Recently in Jersey Shore Category

OK, we realize that the kids on Jersey Shore are ... well, the short version is "an embarrassment." To the State of New Jersey, to Italian-Americans--basically anyone who feels they could be identified with or blamed for their behavior cringes every time the show is mentioned.

Except for Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's father. Instead of lying awake at night wondering where he went wrong, Frank Sorrentino makes videos criticizing the cast of Jersey Shore. And his son. With no expletives deleted.

With no further ado, the father of the situation (caution: the audio is not safe for work):

The news that the Guidos and Guidettes of Jersey Shore will be filming Season 4 in Italy has us a little worried.

First of all, what will The Situation do when he finds himself surrounded by so many sets of rock hard abs?

What will happen to his self-esteem if he pulls his shirt up and nobody notices?

But what really worries us is the fiscal health of MTV. The beaches in Italy are topless. If MTV has to digitally edit every nipple on every beach in Italy, they'll go bankrupt. And that would destroy any chance that MTV will see the error of their ways, stop broadcasting this kind of formaggio, and start acting like Music Television again.

Just a refresher--imagine this--but taking place in Italy:

So ... Jersey Shore in Italy ... sì or no?

When we saw the cover for The Situation's new book, we knew it would make a great Mamarazzi post. We hate to judge a book by its cover, but come on--what's not to mock? There he is, showing us his abs again. Doesn't he realize they're already seared into our brains?

But when we read an excerpt, we realized the book would also make a valuable teaching aid by teaching you how not to write. The book includes a piece of current slang in every single sentence, thus guaranteeing that no matter how funny it reads now, it will be even funnier in 10 years. Check out this excerpt about shopping, with the Urban Dictionary-style slang printed in bold:

I wear what makes me feel good because I'm at the tip of the spear--the cutting edge of fashion that's fresh to death. . . . When I enter a store, I trust my eye to zero in on what's mint. That's the single most effective system I have for knowing when to pull the trigger on a purchase. If I find myself hemming and hawing, that's a clear indication that the garment in question is not destined to make my rotation. I walk away from the rack because I've failed to make a connection to those threads. On the other hand, if I know from the moment I see it that that particular piece is going to make me look awesome, I trust my instinct completely and it comes home with The Sitch.

This book is ripe for being turned into a MadLibs party game. Anyone can play! Take the bold words or phrases and turn them into MadLibs questions, like "synonym for 'the latest style'" or "nickname in the third person."

Then try playing it with your kids on long car rides--say to the Jersey Shore. Trust The Popster--it'll be off the hook.

If you're like us, you're probably having a heck of a time telling some of these so-called "stars" apart.

For example, at first we thought this was J-Lo. Or maybe Emma Caulfield. Then we realized that it's Molly Sims. But hey, everyone's blonde these days. Who can tell them apart?

But then even the brunettes started to confuse us.

See, there used to be one famous brunette. Her name was Kim Kardashian. She was curvy, wore way too much makeup, and dressed like a skank.

Then she got a reality TV show and we discovered that she has sisters. All pretty much identical: deeply tanned, loaded with makeup, flaunting miles of cleavage.

But then Jersey Shore made its debut.

Frankly, we're glad we don't live in Miami, because right now the sidewalks must be teeming with Kardashian klones sisters and Jersey Shore Guidettes. How can anyone be expected to tell them apart?

We don't mean to brag, but it's easier than you think.

1. Does the skank you've spotted look like something out of a fast-food clamshell? This is key. Snooki reminds us of a Chicken McNugget, whereas the Kardashian sisters look like a bucket of KFC.

2. Once you've established their essential golden brown greasy crispiness, check for hoops. If they're being used to hold a bathing suit together, it's a Kardashian.

If they're so big, you could use them in the powder room to hold guest towels, you're looking at a Guidette.