Mamarazzi: Christina Aguilera Archives

Jun
09

Been There, Lived That

By

Susie Sunshine

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Dear Max,

Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel. My mama got nasty on a live MTV awards show once, too!

However, my mama just got felt up and rubbed her crotch in a man's face, she didn't sing "licky licky yum yum" in reference to her "woohoo."

And while her hair and outfit were not flattering AT ALL, NOT EVEN THE TINIEST BIT, at least she wasn't wearing undies that featured a flashing red heart over her lady bits.

Good luck, Buddy. The playground is gonna be a bitch for life.

Best,

Sean Preston Spears-Federline

May
13

Glimmer of Hope for Britney's Boys

By

Susie Sunshine

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Christina Aguilera recently talked up how great a housekeeper her 16-month-old son Max is:

"Vacuum was one of his first words! He has a cleaning fetish and he loves to run around with a rag and dust and clean, and he loves to clean his high chair after he's done eating. It's so cute! I'll lift him down and the first thing he does is to take a rag and clean off his chair."

Apparently, dirrty hooker-like musicians beget wee clean freaks.

(Man, did WE go about it all wrong!)

Sep
11

Going GaGa.

By

LemonySarah

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We know the feeling. You've been at home with the baby and feeling just a little... obsolete. You want to get back into the grownup world and you want to be noticed.

If you're Christina Aguilera, this could make you a little gaga. You need to do something new but you just don't know what to do. You've done Lady Marmalade, you don't want to imitate Lady Madonna so... how about imitating Lady GaGa? Who's to know? Who's to care? Really, we mean it.

Because Christina's performance has been pulled by the VMA copyright attorneys, here's the Sims part of Christina's VMA performance.

And here's Lady GaGa's Miss Universe performance. Be sure to check out the contestants going gaga.

Someone wants to imitate Lady GaGa? GAAAAAAAAA!

Comments? Leave 'em here.

Jul
23

And He's Diapered with the Declaration of Indepence!

By

Susie Sunshine

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Patriot or someone who neglected to register for baby clothes in larger sizes?

Jun
05

So They Think They Can Dance.

By

LemonySarah

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Christina Aguilera busted a few moves a few nights ago at Las Vegas' LAX nightclub. We kinda wish these pictures had stayed in Vegas.

She has names for some of her moves:

This one's called "Make Hubby Make Himself Scarce".

This move's called "I Hope These Aren't Extensions".

She calls this one "Here's Where Baby Max Exited Four Months Ago!"

Yet we still prefer Christina's antics to Tom's soulful Dirrty Dancing.

Photos/Video: Aguileraworld.com, Collegehumor.com

May
16

Patty-cake or paddleboats?

By

Poppy Buxom

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There's something eerily familiar about this picture of Christina Aguilera. And it's not because it reminds us of so many other celebrities.

It's not her Madonna-channels-Farrah-Fawcett-for-the-Hung-Up-video hairdo.

Or her curvy Meg Ryan lips.

Or her Dolly Parton boobages.

It's the big blue veins on the boobages.

When we were postpartum, we had road maps on our eyeballs. You know, the whole sleepless-nights-breastfeeding-round-the-clock thing.

Whereas Christina's left boobage reminds us of the huge map of the United States that used to hang in our American history classroom. The part that showed the Mississippi River and its tributaries.

Honestly, if you look close enough, you can see Huck and Jim on a raft.

Mar
06

To Die For

By

LemonySarah

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Christina Aguilera is the face of London jeweler Stephen Webster. She's supposed to embody a flawless 50's Alfred Hitchcock movie star.

She's gorgeous, glamorous and... ghastly. Ghostly!

The desire for perfection and the magic of Photoshop® have created a monster - The Undead!

The Mamas of Razzi find this trend disturbing.

But then there are times we wish everybody did it. Like, would it kill you, Annie Leibovitz, to protect us from ghouls? Could you maybe tone down the horrific image of Rolling Stone Keith Richards in your new ads for Louis Vuitton?

Please share your thoughts, if you're not shaking too hard to vote.

Mar
03

We Never Rest

By

Susie Sunshine

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Knowing it matters to you, dear reader, we kept up our exhaustive investigation to find out the names of Jennifer Lopez's still-unseen baby twins.
The little scamps are named Emme and Max. You know, just like the annoying brother and sister whiners on PBS's Dragon Tales show.