October 2010 Archives

Photo courtesy of China Daily
We know it's a little early--it isn't even Halloween, yet--but we've just invented a new award: The Daddiest Daddy who ever Daddied. And the first recipient will be Michael Lohan.

That's because to ensure his daughter's well-being, the man is willing to make the ultimate self-sacrifice. He's willing to get drunk.

OK, it's a little more involved than that. First he plans to demand entrance to the Betty Ford Clinic in order to gain access to Lindsay. If that fails, he plans to get drunk and cause a scene in front of the clinic. This will cause them to call the police and have him arrested, whereupon he will magically gain admittance.

Because that's how famous rehab centers get new patients! They hang out a shingle and then wait for people to come pass out on their front steps in a pool of Mad Dog and vomit.

We doubt that anyone could top that for fatherly devotion and self-sacrifice. But there are two and a half months left in 2010, so David Hasselhoff, Mel Gibson, and Joe Jackson? You've got your work cut out for you. Show us what you can do.

Being moms ourselves, we care about our loved ones' education. Dear reader, this includes you. Again, we wish to drill into your head one simple message: You do NOT want to be famous.

Here we are, ordinary schlubs, and we know when celebs last had sex. Thanks to viral sex videos and assorted loudmouths, we're more in tune with celebs' romantic lives than we are with our own.

For instance, everyone with internet access is privileged to know that splitting couple Laura Dern and Ben Harper did the naked pretzel only last week. We also know, thanks to Courtney Cox's blabbermouth soon-to-be-ex David Arquette, that they last co-mingled four months ago. Gack, those mental images can't be unseen!

BUT, if you still crave fame, use your own three year old chatterbox to tell the world about your whoopie-making.

Photos: Getty Images, PR Photos, TMZ

Moms have always coveted their kids' hair color. Here's Ashlee Simpson Wentz sporting her new 'do and Bronx Mowgli color.

This reminds us of the Mad Men era, when real life pioneering woman copywriter Shirley Polykoff understood women and created a series of iconic - and insanely effective - ads for Clairol©

Wants never change but grooming sure does.

Mamarazzi does not watch Dancing With the (not) Stars mostly because we have out standards and also because it's on opposite Flipping Out and we have a style crush on Jeff Lewis...

In any case, the (not) stars are currently shimmying their way into week 5 and here is the latest offering, a sexy rumba if you will, from Bristol Palin, a girl who is famous for getting pregnant while her mother was running for VP of the United States.

Watch and then ask yourself: Should I hate Mamarazzi now that they have taken 2 minutes of my life, that I will never get back, watching this snooze fest or LOVE them forever because 31 seconds in I fell into a deep sleep and now feel more rested than I have in weeks!

We think we know where this is headed and, you're welcome.

We really like Grover as the Old Spice guy.

But we it got us thinking about celebrities dressing up as celebrities. Halloween is coming, and although Hilary Duff and her boyfriend as Brangelina was cute:

(Photo courtesy of Crushable)

Perez Hilton as Lady Gaga is not.

(Although maybe we're just jealous of his legs.)

Mamarazzi just heard that Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Lady Gaga text each other when they're going to the same event to make sure they won't be wearing the same thing.

At first we thought--brilliant! Got to remember that one.

But then we realized, oh come on.

As if more than one person at a time

would deliberately look this stupid.

Mamarazzi says: it's not easy being covered in Kermit puppets.

Luckily, only one of you had to go there.

Surely you know about TLC's Sister Wives, the reality show about Kody Brown, his four wives and 16 children.

We can see why Kody likes the arrangement. Who hasn't fantasized about having their own mini cult? Don't answer that question.

But why are his wives krazy for Kody? His awesomely kute name? His awesomely kuddly personality? His awesome aging surfer dude style? His awesomely fabulous career as an advertising salesman? You know, the minimum wage plus commission job that desperate recent liberal arts grads get?

Do they adore Kody's awesome fondness for the word "awesome"?

We think it's something that TV can't detect. We think it's the way he smells.

We think he douses himself daily in AXE Body Spray. Their ads say it all.

She didn't win big money, but this woman will live forever in the collective memory of YouTube.

note to self folks: while felis domestica may stop clawing the sofa when sprayed with a squirt bottle, WATER doesn't effectively quell a lion attack.

Mamarazzi's favorite part is the little boys who tells him mom to, "STOP TEXTING" and pay attention to the madness...

Click to embiggen

After countless failed diets, numerous ridiculous shoe purchases, and thousands of misunderstandings with Irving, the very last Cathy comic strip announced that Cathy is expecting a daughter.

Think about it. Because it's the last Cathy strip, Cathy Guiswite spared her readers countless "acks" about morning sickness, maternity clothes shopping, labor pains, sleepless nights, and the rest of the usual "comic" pregnancy events.

And after 35 years of Cathy's negative body image, we didn't think we could take Cathy-pigging-out-because-she's-pregnant or Cathy-trying-to-lose-the-baby-weight.

Thank you, Cathy Guisewite.

Also, unlike a real celebrity's child, Cathy and Irving's kid won't get picked up for drunk driving or be part of a gruesome custody battle.

Cathy won't annoy us by dropping her baby weight in three weeks.

Irving won't get drunk and call up his daughter and abuse her.

He also won't call weekly press conferences about his daughter's drug addiction.

It's pretty sad when real life celebrities act stupider than people in the funny papers. Or, as Cathy would have said, Ack!

Jenny making a fool out of herself. Again. Photo courtesy of I'm Not Obsessed.

Jenny McCarthy has been famous for a lot of things. Posing for Playboy, posing for Candie's while sitting on the toilet, being on half a million MTV shows, being awarded a Razzie, getting dumped by Jim Carrey--and oh yeah. Being a mother.

We won't go into Jenny's famous claim that MMR immunizations might have been partly responsible for her son's autism, or her slightly less well-known claim that whoops, he didn't have autism, he had Landau-Kleffner syndrome.

We'll just stick with the fact that Jenny has an eight-year-old son.

Would your child be happy that you went on television and said the following Jennyisms? (Translated into plain English by your intrepid team at Mamarazzi):

"No I don't have a sex tape and I'm kind of upset that I don't. You know why? Because I'm really good."

I need proof of what a hot lay I am, because my naked Playboy pictures haven't resulted in enough offers to do me!

"As we get older, I've noticed, now being 37, I'm much more horny than I was in my 20s. I'm about a 9.8 on the horny scale."

Do me before I spontaneously combust!!!

"Size definitely helps, but the thing is, you don't need big. Average is awesome. Standard issue is awesome!"

I'm desperate! Desperate, I tell you! You! Over there! Needle dick the bug humper! DO. ME. NOW.

What's next for Jenny? A remake of "Me So Horny?"