Recently in Brad Pitt Category

We just heard that Brangelina spend $10 million a year on child-related expenses. No, their children do not wear chinchilla diapers fastened with diamond diaper pins. These expenses involve things like living in hotels, first-class airfare for flying their enormous brood around the world, and a nanny for each child.

That last part sounds kind of pleasant. So next year, we're asking our husbands to fork out the $100,000 each nanny costs so we never have to change another diaper.

Why are these nannies so expensive? Well, apparently they need a college degree in child development. And they need to speak at least two languages, including the language of the adopted kids' country of origin.

Most of all, the nannies need to be invisible. And invisibility doesn't come cheap.

Zahara has clearly heard of the recent rash of celebrity pregnancies/engagements/breakups and knows who would be the one to bring that sort of chaos into her life.

Photo: WENN

At long last, Brad explained to Britain's Sun why he grew that gnarly beard and why he still has it.

"It's boredom. No other reason than that."

Bradley, we understand how it is. Even with forty-seven six kids, a househusband can get very bored indeed while Wifey is off trying to snag her newest co-star at work.

Mamarazzi suggests you do what experienced housespouses do. Read and learn, Brad.

First and foremost, plan your daily activites.





Start your day on a bright, shiny note!





Shop for a meal that will make you spouse proud.





Take a moment to relax with your favorite tunes.





Explore new activities!





Spend some quality time with your best friend.





Get creative! Make something incorporating a passion you share with your spouse; in this case, your mutual love of architecture and Jell-o®!





Last, but not least, Brad, take comfort thinking warm thoughts about what your spouse is doing at this very moment. There, now doesn't this help?

It's official: Celebrating Valentine's Day at some fancy-schmancy lovey-dovey restaurant is SO 2009.

Here's how our opinion leaders do it right:

The Splendiferous Jolie-Pitt clan grabbed gelato at some dive. Granted, that dive is in Venice, Italy. And it is gelato; sweet, creamy to-die-for gelato.

Meanwhile, Britney (seriously, she needs no surname) and her boyfriend, Jason Trawick (he does need one) dined at McDonald's. McDonalds, people. And it's for them, not a kid in sight. From the desperate look on their faces, they needed that Mickey Dee fix, stat.

Yes, tacky Valentine's days rule, We wouldn't put it past our Hollywood heroes to spend next Valentine's Day messing around in the 7-foot Champagne Glass Whirlpool Bath-for-Two at the Pocono Palace. But only if they could get McDonald's delivery.

All photos: Fame Pictures

Brad, looks like your little plot has worked. If we can trust Star magazine, and we know we can't can, you've finally succeeded at grossing out Angelina.

It seems that Angelina wants to mess around with other men and possibly women. If she's anything like us, she wants to mate with people who don't have what appears to be a dead rat dangling from their chins...

... or moldy shower caps on their heads.

Brad, oh Brad, please make this New Years resolution for 2010: Just DUMP that nutty, if hot, serial adopter and start grooming yourself so that you don't look like you've holed yourself up in The Unibomber's cabin for the past year. And would it kill you to take a bath?

Brad, clean up and come celebrate 2010 with the Mamas of Mamarazzi. Between the four of us, we have 11 kids but we're willing to make special time for you. We'll even let you keep the shower cap if necessary, but be forewarned: We draw the line at chin rats.

Oh, and it's OK with us if you introduce us to your pal George Clooney.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM MAMARAZZI!

We'd like to congratulate Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart for the impending birth of what will no doubt be a seriously good-looking infant.

OK, that was nice. And supportive. We didn't even mention the naked hot tub sex.

So now that we're BFFs with Eric, we'd like to take this opportunity to beg him not to let himself go. Because we noticed his hat, and we're very concerned.

As a refresher, here are a couple of pictures of the pre-Dad, pre-hat Eric Dane:

Now look what happened to Brad Pitt. We start with the fresh-faced, bare-armed hunk,

add one child and a hat

and the next thing you know, you've got a hot mess.

Eric, it looks like a harmless little hat, but in reality, it's a slippery slope. Don't let this happen to you.

Not because they're the most gorgeous papa- and Mamarazzi magnets on the planet.

You know them because they're that family in the supermarket with two small, cranky, shrieking children whose parents who are just plain clueless in the supermarket. Seriously, look at Zahara. She just reeks of having just had a hissy fit in the store. Look at Brad. He's got that dad who barely survived the shopping expedition look. Angie? Oh, please, she's posing.

We all know them too well. The families with kids who whine and cry for Cap'n Crunch® and Cookie Crisp® while Mom and Dad ignore their constant, ever escalating pleas that make you want to grab the parents and tell them to make it STOP or you won't be responsible for your actions.

These are the ultra-annoying people you see every time you enter a new aisle and you wish would just check out already because they're making you homicidal.

The big difference is, most uber-annoying families don't prompt you to call TMZ to document the momentous occasion that's got your heart all a-flutter.

It appears that Angelina now insists that Brad carry the family purse.

Photo from TMZ.com.

The Mamas guess that Brad's purse contains tissues (both clean and used), small baggies full of Goldfish crackers and Cheerios, at least two hair clips, hand sanitizer, and probably an action figure or two.

(And we're not sure, but we think that Papa Pitt also has one of Zahara's or Shiloh's pink scrunchies around his neck.)

* Elaine on "Seinfeld."

We gotta hand it to you, it's a creative approach!
However, birthing two bus loads of kids and changing your look

Radar

to better resemble his sex kitten lover/adoption partner/offspringer bearer,

NBC/AP

is not going to get you any closer to sleeping with Brad Pitt.

So knock it off.

Getty

And there in the glare of the paparazzi flashbulbs, baby Knoxx realized the stylist screwed him over by sticking one of Dad's old hats on his head and calling it good.