Recently in Angelina Jolie Category

Angelina shows a fashion trend anyone can recreate with just a simple trip to the garage that is ideal for mothers of young, sticky children, anyone living in moist conditions, or wives of garbage collectors:

DListed

Now that her former bodyguard has spilled the beans about Angelina's crazy behavior, it's time for her to rehabilitate her image.

Popsugar

So on a recent trip to Venice, Angelina Jolie dropped $5,000 on an Akris ponyhair bag. But before she handed over her credit card, she had her stylist call the company to assure her that the ponies were treated well. She was assured that they were.

We're sure the news gave Angelina the warm squishies, but honestly, if she's trying to rehabilitate her image (and she should be, considering the allegations in the InTouch interview) buying a white bag made of the ponytails of virginal unicorns is just a first step.

Next, she'll have to fill the bag with fortune cookies full of messages like "I'm sorry I stole Brad" and have it shipped to Jennifer.

Most important of all, she'll have to get Billygoat Brad to shave off his chin dreads. Sorry, Angie, but we're married women, and we know who has final say about a man's appearance.

Here are some of Brad's facial hair shenanigans when he was married to Jennifer

MillionFace

and here's what he's wearing, now that he's with Angelina.

The Mirror

Angie, wake up. This thing is a cry for help. Forget the ponies and the orphans for a minute and save Brad. If you're really serious about making the world a better place, go all Delilah on Brad's chin. If this thing gets any longer, Brad will be able to donate his chin dreads to Locks of Love and have them weave you a designer bag out of it.

Photo: WENN

At long last, Brad explained to Britain's Sun why he grew that gnarly beard and why he still has it.

"It's boredom. No other reason than that."

Bradley, we understand how it is. Even with forty-seven six kids, a househusband can get very bored indeed while Wifey is off trying to snag her newest co-star at work.

Mamarazzi suggests you do what experienced housespouses do. Read and learn, Brad.

First and foremost, plan your daily activites.





Start your day on a bright, shiny note!





Shop for a meal that will make you spouse proud.





Take a moment to relax with your favorite tunes.





Explore new activities!





Spend some quality time with your best friend.





Get creative! Make something incorporating a passion you share with your spouse; in this case, your mutual love of architecture and Jell-o®!





Last, but not least, Brad, take comfort thinking warm thoughts about what your spouse is doing at this very moment. There, now doesn't this help?

It's official: Celebrating Valentine's Day at some fancy-schmancy lovey-dovey restaurant is SO 2009.

Here's how our opinion leaders do it right:

The Splendiferous Jolie-Pitt clan grabbed gelato at some dive. Granted, that dive is in Venice, Italy. And it is gelato; sweet, creamy to-die-for gelato.

Meanwhile, Britney (seriously, she needs no surname) and her boyfriend, Jason Trawick (he does need one) dined at McDonald's. McDonalds, people. And it's for them, not a kid in sight. From the desperate look on their faces, they needed that Mickey Dee fix, stat.

Yes, tacky Valentine's days rule, We wouldn't put it past our Hollywood heroes to spend next Valentine's Day messing around in the 7-foot Champagne Glass Whirlpool Bath-for-Two at the Pocono Palace. But only if they could get McDonald's delivery.

All photos: Fame Pictures

Is it just us, or does Angelina look really tired?

Photo courtesy of Sun.uk

Maybe she should think twice before she adopts another orphan from a developing country. The jet lag is obviously killing her.

Main stream media (remember them?) are going nuts reporting the results of a recent ParentDish poll, which found that today's mothers would rather leave their kids with Jennifer Aniston than Angelina Jolie.

Well, duh.

Both women have carefully crafted images. Jennifer's image involves perfectly blown-out hair, minimalist evening dresses, and a glamorous event. Angelina's involves big black sunglasses, multiple diaper bags, and a visit to an orphanage.

Let's say an unexpected errand came up and you needed to leave little Kevin with one of them. Which would you ask to babysit, this one:

or this one?

OK, maybe Jen's being a bit too minimalist here. But at least you know she'd have one hand for the diaper bag and one hand for little Kevin. Angie and Brad would totally leave for the airport with little Kevin still asleep in the attic.

That's right, ParentDish. We've seen Home Alone. And that's one reason why actual real-life parents ended up so far down the list of preferred babysitters.

The other reason--that celebrities tend to make terrible parents--well, try to keep up.

That's what we've been saying all along.

Not because they're the most gorgeous papa- and Mamarazzi magnets on the planet.

You know them because they're that family in the supermarket with two small, cranky, shrieking children whose parents who are just plain clueless in the supermarket. Seriously, look at Zahara. She just reeks of having just had a hissy fit in the store. Look at Brad. He's got that dad who barely survived the shopping expedition look. Angie? Oh, please, she's posing.

We all know them too well. The families with kids who whine and cry for Cap'n Crunch® and Cookie Crisp® while Mom and Dad ignore their constant, ever escalating pleas that make you want to grab the parents and tell them to make it STOP or you won't be responsible for your actions.

These are the ultra-annoying people you see every time you enter a new aisle and you wish would just check out already because they're making you homicidal.

The big difference is, most uber-annoying families don't prompt you to call TMZ to document the momentous occasion that's got your heart all a-flutter.

Alright, this is getting annoying. If we're having problems telling which one is Brad's main squeeze(r-outer of kidlets) and which is the one that breeds them by the half dozen, plus a couple extra just to be safe, imagine the poor kids!

What happens when Shiloh or Pax comes across Octomom in the park? Or when a gaggle of girls from Octomom's first litter accidentally follows Angelina home?
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

You know, that Angie might be a homewrecker, but she seems to be a pretty okay mom.

"She's beautiful, and I love her, and she can like, adopt me if she wants to."
- Miley Cyrus, on Best Actress nominee Angelina Jolie, to E! host Ryan Seacrest

People

Mamarazzi excuses Miley for her apparent confusion between physical attraction and like, actual parenting, as there are no daddy/daughter pictures like this in any of our photo albums.

Vogue

Vogue

We gotta hand it to you, it's a creative approach!
However, birthing two bus loads of kids and changing your look

Radar

to better resemble his sex kitten lover/adoption partner/offspringer bearer,

NBC/AP

is not going to get you any closer to sleeping with Brad Pitt.

So knock it off.