Recently in Aging Rockers Category

When we saw unretouched photos of Madonna's recent Vuitton photoshoot, we immediately identified: Just like us, Madge drains herself getting four kids out of bed, packing their school lunches, carpooling, then racing to the gym to maintain those gristle arms that her fifth child, Jesus, likes so much.

Then we saw this photo.

We perused Madonna's 13-year old daughter Lourdes' fashion statement du jour. Lola's sporting J-Woww's Daisy Dukes, The Situation's white framed sunglasses, Snooki's mom's New Jersey chic tee shirt, wow, Lourdes sure loves her black pantyhose and HEL-LO! WHAT'S THAT ON LITTLE LOURDES' WRIST?! We're betting that's not a sanctioned item in Macy's Material Girl line.

Sooooo... Madonna and child spend quality time together grooving to Bob Marley in a haze of sweet, sweet smoke?

Now we have a whole new insight into Madonna's beat appearance. It's her new oh so chic sleepy stoner look.

Photos: Vuitton, Bauer- Griffin

OK, you're an ancient (62 going on 162) Rolling Stone. You make millions just slouching in your rocking chair. Yet you attract hot babes. How do you decide whether they're worth putting up with all the obvious differences? How do you decide whether they're worth taking years off you life?

Mamarazzi exclusively knows that Ron makes a list of pros and cons. Behold.

Pro: She's old school groovy.
Con: Dear God, I was making peace symbols way back in 1965.





Pro: She's got me drinking water instead of gin.
Con: Gad, her lack of subtlety makes even ME want to bolt.





Pro: She's CRAZY!
Con: She's CRAZY!





Pro: Aww, she wants to be Number One in my life.
Con: WHAT?! She wants me to throw out my very hot photos of my 20-year-old ex?!





Eh, we had a good run.

photos: Big Pictures

Anyone can play! Select the time when you first realized Sir Elton was a douchenoodle, and we'll tell you how old you are. Was it when

1) Elton wore crazy costumes

hundreds of pairs of platform shoes, and custom-made glasses

in a failed attempt

to divert attention from his balding pate?

2) Was it when he

started writing music for Walt Disney

abandoned his failed attempts to cover his balding head, had doll hair glued to his scalp, and

recycled "Candle in the Wind" for Princess Diana's funeral?

3) Or when, in a lame attempt to appear relevant and controversial, he announced that the extremely long-haired Jesus was gay.

Yes, we attribute the whole thing to hair envy. We really are that shallow.

If you picked 1: You're a baby boomer! We're sorry.

If you picked 2: You're Generation X! Keep trying to stay hip!

If you picked 3: You're timeless and eternal, like Elton's new hair.

Dear Bimbo:

You've got to be kidding. He's 42 years older than you; he's an alcoholic who regularly sucks down two bottles of vodka a day, and he's just been arrested for beating you.

Look, if you want money, there are easier ways to earn it. Like reality shows. Or the lottery. Or selling your soul to the devil.

Anything's better than having sex with a cigar store Indian.

Even if it gives a whole new meaning to the word "Wood."

Smooches,
The Mamarazzi

You may have read the shocking story of how a 24 year old rookie New Jersey policewoman didn't recognize Bob Dylan; neither did the woman who called the cops to investigate the creepy old man nosing aroud her neighborhood. Seems the now 68-year-old Voice of a Generation no longer looks like the young eccentric above, he looks like the gazillionaire bag lady man below.

It's an epidemic. Rock gods of the 60's and 70's sure look different than they did in their heyday.

Grace Slick has transformed from gorgeous to granny.

Jimmy Page looks like he's traded his Quaaludes for Werther's.

Steven Tyler's now his own grandma.

And Keith Richards is in a class of his own. We think he's actually been decomposing for decades.

Madonna's obviously worried that she's aging too and looks a little different from her 80's self, despite the plastic surgery and bodybuilding.

The whole Bob Dylan incident has to have freaked Madge out a little. She doesn't want to be mistaken for an emaciated vagrant.

So she's emblazoned her wardrobe with her name, just to avoid confusion over her identity.

Or maybe, at 51, she needs large type name tags to find her clothes.

Remember "The Monster Mash?"

Of course you do.

Well, the original artist, Bobby "Boris" Pickett will live forever, won't he? You listened to his song, your parents probably listened to his song, and now your kids listen to his song. That's better than fifteen minutes of fame.

But apparently, for Pickett's daughter, that's not enough. So she had his ashes made into a diamond ring.

Los Angeles, CA October 31st, 2008 – Bobby Pickett who co-wrote and performed "The Monster Mash", died at the age of 69 on April 25, 2007 in Los Angeles, California, due to complications from leukemia. His daughter Nancy Huus was at his side when he died.

After his death, Nancy had a .44 ct colorless LifeGem diamond created from his cremated remains. She wears it in a white gold solitaire ring. Pickett was diagnosed with leukemia 5 years ago, and he and his daughter Nancy talked openly about death. “I saw a show about turning cremated remains into diamonds,” said Nancy, “I immediately called my father and told him that I wanted to make a diamond from his cremated remains; he loved the idea.”

On Halloween Pickett used to say “They dig me up every year.” This year for Halloween his daughter is wearing him as a LifeGem Diamond Ring. “Bobby was a minimalist, not elaborate,” said Huus. Her simple solitaire ring reflects that personality.

Bless her heart, isn't that just as sweet as a bowl of Halloween candy?

Pardon us while we retch. Not about making someone's ashes into a diamond ... after all, people bronze baby shoes and dry wedding bouquets--why not recycle pop's ashes?

No, it's the idea of doing it, and then allowing yourself to be quoted in marketing materials.

That's just gruesome.

(Do you agree? Disagree? Want to have us cremated and made into a tiara? Come over here and comment.)

And who are these old guys?

Whoa, seems that Britney wasn't the only one releasing a new CD on Tuesday. The Backstreet Boys, who over the years have shared management, songwriters and precious bodily fluids with with Brit Brit, rose from the dead with a new CD and a slew of daytime TV appearances. This is totally unlike Britney, who's too busy taking showers and swapping barmaids' outfits to do any promotion for her new CD.

And, according to our research, at least one Backstreet Boy now has a kid, qualifying them for Mamarazzi snarking!

We're surprised that they're still together. Our burning question: Does anybody care?

Really, let us know. We're all friends here. If you're buying their CD we'll have boy bands to make fun of again.

Today we got an email telling us that the staff at MothersDayCentral.com liked our "witty commentary." They said they wanted to paste this

onto our foreheads.

Well, we skipped all the way home. We were so excited! We couldn't wait to show off our award!

They like us!

And we like them, too. Very much. We feel ... very close to them.

In fact, we think we're going to snort them.

Two days ago, Keith Richards, the squirrely-mustached 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist and father of two girls who, thankfully, look like their mom, was quoted in NME Magazine:

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

Yesterday, Keith stated in rollingstones.com:

"The complete story is lost in the usual slanting! The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak . I took the lid off the box of ashes and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!! I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were. That tight!!! I wouldn't take cocaine at this point in my life unless I wished to commit suicide."

Whatever you say, Keith!!!!

But seriously, who can tell which celebrity quotes are true or false? Which brings us to:

TODAY'S POP QUIZ: WHICH PARENTAL CELEB QUOTES ARE TRUE?

1. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields

2. "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears

3. "I enjoy the company of cattle. I really enjoy knowing them, running my hand over them."
-Russell Crowe

4. "I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way."
- Victoria Beckham

5. "There's a sculpture in our bedroom, a solid brass replica of Antonio's manhood. It's very expensive, he gave it to me as a romantic gift."
- Melanie Griffith

6. "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."
- Britney Spears, again

7. "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
- Arnold Schwarzanegger

8. "Lighten up, everybody! We mean, who hasn't snorted their father?"
- Mamarazzi

ANSWER: They're all true! Our lawyers forced us to only print real quotes. Hey, who needs fiction? Celebrity parenting is so easy to snark.

photo: Reuters

3 of the 4 following rockstars are grandfathers.

Which one isn't?

Bonus points if you know how many kids and grandkids they each have.

Leave your answers in the comments.

Reports are in that Gwen Stefani gave birth to a baby boy just after 1pm on Friday. Congrats to the newest member of Club Motherhood. The couple has considered the name Kingston, King for short.