Recently in Levi Johnston Category

Regardless of your political outlook, as Americans, we should be united in our search for truth, justice, and a way to get Sarah Palin's children to STFU.

And in a truly just society, Sarah Palin's former future son-in-law would get his untalented self off center stage and away from the media.

It's not enough that Bristol Palin will be appearing this fall on Dancing with the Wannabes. Now Levi Johnston (remember him?) is announcing to anyone who'll listen that he regrets apologizing to Sarah and Todd last summer.

Oh, and the reason for this interview? Levi has decided to run for office.

And that's why we've decided it's time to make a fundamental change in the government. For years we've believed that Queen Elizabeth II's children took the prize for being the most embarrassing, idiotic offspring of a politician or, in the Queen's case, ruling monarch. Many years of drinking haven't erased our memories of toe-sucking and wanting to be a tampon and such. But Bristol and Levi are causing us to change our minds.

There's only one answer, and that's a Constitutional Amendment barring politicians from getting married and/or having children.

With this amendment in place, Levi Johnston wouldn't be able to become chief dog-catcher of Wasilla, Alaska and then try to become President.

So please join our grass-roots movement. Before Alaska Hunting runs paparazzi photos of someone sucking Bristol Palin's toes.

It used to be, that having a baby whilst one was young and out-of-wedlock was a one-way ticket on the Poverty and Hardship Train.

However, the teenage mavericky offspring of Sarah, Bristol Palin will be receiving a six-figure paycheck for agreeing to appear on a national magazine cover with her family.

She is also said to have filed the paperwork to start a company to provide lobbying, public relations and political consulting services.

Clearly, all today's young woman needs for a career and financial security is to get a Masters in Levi's johnson.

Sometimes

it's really hard

for new fathers

to get their figures back.

Cute girls like to travel in packs. It's the reason sororities exist. It's why we have The Rockettes. It may even be the reason women never seem to be able to go to the bathroom one at a time.

This is because if one cute girl is a sparkler, a group of cute girls is a fireworks display.

Photo courtesy of NY Daily News

Unfortunately, the same is true of douchebags.

Take an Ed Hardy-wearing, hair-plugs sporting cheating reality show dad, stand him next to Bristol Palin's baby daddy, take them to Times Square, dress them in matching peacoats, and what do you have?

A perfect storm of assholiness that threatens to engulf Manhattan.

Forget politics. We loves us a good public dysfunctional family.

Sarah Palin's not-quite-son-in-law, Levi Johnston, talks serious trash about Sarah in October's Vanity Fair. Meee-ow!

Because Mamarazzi is all about being fair and balanced, we totally made up the following interviewed Sarah Palin to get her side of the story. Here's an excerpt.

Mamarazzi: Sarah Palin, Levi told Vanity Fair that, when you learned that your 16 year old daughter Bristol was pregnant, you wanted to adopt the baby to hide the fact that she clearly disobeyed your "abstinance only" philosophy. Not to mention, having an unmarried pregnant high school daughter might not fit into your personal and political agenda. Please excuse us for asking, but just how did you feel when you learned about Bristol & Levi's pregnancy?

Sarah Palin: Well, ya know, Levi's a true Alaskan boy. His boys can swim like the majestic Alaskan Salmon, powerfully charging up one of Alaska's bountiful pristine streams.

Mamarazzi: Oooo-kay. Please share with us: How would you have explained the sudden appearance of a baby less than nine months after the birth of your own son, Trig?

Sarah Palin: Ya know, I considered passing little Tripp off as my own. I'd explain that my husband Todd's boys can swim like the majestic Alaskan Salmon, powerfully charging up one of Alaska's bountiful pristine streams. In Alaska, if you can dream of having two babies in eight months, you can do it!

Mamarazzi: Yes. Moving right along, Levi also claims that you do very little parenting and that he actually routinely grilled meat for your kids' dinners.

Sarah Palin: Now, about that. I want to fill my freezer with good, clean, healthy protein for my kids. That's what I was raised on. It is abundant and it is available here in Alaska, with caribou and moose and different game and lots of very, very healthy and delicious wild Alaskan seafood. That's what we eat. So that's why I hunt and why I fish.

Mamarazzi: Levi insinuates that you weren't around much for your five kids.

Sarah Palin: ??????

Mamarazzi: You do realize of course that you have five children, two boys and three girls.

Sarah Palin: I'll have to get back to ya on that!

Mamarazzi: Thank you for your time, Ms. Palin.

Sarah Palin: Right back atcha! I'll field dress you, you bored, anonymous pathetic bloggers.

We weren't thrilled with last May's GQ article about Levi Johnston, a/k/a Bristol Palin's baby daddy. Levi was already well on his way to becoming the Kato Kaelin of presidential politics, and the story was kind of depressing.

Also, we didn't think it was such a hot idea to allow GQ to publish naked pictures of Trip.

Photo courtesy of GQ.com

We just know that Trip is going to grow up and hate finding pictures of his baby peen splashed all over the internet.

Photo courtesy of www.KathyGriffin.net

Flash forward to this week: Levi just escorted Kathy Griffin to the Teen Choice awards, and then was interviewed by her on Larry King Live.

This interview might constitute the most painful 10 minutes of our lives, which is saying a lot, because we've given birth. Go ahead and click on the link if you want to see Link's impression of a deer in the headlights. Mamarazzi to Levi: a career as an actor does not await you.

One particularly agonizing moment was when Levi said it would be OK to pose nude, but "it depends on the money, man ... It's gotta be right for that."

Well, now he's received at least one offer--$25,000 for a nude video to be posted on StraightCollegeMen.com.

And we hear he stopped by the Vanity Fair offices while he was in L.A.

What do you think? Is this OK? Or is Levi forgetting that his claim to fame is Trip and Trip's needs should come first?

We think Levi's media appearances are starting look like a reality t.v. show. Called Northern Overexposure.