Recently in Kate Gosselin Category

Aug
23

Name that blonde

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In support of Mamarazzi's theory that all stars--no matter how unique their look once was--eventually become duplicates of Madonna (blonde and grisly) or Britney (blonde and trashy) we give you ...

Lindsay Lohan doing public service in Africa?

Madonna hoovering up another half dozen orphans?

Shauna Sands on her way to a funeral?

Wrong! It's Kate Gosselin, who decided to take the kids to the pediatrician after auditioning for a made-for-TV film about a showgirl who lost her feet in a tragic accident, and then, after she was fitted with tap-shoe-wearing prosthetics, found stardom as a tap-dancing zebra impersonator at the local Rainforest Café.

It's that or she's been signed to star in The Real Housewives of WTF.

--
All photos courtesy of DListed.com

Apr
09

An open letter to Kate Gosselin

By
Poppy Buxom
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Dear Kate:

We've just heard that you've landed a new television show, Twist of Kate, where you'll be meeting other single mothers. Sort of like The Simple Life, where Paris and Nicole traveled around the country interacting with ordinary people.

The Imperfect Parent

Earth to Kate: you are the ordinary people. At least, you were before you turned your uterus into a clown car.

Babble

Hello, did we watch Jon and Kate plus Eight because of your wonderful parenting abilities? Or even your OCD housecleaning and husband whipping skills?

No, we watched J&K+8 because of your adorable children. And OK, we admit it, to watch as your marriage to Jon slowly circled the bowl.

But Kate, you have delusions of glamor. You're not Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie. You're a suburban housewife with a Mystic tan, some highlights, and a tummy tuck.

Our advice to you is to remarry. Pick someone named Ken with two kids from a previous marriage. Then you can have a show called Kate and Ken plus 10. We'd tune in for that.

xxx,
Mamarazzi

Mar
24

Don't Drag Us Into This, Kate. -Mothers of America

By
Susie Sunshine
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Last night the judges on "Dancing with the Stars/Attention Whores" described Kate Gosselin's dance partner as "looking like he was pushing a shopping cart around the dance floor."
In her defense, Kate did say she was dedicating her performance "to all the moms out there!" If that's the intent, we're really hoping Laundry Folding Salsa is more animated than The Pepto-Bismal Grocery Shopping Waltz.

Feb
10

Betting Kate was a V.C. Andrews reader

By
Susie Sunshine
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For some reason, when we saw this

we couldn't help thinking about this series

and how if you read the books out of order, you'd have a whole new level of sympathy for characters you first found utterly loathsome.

Well played, Kate. (But the hair still needs an editor.)

Oct
16

Jon and Kate fans--all three of them--can finally exhale.

By
Poppy Buxom
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Yes, Jon and Kate Plus 8 has been canceled. At last, our long national nightmare is over.

Now the Gosselins can move on to the next phase in their careers.

We're not worried about Jon. Ever since he left Kate, he's been is busily preparing for a career as a has-been. Hollywood Squares, Fantasy Island, and The Love Boat don't exist any more. He's already proven how unwatchable he is as a reality TV star. The answer is obviously product endorsements. Jon's already been getting paid to wear Ed Hardy t-shirts,

throw parties in Las Vegas,

and drink milkshakes.

His logical next step? Spokesman for Hair Club for Men.

Speaking of hair, Kate should try celebrity endorsements, too. Perhaps for Fuller Brush.

In fact, Jon and Kate have obviously been inspiring brush manufacturers for quite a while.

Sep
11

An open letter to Kathy Griffin

By
Poppy Buxom
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Dear Miss Griffin:

We've checked everything-emails, tweets--even snail mail, for God's sake--and you still haven't applied for the job of Mamarazzi writer.

We can't figure out why you still haven't applied. After all, it's pretty clear we could use the help.

Maybe you're too modest, shy, and self-effacing to pursue a writing career at this prestigious blog. After all, you're an award-winning television star and published author, but not everyone can be a blogger. So we're taking this opportunity to reach out to you.

We think you'd be a good fit with our team. It seems like only yesterday we were reporting on your interview with Levi Johnston. And now you're going after the Gosselins.

George Takei as Jon? Brilliant. Just brilliant. So think about signing on with us. You'd be perfect! And we could all be BFFs 4eva!!!

If you're too busy making book tour appearances and writing Emmy acceptance speeches to become a Mamarazzi staff writer, could you just email us and tell us who your next victim will be?

Because following you around sure beats writing about Charlie Sheen's conspiracy theory.

Love,
Your Number One Fans

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