Gwyneth, STOP! Your new cookbook, My Father's Daughter doesn't make cooking obscure healthy food irresistibly fun and easy, it makes snarking you irresistibly fun and easy. AGAIN.
Seriously, you may be the etherial, lovely person you want us to believe you are, so we won't extend our claws on you. We'll let photos and quotes from your book do almost all the talking.
Gwyneth's not only got more famous dear friends than you do, they're more literate.
As you can see by the emptiness of her distant eyes, sniffing cherry tomatoes hypnotizes Gwyneth.
NOTE: Gwyneth NEVER looks at the food. Never.
Here's the happy housewife and kids, appropriately dressed in white cotton and linen for snarfing healthier-than-yours blueberry muffins. 'Cause, you know blueberries don't stain people who can't even bring themselves to look at the food.
"The stove is really the epicenter of my house -- I am never far away from it and most of the time there is something atop it, simmering away for my family."
Also, you'd better stop staring into foodless space again and watch your kids' perfectly groomed toes around that pasta crimper.
Here's Gwyneth with the woman who's doing most of the Paltrow/Martin household cooking. May we add, hairnet, please!
"In the last ten years or so, cooking has become my main ancillary passion in life."
"I am constantly thinking about ways to give my children something filled with as much nutritional value as possible."
And oh, Gwyn, we can't help but mention that people with eating disorders obsess over food.
We think this photo sums it all up: Gwyneth and her people have worked long and hard to develop a truly gorgeous cookbook full of fantasy food that's made of obscure ingredients that nobody outside the culinary community can find, and which Gwyneth won't eat anyway.
Like Gwyneth herself, it's pretty but absolutely and unnecessarily false. Please, get real. And please get some help with your food issues.
Photos: Amazon.com
I can see how her and Mario are besties. His show on FN (which I think is long gone) was so strange. It would just be 2 or 3 people sitting in his kitchen, and he used so many Italian phrases and big words and fancy techniques. It was so unrelatable. From the look of his foreword for her book, he likes to awe everyone with his intellect just like Gwyn does.
Oh yeah. I SO want my kids sitting on a counter with their feet right next to my food. What gets me is the people who follow her like little puppies. Do they think she really knows who they are? Do they think it somehow makes them oh so important? Do they have such sad little lives that this is all they have to look forward to?