Recently in Angelina Jolie Category

We're getting worried about Angelina Jolie. She's currently doing her U.N. Ambassador thing visiting Syrian refugees in Turkey, and we applaud her for that.

But we want her to come home from Turkey and visit the Wisconsin State Fair. Then make a pit stop at a 7/11 for a Big Gulp and a sack of Cheetos. Followed by a photo op at Millions of Milkshakes. Washed down with a Venti Frappuccino with whipped cream and extra syrup. And finish with a week-long fried oyster, bread pudding, and beignet-athon in New Orleans.

We won't sling the a------- word around. But girlfriend is looking frail.

Yeah, saints and great religious leaders tend to be portrayed as ectomorphs. But Angie, nobody is more generous, loving, and tirelessly giving than Santa Claus, and he's thicker than a whale omelet.

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Photo courtesy of Celebitchy

We just heard that Brangelina spend $10 million a year on child-related expenses. No, their children do not wear chinchilla diapers fastened with diamond diaper pins. These expenses involve things like living in hotels, first-class airfare for flying their enormous brood around the world, and a nanny for each child.

That last part sounds kind of pleasant. So next year, we're asking our husbands to fork out the $100,000 each nanny costs so we never have to change another diaper.

Why are these nannies so expensive? Well, apparently they need a college degree in child development. And they need to speak at least two languages, including the language of the adopted kids' country of origin.

Most of all, the nannies need to be invisible. And invisibility doesn't come cheap.

Mamarazzi calls bullshit on Star magazine's cover story on Angelina.

Every mama knows if you have six kids, a super hot husband, a filled-to-the-brim volunteer schedule AND busy work life, you reach for cocaine or speed, NOT heroin.

Zahara has clearly heard of the recent rash of celebrity pregnancies/engagements/breakups and knows who would be the one to bring that sort of chaos into her life.

Photographic evidence that Angelina Jolie is actually human and apparently.......gassy.

Shiloh Jolie Pitt, (shown above in a non-paparazzi photo -- we're sticking to our convictions, this week at least) Mamarazzi's watching you like Obi-Wan watched Luke Skywalker. We know The Force is strong in you.

Now, we all know that Angelina's a Force of nature. She's beyond physically flawless, she's intelligent, and deep. And her darkness? Legendary.

We have every reason to believe that Shiloh's inherited all of this and then some. She's only four, yet she's beautiful, strongly opinionated and perhaps half a bubble off plumb. First, the whole Montenegro style thing. What now?

Here's what: Angelina Jolie, in the December issue of US Vogue said: "She (Shiloh) came in and said, 'Can I have a dead pet?' And I'm, 'Uh-uh, I don't think it's healthy, honey. I think they have to put him in a box,' and I had to run out to find, like, a taxidermy bird. I just worked it out for her."

Given that she want a deceased pet, in addition to the family's several living pets, we're guessing Shiloh's going to push The Dark Side to places it's never gone.

Don't be shocked when the Jolie Pitts build a treehouse in the shape of the Death Star.

Angelina shows a fashion trend anyone can recreate with just a simple trip to the garage that is ideal for mothers of young, sticky children, anyone living in moist conditions, or wives of garbage collectors:

DListed

Now that her former bodyguard has spilled the beans about Angelina's crazy behavior, it's time for her to rehabilitate her image.

Popsugar

So on a recent trip to Venice, Angelina Jolie dropped $5,000 on an Akris ponyhair bag. But before she handed over her credit card, she had her stylist call the company to assure her that the ponies were treated well. She was assured that they were.

We're sure the news gave Angelina the warm squishies, but honestly, if she's trying to rehabilitate her image (and she should be, considering the allegations in the InTouch interview) buying a white bag made of the ponytails of virginal unicorns is just a first step.

Next, she'll have to fill the bag with fortune cookies full of messages like "I'm sorry I stole Brad" and have it shipped to Jennifer.

Most important of all, she'll have to get Billygoat Brad to shave off his chin dreads. Sorry, Angie, but we're married women, and we know who has final say about a man's appearance.

Here are some of Brad's facial hair shenanigans when he was married to Jennifer

MillionFace

and here's what he's wearing, now that he's with Angelina.

The Mirror

Angie, wake up. This thing is a cry for help. Forget the ponies and the orphans for a minute and save Brad. If you're really serious about making the world a better place, go all Delilah on Brad's chin. If this thing gets any longer, Brad will be able to donate his chin dreads to Locks of Love and have them weave you a designer bag out of it.

Photo: WENN

At long last, Brad explained to Britain's Sun why he grew that gnarly beard and why he still has it.

"It's boredom. No other reason than that."

Bradley, we understand how it is. Even with forty-seven six kids, a househusband can get very bored indeed while Wifey is off trying to snag her newest co-star at work.

Mamarazzi suggests you do what experienced housespouses do. Read and learn, Brad.

First and foremost, plan your daily activites.





Start your day on a bright, shiny note!





Shop for a meal that will make you spouse proud.





Take a moment to relax with your favorite tunes.





Explore new activities!





Spend some quality time with your best friend.





Get creative! Make something incorporating a passion you share with your spouse; in this case, your mutual love of architecture and Jell-o®!





Last, but not least, Brad, take comfort thinking warm thoughts about what your spouse is doing at this very moment. There, now doesn't this help?

It's official: Celebrating Valentine's Day at some fancy-schmancy lovey-dovey restaurant is SO 2009.

Here's how our opinion leaders do it right:

The Splendiferous Jolie-Pitt clan grabbed gelato at some dive. Granted, that dive is in Venice, Italy. And it is gelato; sweet, creamy to-die-for gelato.

Meanwhile, Britney (seriously, she needs no surname) and her boyfriend, Jason Trawick (he does need one) dined at McDonald's. McDonalds, people. And it's for them, not a kid in sight. From the desperate look on their faces, they needed that Mickey Dee fix, stat.

Yes, tacky Valentine's days rule, We wouldn't put it past our Hollywood heroes to spend next Valentine's Day messing around in the 7-foot Champagne Glass Whirlpool Bath-for-Two at the Pocono Palace. But only if they could get McDonald's delivery.

All photos: Fame Pictures