November 2010 Archives
Nov
30
30
Next Come the Locusts...
And we don't mean his dad. We mean Gwen. And we don't mean that his nails are chipped. Far from it. Here he is, sitting under the dryer after getting a mani/pedi with mom.
Now, we're sure people are going to get all judgey about a four-year-old boy wearing glitter nail polish. Hell, there are people who'd get judgey even if Kingston were a girl.
Not us! We're an equal-opportunity-glitter group.
But we do wonder about one thing. We always thought that story about a woman dyeing her kid's hair to make her own color look more natural was an urban legend.
But apparently not.
What do you think--does Kingston's hair have that loving-hands-at-home Sun-In vibe? Or is there a salon employee somewhere who's dying to be outed at Gwen Stefani's son's colorist?
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Photos courtesy of D-Listed.
Thanksgiving's tough for celebrities. The thankful part's easy enough: Most thank their lucky stars for their good luck, good agents, and great plastic surgeons. But the food? Major problem.
Angelina Jolie won't celebrate Thanksgiving because she doesn't eat, period as a protest against how we've treated the Native Americans.
Mamarazzi loves, loves, loves Ellen DeGeneres and Amanda Lee Rogers Portia de Rossi Portia Lee James DeGeneres and we're concerned about their Thanksgiving dinner. Ellen and Portia are strict vegans, meaning they pretty much don't eat anything that casts a shadow. Also, they have to wear pinchy plastic shoes.
We sincerely hope their chef doesn't resort to serving the venerable vegan staple, Tofurkey®, shown here in the most appetizing photo we could find. Veggies and tofu can be scrumptious but tofu pretending to be meat? In the words of Monty Python, it just don't work!
Lady Gaga, on the other hand, has a whole other problem.
She frets, hoping her butcher can take time out from his family celebration to slice her a proper raw turkey outfit.
Photos: hollywoodgiants.com (top), whatscookingamerica.net (center) jeff kravitz, filmmagic (bottom)
Nov
23
23
We Believe Her
Let's face it, Capri Anderson has to be telling the truth because porn stars just aren't that good of actresses...
We completely accept that she didn't call the police the night Charlie Sheen was out of control because she felt insignificant against him and that no one would believe her and you know what? She's right. The way Charlie Sheen has been allowed to skate time after time from one abusive allegation to the next... this is a man who shot ("accidentally) then girlfriend Kelly Preston... a man who held a knife to his wife's throat... a man who repeatedly abuses drugs and alcohol and all the world can seem to do is applaud him and raise his salary.
He now makes close to $2 million dollars an episode for that piece of crap sit-com, "Two and a Half Men".
Mamarazzi doesn't blame her one bit for suing The Sheen in civil court or for speaking to the press... and we hope justice finally prevails over Teflon Charlie, the world's greatest dipshit.
Yes, gentle readers, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the internet, Courtney Love re-discovered twitter.
For proof, see the following picture she twatted recently.
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Warning--it's NSFW.
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Unless you work at a Honey-Baked Ham franchise.
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Ready? OK.
We tried to come up with a suitable caption, but everything we thought of was so vulgar, we were embarrassing ourselves.
We've given up. We're off to start our week with visions of sex toys, cellulite cream, the apples used to garnish a suckling pig, Madonna's "Like a Prayer" video, and Thigh Masters dancing in our heads.
If you can say the same, then our work here is done.
(Photo courtesy of D-Listed.)
We took one look at this photograph of Lindsay Lohan and practically jumped for joy. Floral minis, black boots--squee! The nineties are obviously back! Thank goodness we never cleaned that far back in our closet. We're sure there's a ditsy-floral dress in there somewhere. And we have a pair of boots just like that! From 1992.
Unfortunately, we also have thighs like that.
Come to think of it--this photograph was taken at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Note to selves: place floral minis and other 1990s memorabilia in daughter's closet and/or daughter's dress-up collection.
Wills and Kate are really engaged: Let the cheesy souvenirs commence!
Which royal wedding tchotkes get the royal thumbs-up?
This tasteful set of china plate, mug and something or other?
Please note that besides the lovely faux Baroque stylings,the china features odd photos of the betrothed. Behold.
Is it just us or does the loving couple look a little p-o'ed? Hey, Kate, if you don't wipe off that thinly disguised smirk, your face will freeze like that.
Two thumbs WAY down.
Below, a more straightforward mug, suitable for the manly Prime Minister himself. Problem is, what manly man, even a British manly man, would sip even the strongest brew from a mug featuring a proper young lady in a proper Ascot silly hat?
Two thumbs firmly down.
Mamarazzi, has a better idea. These commemorative items are meant to serve food, right? We suggest that the Royal Family license their images to traditional English food products worthy of the lovely vessels above.
So, how's about Wills & Kate endorsed taste-as-good-as-they-look-eels? Thumbs up!
Better yet, how about the randy young couple showing their love for bangers? Two thumbs WAY up!
Shall we take this one step further and let Wills & Kate show their appreciation for spotted dick? Mamarazzi tried some recently and gave it FOUR thumbs up.
All that's missing here is a beverage fit for a Prince. In our interest of including the Father of the Groom, we heartily suggest that curious old Prince Charles appropriately promote one of Britain's oldest brews, Old Peculier.
Photo: Reuters
Nov
17
17
Tickled Pink
Awww, we're tickled pink (two days in a row! A record!) to learn that Pink and her husband Corey are expecting their own little pink bundle.
Underneath Pink's rough girl exterior lies a sensitive heart and an impressive set of pipes as evidenced by her performance at the last Grammy Awards. We can't help but think what an awe-inspiring clip this will be to share with her own daughter someday.
Rock on with your bad, fearless, fit self, Pink. We think you've got the makings of being a great momma!
Nov
16
16
Waity Katie No More
Mamarazzi isn't sure just why we care... perhaps because Mamarazzi is old enough to remember when Lady Diana Spencer became Her Highness, the Princess of Wales, and we stayed up through the wee hours of the morning to watch the royal wedding and marvel at the 25' bridal train...
Perhaps it is because we remember when Prince William was born and how cute he looked in his little John John rompers...
Perhaps it is because we remember when Diana was killed and how heartbreaking it was to watch her sons trail sadly behind her casket... a casket adorned with a small card reading, "Mummy"...
For those reasons and more, Mamarazzi wishes the newly engaged Prince William and Kate Middleton nothing but happiness...
And we can't wait to see the dress.
Photo courtesy of TLC
We all know that the children of Hollywood stars have a rough time of it. Many of them act out at an early age. Charlie Sheen was expelled from high school. By the time she was 13 years old, Drew Barrymore was in rehab.
But the Gosselin kids make Drew and Charlie look like amateurs. At the age of six, Collin and Alexis have been expelled from their private school for fighting, bullying, and using bad language.
The kids reportedly have "anger control issues" due to Kate Gosselin's decision to continue filming Kate Plus 8.
Well, color us surprised!
Think about it. Dooce--arguably the most famous mommyblogger--has stopped writing about her five year old daughter--because her daughter asked her to. And television is way more intrusive than blogs. After all, six year olds can't read blogs--but they sure as hell can watch TV. Which means the Gosselin kids' classmates can watch every single embarrassing thing they've ever done. Not to mention things like Kate's consultation with a plastic surgeon to discuss getting a tummy tuck. We won't forget that one any time soon, and we're not six years old.
Under the circumstances, wouldn't you expect Kate "Fame Whore" Gosselin to let her kids discover the joys of privacy?
Yeah, us either.
Shiloh Jolie Pitt, (shown above in a non-paparazzi photo -- we're sticking to our convictions, this week at least) Mamarazzi's watching you like Obi-Wan watched Luke Skywalker. We know The Force is strong in you.
Now, we all know that Angelina's a Force of nature. She's beyond physically flawless, she's intelligent, and deep. And her darkness? Legendary.
We have every reason to believe that Shiloh's inherited all of this and then some. She's only four, yet she's beautiful, strongly opinionated and perhaps half a bubble off plumb. First, the whole Montenegro style thing. What now?
Here's what: Angelina Jolie, in the December issue of US Vogue said: "She (Shiloh) came in and said, 'Can I have a dead pet?' And I'm, 'Uh-uh, I don't think it's healthy, honey. I think they have to put him in a box,' and I had to run out to find, like, a taxidermy bird. I just worked it out for her."
Given that she want a deceased pet, in addition to the family's several living pets, we're guessing Shiloh's going to push The Dark Side to places it's never gone.
Don't be shocked when the Jolie Pitts build a treehouse in the shape of the Death Star.
Nov
10
10
This is How You Do It
Remember a year ago when we celebrated Dakota Fanning's making her normal, average public school's Homecoming Court?
Well, that was last year, and as Lindsay Lohan has shown time and time again, a lot can happen in a year................
This is what happened to Miss Fanning THIS year:
Excuse us as we wipe away a happy tear.
Nov
09
09
You May Have Noticed...
Mamarazzi doesn't actually run many "Paparazzi" shots of celebrity parents with their children... we used to, but after seeing the above video of Kate Moss and her daughter waiting for their car at LAX, we're sticking to the celebs themselves (unless they are walking a red carpet with their kids or at some event where they know they will be photographed).
The video was used to pass legislation to fine paparazzi $5,000 if they interfere with either traffic or the operation of a car...
It's a start.
What do you think? Are celebrity children fair game or do we need tougher laws to protect them?
Think we're kidding? Check out Gwyneth Paltrow's cover version of "Purple Rain" in the upcoming Glee episode that pays tribute to Prince.
OK, we're kidding. Gwyneth will actually be performing a medley of Rihanna's "Umbrella" and "Singin' in the Rain."
And yes, OK. We're repeating ourselves. We've already made fun of the idea of Gwyneth singing--although at the time, we said that if Gwyneth was good enough for Glee, she was good enough for us.
We've re-thought the matter, and decided that Gwyneth Paltrow needs to leave our favorite television show alone. Gwyneth's appearance as a guest star means that Glee has jumped the shark. A big, fat GOOPy shark.
Because seriously, who's next? At this rate, all our favorite snark targets are going to end up as guest stars. Glee already did an episode honoring Madonna, and Britney Spears made a cameo appearance this season.
Glee fans, stick with us and save yourself a ton of trouble. Want to know who's going to guest-star? Just check here. Anyone we regularly mock is probably going to end up on the show.
With our luck, Levi Johnston will be next.
Think back to the TV shows we watched as kids and remember the important role played by puppets. What could be more endearing, more evocative of a pure, carefree child's imagination than watching an adult interacting with an adorable puppet character?
There was Shari Lewis and Lampchop
Jim Hanson's iconic Kermit the frog
And Pee-wee Herman's Pterri.
And then this picture promoting Mel Gibson's latest movie had to come along and spoil it.
We'll never think of beavers puppets the same way.
Mel Gibson image rehab FAIL!
Sixteen's an awkward age even if you're not a tiny singer/superstar with a disturbingly changing voice. You have to deal with other changes.
Note little Justin's left hand. Help us decide why it's found its way to his no-no spot.
A. He needs to go pee-pee.
B. He's thinking about his hot touring partner/girlfriend Jasmine Villegas.
C. He's considering, with mixed feelings, adding a bad-boy crotch grab to "Baby".
D. He's 16. His hand just goes there with a mind of its own.
E. All of the above.
Photo: WENN
1. Miley's father, Billy Ray Cyrus felt this was an acceptable father/daughter pose for a photoshoot.
2. About a year after the infamous photo, Bret Michaels (46) recorded a duet with Miley (17) that contained the lyrics "We both know better than this/Still we can't resist/Slowly get undressed.Won't you fall down on me/So close I can feel you breathe."
3. Miley's mother is alleged to have had an affair with Michaels when he was working on "Nothing to Lose" with Miley. This affair is said to be the reason Billy Ray filed for divorce from Tish, ending their seventeen year marriage.
Wow.
Best of luck dealing with all that baggage, kid.
Damn, Disney... what are you doing to these girls?
Poor little Demi Lovato, star of Sonny With a Chance and Camp Rock Parts 1 & 2, has quit touring with the Jonas Brothers and checked herself into rehab for "behavioral" issues.
Apparently, sheʼs a cutter, which is so horrible that Mamarazzi actually gets a bit teary
thinking about it and wonders if she might also be on The Drugs and maybe The Alcohol.
But Mamarazzi hopes to be wrong.
Audrina Patridge's mom:
If you can't take five minutes of drunken ranting, here's a take-away quote:
"She's kicking a-- on her reality show and we're going to f---ing smoke, especially Lauren Conrad's pissy a-- little fashion s--t. That b--ch wants to bring it on? Let's go! Let's f---ing go!"
No word yet from Lauren Conrad's mom.
The good news is Lynn Patridge is going to be on Audrina's upcoming reality show. And hey! We have an idea for a new reality show in case Audrina's tanks: take a bunch of celebrity moms--say, Dina Lohan, Lynn Conrad, Sharon Osbourne, and Kris Jenner--and make them compete to see which one can wreck her child's career the fastest.
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