Recently in Miley & Billy Ray Cyrus Category

"How many interviews did I give and say, 'You know what's important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids'? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read [that] other parents might say, 'You don't need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.'
Well, I'm the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, 'Enough is enough--it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't.
Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere." -Billy Ray Cyrus

We feel for you, Billy Ray and don't envy the mess you've got in front of yourself with Miley.
However, there is still time to try and stop Noah, your youngest from following in her big sister's bong-smoking, club-hopping, probably STD-gettin' footsteps.

Use this as your guide:

Kiernan Shipka
-Eleven years old
-Fashion idol: Grace Kelly ( according to Shipka because Kelly is "a classic look, with beautiful pieces, and very pretty.")
-Not allowed to watch the television show she stars in until her mother has previewed it. After maternal viewing, Mama fast-forwards through the inappriopriate bits.
-Has friends not "in the business" thanks to the extracurricular activities her parents sign her up for and shuttle her to
-Not allowed to date until she is 16

Good parenting is time-consuming and a pain in the ass, but it keeps your kids from growing up and becoming one. Time to get into the game, Billy Ray!

Last weekend one of Miley Cyrus's friends made a video of Miley doing a bong hit ... of salvia.

If you're like us, your first thought (after the shock of "Miley Cyrus" and "bong hit" being used in the same sentence had subsided) was--salvia? Isn't that that new herbal sweetener?

Turns out salvia divinorum is a psychoactive drug that can be ingested several ways. When smoked, the effects last for only five minutes.

Its primary users are Mazateca Shaman and giggling teenage girls. Who like to upload videos of themselves using it. To YouTube. Because apparently, they're never going to have to get a job. Or be a Disney star.

Now, we don't blame Miley too harshly for experimenting with a legal, non-addictive drug which has no lasting bad effects. As terrible teenage behavior goes, that's actually pretty mild.

However, we are blaming her for doing it in the company of the "friend" who leaked the video to TMZ.

Unfortunately, that's exactly the kind of idiotic behavior we've come to expect from Disney stars. We wish they came with expiration dates, so that once they got all rebellious and angsty and teenager-y, Tinkerbell would wave her magic wand, and poof! They'd disappear.

So--any suggestions for how to rehabilitate Miley's image? So far we've only come up with one: a remake of--well, let's change the name to The Bong Song. With Michael Phelps making a guest appearance. (Remember him? Olympic gold medalist currently not appearing on a Wheaties box near you?)

1. Miley's father, Billy Ray Cyrus felt this was an acceptable father/daughter pose for a photoshoot.

2. About a year after the infamous photo, Bret Michaels (46) recorded a duet with Miley (17) that contained the lyrics "We both know better than this/Still we can't resist/Slowly get undressed.Won't you fall down on me/So close I can feel you breathe."

3. Miley's mother is alleged to have had an affair with Michaels when he was working on "Nothing to Lose" with Miley. This affair is said to be the reason Billy Ray filed for divorce from Tish, ending their seventeen year marriage.

Wow.
Best of luck dealing with all that baggage, kid.

Singer Brandy on the parenting style she's using on her seven-year-old daughter :

"I love being a mom and I'm raising her in a different way than how I was raised. Some things that my mom did with me, I do with my daughter -- it's just a different dynamic. I would love for people to see how I'm doing it because I think I could be a good example of a young, single mom."

"A lot of mothers feel like they're the mom first, with that authority. But for me, I'm a friend first. I believe that just being there for my daughter as a friend more than 'I'm in charge...' causes her to be more open with me as a person. That's just what our relationship is. Of course, there are times when I have to discipline her -- I'm mom. But there's still that nurturing and love there that we have. I know I'll probably get flack for being a friend first, but it really works. She's really honest with me. I'm just teaching her how to trust herself. I tell her all the time that my life is not your life -- you have your own life."

"At the end of the day we're going to be friends. When she grows up, it'll be about that friendship that we'll have. She'll come to me for any problems that she has. If I have an authoritative wall up, she's going to rebel and not come to me and I don't want that."

"My mom was on set," Miley Cyrus said of her edgy new video. "And my dad loves it, because I think my dad was thinking I was a little crazy as I was writing it. When you see it, they were so proud of the treatment I came up with."

All Mamarazzi is thinking is how extremely awkward viewing a seventeen-year-old's version of "sexy" is.

The holidays are a time of year when even non-musical families find themselves belting out "Deck the Halls" when the mood is right and the eggnog properly spiked.

So just imagine what must transpire when music-industry families gather with friends and loved ones!
Take the Cyrus family: what sort of lyrical loveliness is created when Achey Breaky Papa Billy Ray, tween sensation Miley, and poptart-in-training Noah join hands and gather around the fireplace?

We're getting down to the wire, but Mamarazzi has charted the stars (and their offspring) and assembled a list of costume ideas to help make Halloween 2009 a fright to remember!

Octomom: Patron Saint of the Perpetually Pregnant.

Dita Von Teese rocks the Solar System look. (Frugalistas take note: could also double as a science project!)

Lourdes goes old-school and dresses like Mom back in the like-a-virgin days.

Victoria Beckham in "Project Runway designer when the Xanax runs out" garb.

Noah Cyrus & Friend recreate that brief and wonderous time when Paris and Britney were BFFs.

And if you're really crunched for time this Halloween, Amy Winehouse illustrates how easily anyone can pull off the famous Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction.

Dear Billy Ray:

Are you mental, or do you just think we're forgetful?

Let us help you out here; we're not forgetful. We remember your dumb-ass Achy Breaky Heart song and the mullet that went with it.

Photo courtesy of ScrapeTV.com

We remember the the nude picture of Miley that showed up in Vanity Fair. And the provocative father/daughter shots of you and Miley.

Photo courtesy of Gothamist.com

Not to mention Miley's MySpace self-portraits.

Complete with duck lips.

Photo courtesy of ThisisBandit.com

We even remember hearing about you telling Miley to get back on twitter. (Tell us why again? Because she wasn't getting enough publicity?)

But now? Now your nine-year old daughter goes to a Halloween party dressed as ... what is this, anyway? A Hoochie Witch?

Whatever it is, it's bad. So guess what? You just won the Mamarazzi "Bad Dad o' the week" award.

(But don't get excited. It's only Monday. Some other idiot might screw up before Friday.)

Now please get lost. And take your soul patch with you.

The Mamarazzi