Recently in Katie Holmes Category

"Suri is very helpful. I go to her and I say, 'What shoes?' She picks them out. One time, actually many times, I'll be getting ready for an event or something and I'll say, 'Suri what do you think?' And she'll say (Katie points) 'Definitely those. Those,'" Katie explained. "And she won't let me leave unless I'm wearing what she wants me to wear. She's got great taste. And I want to make her happy." -from OK! Magazine

Three things:

1. Suri sounds like a spoiled brat.
2. Just when you think this outfit couldn't get more unflattering and fugly
3. Your eyes drift to the nude shoes

The rest of you can discuss Ellen quitting American Idol and speculate whether J. Lo will actually talk that way when she's on the show.

We're here to praise Nicole Kidman for dyeing her hair red.

Photo courtesy of DListed

First of all, it will inspire Lindsay Lohan to do something in jail other than eat Twizzlers. (Yo Lindsay, you've got some time on your hands ... how about getting rid of that crappy blonde dye job?)

Also, it might provoke an attack of the crazy from Tom Cruise. After all, check out this photo of Katie "Tree Trunks" Holmes. No contest, right?

Photo courtesy of Anthony Dixon/WENN.com

The addition of tights to never-nudes was daring choice, but Suri realized Mama was missing this season's must-have accessory and only she could help her.

The evidence mounts: Tom Cruise bases his life on classic movies.

His life has mirrored 1941's Citizen Kane. Kane came to unlikely wealth in his youth when a massive gold deposit was discovered under his impoverished mom's land.

Cruise came to unlikely wealth in the pseudo-John Hughes flick Risky Business by dancing in his tightie whities.

Kane surprised everyone by marrying a dignified, exquisite woman who was, quite frankly, out of his league.

Cruise surprisingly married the stiff but regal and classically gorgeous Nicole Kidman.

In both cases, it did not end well.

Then Kane married a sweet, innocent young thing.

Taaa-daaa! Ditto Tom, with Katie Holmes.

Both Kane and Cruise molded their adorable girlish wives into something they weren't: Posh. Ha ha, pun intended!

Kane encouraged, nay, forced his sweet young thing to star in the classiest of stage performances, an opera. Kane's wife was ill-equipped for the job and suffered very bad reviews, indeed.

Tom just may have landed a serious, heavy Broadway role for little Katie in All My Sons. Katie dutifully slogged through a role and venue way too big for her.

Thanks to their husbands' pushy ways, both Kane's wife and Katie very quickly grew old and miserable.

Tom reportedly desperately wants Katie to have a second child. We've read that Katie is going through a rigorous and painful Scientology "cleansing" program as well as all sorts of um, unusual testing and instruction to become worthy of bearing another child. Some go so far as to speculate that Katie will be impregnated with Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's old frozen sperm. And damn, we are so willing to believe it.

Getting healthy before getting pregnant is optimal, but going through "cleansing", "education", questioning and who knows what else is weird and demanding, right?

Tom, Katie's already produced a beautiful child for you and goodness knows, we've been treated to photos of Suri practically daily since her babyhood. Clearly, the child is well taken care of, right? What's with all the pre-conception demands that, we repeat, we are so willing to believe?

Tom, take our advice, please. Citizen Kane died miserable and alone. His last utterance was a whispered, "Rosebud". At the end of a life pushing people around, he longed for something pure and simple, a peacefulness that he'd rejected in the name of ego. We won't spoil Citizen Kane's ending, but we will say that, at the end of his life, Kane had majah regrets.

Tom, we think you need to find your own Rosebud. We think maybe you could also take a chill pill.

It's OK if you wash it down with your beloved barley milk. One step at a time, Tom. One step at a time.

Photos, in order: RKO Pictures (all Citizen Kane),Warner Bros.(Risky Business), Time magazine, The WB (Katie Holmes), Big Pictures (Katie & Posh), AP Photo/Boneau/Bryan-Brown, Joan Marcus (All My Sons), WENN (Katie tired).

Just when you think reality television can't get any more unreal, our friends from across the pond unveil a brand new series, I'm Hotter Than My Daughter.

Where would anyone get the notion that being sexier and more desirable than their daughters is the goal of any mother?!

She might look like a cute-but-ordinary three-year-old to you, but Katie Holmes told reporters that daughter Suri is"spectacular" and "magical".

We're impressed by her ability to walk in heels at such a young age, but just because a cosmetic bag starts out holding a tube of Cherry Chapstick and ends up filled with thousands of dollars of lip product doesn't mean a child has spectacular magicalness. It means you should have watched her a bit more carefully when you were in Sephora.

Today, in case you hadn't noticed, is Thanksgiving and we at Mamarazzi have a lot to be thankful for. And because we're not bee-yatches all the time, we're thankful for nice stuff such as our families, friends, good health and good food on the table (Thanksgiving take-out? Don't mind if we do!).


We are extremely thankful that we're not married to Tom Cruise. We have enough crazy in our lives without being married to a loon who thinks he's the cock of the walk.

Lastly, we are thankful that our moms and paramount female role models aren't Shauna Sand. This reminds us: For Thanksgiving, we prefer all-natural, organic turkey breasts.

Katie, don't deny it: you miss your old friends (those deeply flawed Raw Meat Thetans) who don't accept Xenu.

You know, because proper Scientologists must dump their non-believer friends and replace them with the likes of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, both of whom could eat you for lunch, girlfriend.

Mamarazzi worries about you, darlin', and want to help, because we're nice like that. So we recommend that you take advantage of some wonderful offers from Bridge Publications, Scientology's publisher, sure to properly educate your unenlightened friends.

We called Bridge Publications last night, no lie, and learned of their, we are not making this up, CHRISTMAS SPECIALS on Scientology book and DVD collections.

Wait. Xenu and Jesus? Whaaaaa? Clearly, we need to buy The Ultimate Collection because we have so much to learn.

Anyhoo, for a bargain price, almost 40% off the price of buying each publication separately, you can buy L. Ron Hubbard's The Ultimate Collection for the low, low Christmas special price of just $5,000! Yes, separately, these materials would cost you $7,800. Such a deal!

Katie, we believe that you could make a fine impression on your old pals by giving them this most generous gift.

Because nothing says Christmas like converting your friends to non-Christianity.

Ordinarily, we'd be all up in arms over a wee three year old tottering around town in kitten heels

because as grown women, we're very aware the dangers of heels + sidewalk cracks.

However, we're feeling charitable today, as it's clear that Miss Suri is just being her father's daughter.