy blonde, lest your children get all confused.

Dec
17

This One Time in Band Camp.....

By

Susie Sunshine

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When we heard actress Nicole Kidman was in a bit of hot water with Aboriginal groups for playing a special horn only allowed to be touched by men we laughed at the sexism.

After learning one of the side-effects for women who have dared played the didgeridoo is infertility, we said, "Chemical free birth control?! Sign us up!"

But we call bullshit on the infertility myth. We're pretty sure just looking at the photos of Nicole's horn solo may have knocked us up.

Nov
03

Pulled tighter than a drum

By

Jen on the Edge

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Nicole Kidman was featured in Parade magazine yesterday. This is the cover photo they ran with the article:

(Photo courtesy of Parade.)

Nicole! Listen to us Mamas! You need to either stop fucking around with your face or fire the guy who photoshopped this picture. Or both. And eat a sandwich too, while you're at it.

Remember what Nicole used to look like before her plastic surgeon became her new BFF? Go take a look at Jen's blog.

Jul
24

Stop the Presses!

By

LemonySarah

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You know the classic children's book Stuart Little, right? It's the story of of a woman who gives birth to a MOUSE and the mouse's very human adventures.

Poppycock, you say? Pure fantasy? Couldn't possibly happen?

The Mamas of Razzi believe it has happened AGAIN. IN REAL LIFE.

We mean, can there be any other explanation for Nicole Kidman looking this slim TWO WEEKS after having a (yet unseen, mind you) baby?