Recently in Jolie-Pitt Category

The Mamas hate it when paparazzi swarm around the children of celebrities. The wee ones don't understand -- why are those strangers taking my picture and how do they know my name? Just leave the kids alone already!

Since it's clear that adults don't know appropriate boundaries, the Mamas have some tips for dealing with the paps:

#1 -- Do wear sunglasses:

(Look who's rocking the silver glitter shoes!)

#2 -- Don't hide behind your growing-out bangs:

#3 -- Do wear a head covering, such as a hood:

(Such a beautiful child!)

#4 -- Don't be seen with your mother when she's dressed like a bag lady:

#5 -- Do learn to give the paps the Death Stare:

(For more on Zahara's excellent relations with the paparazzi, see here and here.)

#6 -- Don't be photographed with crazy people:

What other tips do you have for the mini celebs for avoiding the paparazzi?

(All photos courtesy of Just Jared.)

Looks like the Britney Spears Parenting Guide is out in paperback.

But that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt isn't just adorable, she's also pretty darn clever!

The world is starting to realize what the Mamarazzi has known all along- our readers are some of the sharpest knives in the drawer- and we've started getting sent information and begged to pass it along to y'all.
Because we have discerning taste, we spare you the free laxatives samples and scratch and sniffs of the latest toilet cleaners but this email caught our eye.

Rick Smolan and the team that produced A Day in the Life of America: America 24/7, 24 Hours in Cyberspace, and One Digital Day, are taking on their biggest challenge so far- a project called “America at Home.”

The entire American population is invited the week of September 17th-23rd to take digital photographs of what “home” means to them, and submit them to MyAmericaAtHome.com. The result will be a mixture of photos both from amateurs and professional photographers, who will also be capturing images of what defines the home.

Selected photos will be used in a 224 page coffee table book entitled "America at Home,” which will be released in March of 2008. If any of our readers are included, we'll glady pony up the cash and add the book to our dust collection library!

Because we're special, we got a sneak peak at some of our favorite celebrity parents' submissions of their versions of America at home.

Britney Spears's photo was as cheesy as expected:

While K-Fed shows he's still most at home among the bling and the ho's:

Brangelina's version of home was so sweet, we had to brush and floss:

Poor baby Dannielynn:

Tom Cruise got into a little risque business with his entry:

Get those cameras ready, we're positive your photos will be way better than any of these!

Like most 5 year olds, wee Maddox Jolie-Pitt enjoys an afternoon of kicking and running and screaming 'round the soccer field. Unlike most 5 year olds, he is well connected.

Apparently, impressed with his son's ability and wanting to give him a leg up in his future with AYSO, Daddy Brad has arranged for some private lessons with none other than Mr. Hunky Delicious David Beckham.

So, who do you think is a better Team Mom? Angie or Posh?

Let's go watch Bend it Like Beckham!

According to a recent news report, the top five most-discussed celebrities are:

1. Britney Spears

Image courtesy of ChinaDaily.com

2. Paris Hilton

Image courtesy of The People We Love To Hate

3. Angelina Jolie

4. Tom Cruise

5. Brad Pitt

One of these things just doesn't belong here. Tell us: can you guess her name?

That's right. Paris Hilton.

Paris, Paris, Paris. We realize you love the limelight, but you're going about it the wrong way. Getting bounced from a nightclub, driving off smashed, and getting arrested for DUI is a start ... but it's just not enough to keep you on the front page of the tabs. To really own the headlines, you need to have a baby.

Think about it. Katie Holmes? Who could have picked her out of a police line up? Then Tom Cruise knocked her up and BAM! She's front page news.

Now, we realize that motherhood and your vow of chastity don't exactly go hand-in-hand.

But that's OK, because we hear that you've already broken it, anyway.

This evening we will all be entertained by Angelina Jolie’s first U.S. interview since giving birth to baby Shiloh. Anderson Cooper scored the gig, however, from all the clips I’ve been reading from the interview, we’re not going to learn anything earth shattering. She was terrified of giving birth. What mom isn’t? Brad was in the delivery room. Where the hell else would he have been? She thinks she gets paid a “stupid amount” for her job. Anyone that saw Taking Lives is nodding their head in agreement right now.

I don’t even find her revelation that they plan to adopt another child that revealing. Hell, the way she’s looking at Anderson Cooper in this photo, she’s eyeing him as a possible person to adopt. Anderson Cooper-Jolie-Pitt.

But Anderson better be well prepared for constant jetlag and confusion when asked for his address. Brad and Angelina arrived back in the states over the weekend, and who was seen at preschool on Thursday? Well – it’s Shiloh’s Big Brother Jolie-Pitt, soon to be known as Who? Jolie-Pitt. Preschool, not a week after being in a time zone I can’t define. How would you like to be the jetlagged-new-last-named-the-rest-of-the-family-was-pictured-in-People-magazine-but-not-me kid in school?

Little Maddox has only one way to rebel against them. He’s totally going to have to knock up Suri Cruise. Suri Cruise-Jolie-Pitt.

Photo Credits: TMZ.com; People.com

After reading all the celebrity buzz for the day, it would appear the world won’t have to wait much longer for a Shiloh Sighting. The pictures, taken during a private photo shoot the celeb parents set up, will be licensed to media through Getty Images. They have announced their plans to take the money raised, which is estimated to fetch several million dollars, and donate it to African charities. In a joint statement released today they said, “While we celebrate the joy of the birth of our daughter, we recognize that 2 million babies born ever year in the developing world die on the first day of their lives. These children can be saved, but only if governments around the world make it a priority.”

Brangelina isn’t on the bleeding edge with this idea. Julia Roberts and husband, Danny Moder, also opted to go the charity route with photos of their twins, Hazel and Phinnaeus. Sources speculated the pics fetched between $100,000 and $150,000, which the Roberts-Moder clan then donated 100% to an environmental group.

As did Courteney Cox-Arquette and husband, whats-his-face, with their daughter, Coco. The release of the photos to Wire Image were based on the condition that all proceeds go to charity.

Then, there's these two:

“Officially” the first photos of Sean Preston, which were said to bring in the neighborhood of $500,000, were secured with a donation to Britney Spears’ charity. However, Britney’s publicist refuses to confirm that information. This leaves many in the industry saying that the money did go to charity, if you consider this guy a charity:

Apparently their pre-nup states that any money they make together he gets half, with the exception of their wedding photos. Britney lovingly gave K-Fed all the money from their wedding photos as a wedding gift.

With all these babies and charities: Where The Fuck Is Suri? Just imagine the donation to the Church of Scientology Tom could make with that bankroll! Or, if rumor is correct, all the wonderful things this money could do for Herpes research.

As we all damn well know, Angelina delivered one of the most genetically perfect babies into this world on Saturday. All eyes will no doubtingly be on Shiloh as she blossoms to see if she makes the grade in the looks department. Talk about pressure, huh? What if the combination of two of the world's sexiest people somehow backfires and she turns out to be a freak of nature? That would be funny...well, at least to Jen and me.

The baby was delivered by C-section and the operation was reportedly flawless. Alas, FLAWLESS is an adjective of the past for you now, dear Angie. There will be at least one tiny flaw on your smokin' hot bod now. Who knows, maybe you'll wear it with pride like your tattoo or that crazy vile of blood once upon a freaky time. Or maybe, just maybe you're contacting all kinds of "special" doctors in Namibia to find a remedy for scars - c-section, stretch mark and otherwise. Wasn't there a report of some $300K donation made by the power couple just recently to Namibian newborns??

Yeah riiiiiight!

Face it, Ang -you're going to look like all the rest of sooner than you think. Your sweet lips will pucker as your thighs and ass sprout cottage cheese patches. Your once perky and full boobs will sag and stretch with each feeding as the vicious lines of varicose veins cross your lovely legs. Your slender back will ache and dark circles will appear under those beautiful eyes of yours that will soon be bloodshot from lack of sleep.

Yep, you're one of us now Angelina. Please allow me to be the first to welcome you to the UnFlawless Club.

Photo credit: People.com

An important part of parenting is the use of positive reinforcement.
Mamarazzi would like to take this time to congratulate BritBrit on doing a great job carrying Sean Preston AND for allegedly kicking out her money-sucking sperm donor.

Speaking of Britney, there has always been a discrepency in how mothers vs. fathers are viewed and treated in our society.
Current examples: Katie Holmes (bite me Tom, I'll ALWAYS call her Katie) is a lousy mother for being away from imaginary baby Suri so often- the crazy ass daddy being at the same events gets no mention.

Britney's baby mishaps have been photographed and discussed ad nauseam-when was the last time Kevin Federline even looked at the child? It is not unusual to hear the term "babysitting" used in reference to a father caring for his children alone.

With this in mind, take a look at this darling picture of Brad Pitt taking his children for a bike ride last week:

Was your first thought (well, after the lustful ones had passed) "What a cute and creative way for one guy to handle two small kids and a pair of bikes"?
If so, Britney Spears and her incorrectly installed carseat would like to whomp you alongside the head.

This bike ride is taking place in AFRICA. A lion or elephant could run out onto the road AT ANY SECOND and what would protect sweet Zahara from going flying and landing on her head? Back carriers are not designed for use when bike riding no matter how exceedingly hot that adult looks in his dark sunglasses and buzzcut.

The proper way to transport a child on a bike is using either a kid bike seat or a removable bike trailor/buggy pulled behind the bike.
Get a helmet on that girl and cover her little legs for protection against gravel rash before you're known as "Brad the cad and bad dad", dude.

Last night the world was graced with the genetic combination of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Thanks to some super-secret Namibian sources, Mamarazzi was able to obtain the very first pictures of little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt and frankly, we're disappointed she's such a dog.