We're not exactly sure when Playboy magazine lost its last vestige of hipness, but as bad boy cultural institutions go, it's right up there with Harley Davidson motorcycles and The Rolling Stones.
In other words, no one under 40 is interested.
Our theory is that Playboy is gradually positioning itself as the skin mag of the AARP--the magazine that makes aging Baby Boomer males feel young! And alive!
Which explains why they decided to put Pamela Anderson on their next cover.
We're not saying Pamela doesn't look great, because she does. If somewhat ... retouched. And pneumatic.
It's just that the cover looks an awful lot like this
Right down to the tousled blonde hair, black bustier, and tribal tattoo. But this is a still from Barb Wire, a film that was released in 1996.
Here we are, on the brink of starting the second decade of the 21st century, and Pamela looks the way she did in the 90s. We're not going to go all Picture of Dorian Gray or start rumors about vampires quite yet (even though some of us are Buffy fans who were English majors.)
And anyway, it gets weirder. Pamela Anderson first appeared on the cover of Playboy in 1989. Which means that if Playboy covers could go to school, that cover would be a college graduate who has moved back home and is playing video games in the basement.
And it looks like Pamela Anderson may very well be appearing on the cover of Playboy when her kids have kids, giving rise to a whole new icky acronym, GILF.
So. We stand by our assertion that while its subscribers weren't looking, Playboy magazine was secretly bought by the AARP.
I always figured Photoshop was both the best and worst thing to ever come out of technology. How absolutely putrid to think of her kids reading this magazine. Can you just imagine how twisted those poor boys minds are? And can't you just hear the drool from a thousand psychiatrists hitting the floor while they are rubbing their hands with glee at the thought? I am fairly certain Freud NEVER imagined something like this when he wrote about "mommy issues"...
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