AGAIN, Heidi and Seal need to remind us that they are better than us. This week's evidence is Seal's video for his new song "Secret".
1. They are sooooooooooo much more in love than we'll ever be.
2. They have a sexier bedroom than us.
3. They have nicer jewelry than us.
4. They even have better contrast than us.
Yeah, yeah, we've seen this before, Sheidi/Heal. You know what? Mamarazzi thinks this sex tape video looks like a racy European ad for Secret Deodorant.
As you may have heard, Bristol Palin, unmarried teenager mother and offspring of Sarah Palin, is a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.
Here's a clip that shows a bit of Bristol's performance last week and her quick step in this week's show. See if you are able to spot a theme in the music for both numbers.
(If you'd like to skip the Mama Grizzlie interview wedge in between the two dances, skip ahead to the 2:00 mark.)
Mamarazzi has a few recommendations for music for Bristol to use in future routines:
and our absolute favorite (which strays a wee bit from the theme and didn't allow embedding, so you'll have have to click the link but we swear it's worth it!)
So she was thin (Cheers) then medium (Veronica's Closet) then fat (Fat Actress) then thin again (Jenny Craig) then medium (Star Magazine) and finally once again fat (Kirstie Alley's Big Life)... and now THIN AGAIN (Scientology) and taking photos with "Male Italian Friends"
lather, rinse, repeat.
Quite honestly Mamarazzi doesn't give a shit. We've spent most of our adult lives gaining and losing the exact same 20 or so pounds and if we knew that we could have made a living at it, we'd have called Jenny sooner.
In a recent interview, Julia Roberts claimed that her husband doesn't care that she gained ten pounds while filming Eat, Pray, Love. Which makes perfect sense to us. In our experience, 10 pounds one way or the other doesn't register with a man--unless it's all in one place. For example, our breasts.
But then Julia lost us by claiming that "I believe that guys don't care about what you look like naked."
So wait a minute--that whole men-like-porn-because-they're-more-visual-than-women thing was just a stereotype?
Maybe. But it's more likely that Daniel Moder wants to hang on to his meal ticket.
Next thing you know, Demi Moore will be assuring us that Ashton told her guys don't care when their wives look older.
Wait a minute. Has blogging about celebrities made us too cynical? Or do you smell bullshit, too?
According to Toys R Us, the Sing A Ma Jig is the hot toy for Christmas 2010 so, although it is only September, we'd like to place our order now...
One question: are these for our children or our husbands?
Love,
Mamarazzi
Sesame Street has pulled Katy Perry's sanitized parody of her hit song Hot and Cold after parents complained about her bodacious ta tas.
What's the problem, people? Jiggle? Potential nip slip? Fear that your toddler will see this and remember the good old nursing times -- and want to relive them?
Frankly, Mamarazzi's horrified by Elmo, 44 seconds into the video.
Almost full frontal muppet nudity, people. Muppet nudity! We are appalled!
The studio must have been cold though, because either little monsters are built differently from us or Elmo's suffering from shrinkage.
It has been recently been brought to our attention that as a busy mother,
it is exceedingly easy to fall into a style rut and when one makes an effort to pull oneself out of said rut,
one might want to confer with one's stylish and lovely daughter before embarking on a makeover all by oneself.
Because that's the only way Paris Hilton's little wrist-slap of a sentence makes sense.
To those of you who have trouble keeping your drug-busted celebrities straight (shout out to B.o.B. and LiLo!) we'll provide a synopsis of Paris's predicament: she was arrested after a Las Vegas cop stopped her and her boyfriend in the Wynn Hotel. Paris opened her new Chanel purse and out fell a plastic container of cocaine. Oops!
OK, so here's her sentence:
and, if she gets arrested within a year, she'll have to serve a mandatory one year in jail.
That last part is being overlooked by all the naysayers, Paris bashers, and haterz. But let's try to look at this objectively. This is Paris Hilton. She gets arrested on a regular basis. It's almost impossible to imagine her making it through a year without getting pulled over for drunk driving at least once.
Why? Because she's stupid. Need proof?
Paris and her rabbit ranch.
She was recently in a pet store and saw some rabbits being sold for snake food. So she bought them. And let them loose in her back yard. There were twenty of them.
But not for long. Hasn't Hilton heard about rabbits?
Trust us. She'll be in the slammer before spring break.
Jamie, Jools, Blossom, Boo, Rosie, and Bear. Not pictured: Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleepy.
Hey celebs! We're begging you: enough with the idiotic names! Enough is enough.
Baby name idiocy has a surprisingly long history. Way back in 1969, hospital nurses refused to write Dweezil on Frank Zappa's son's birth certificate. So Frank named his son Ian Donald Calvin Euclid. When Dweezil discovered that "Dweezil" was just a nickname, he had his name legally changed.
Which is as it should be. If a man wants to be called Dweezil, that is his right. But we don't think Dweezil should be forced upon anyone.
Which brings us to Jamie Oliver, who has named his infant son Buddy Bear Maurice.
This follows on the heels of his three daughters: Petal Blossom Rainbow, Daisy Boo Pamela and Poppy Honey Rosie.
The man is an excellent cook, but when it comes to his children's names, his taste is all in his mouth.
We're begging you. MAKE IT STOP!!!
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All photos courtesy of DListed
Come on, admit it. You've had the fantasy. You know, the one you've had for years, and you don't dare tell anybody because it exposes your deepest, darkest dream.
Shhhhh... it's the one where you're a grownup and you're on stage as the guest of honor -- in front of your old high school class -- and you get to publicly TELL OFF that special someone who did you wrong during that most vulnerable, most wanting, most desperate time of your life.
Being a huge pop star, Katy Perry got to do just that. Go, Katy, go!
Katy took the stage at her old high school on Tuesday, saw her former classmate Shane Lopes in the audience, and addressed him down with, "You never wanted to date me ... you really chose well, honey. Whats up now, playa?"
Step up, Shane! Don't make Katy settle for that weirdo Russell Brand.
Here's the beauty part. Mamarazzi invites you to bare your soul to our millions of readers. Shout at the top of the world (or the top of our comments section) what you'd say to that %$#&@ who made your teenage life extra, extra angst-y.
Helpful tips:
-- Click on the word "Comments" at the top of this post.
-- Give the comments page the weirdly long time it needs to digest your snark.
-- Be MEAN. Channel Katy Perry. Don't hold back one drop of spittle.
-- If your comment disappears, don't fret. We're fixing that!
Photo: www.graphicshunt.com
Remember Danica McKellar, who played darling little Winnie on The Wonder Years?
Well,the years have flown, and she's married and just had her first baby!
A baby boy that she named Draco Verta.
After a constellation.
Because, EVERYBODY automatically associates "Draco" with a dragon constellation!
We don't see ANY future playground problems!
None at all!!
But we do have a great idea for a nursery .......
Ben Affleck and Jon Hamm are out promoting their new flim, The Town, but Mamarazzi finds this photo rather, shall we say, bromantical,?
They are both ridiculously handsome men... Mamarazzi will happily flip open a steno pad and flip up our skirts for Mr. Don Draper anytime and it's nice to see Ben back on the big screen instead of kissing J. Lo's big ass...
So go ahead readers and give us your best.
In case you missed the show, Lady Gaga swept the awards, picking up Best Collaboration (for "Telephone"), Best Dance Video, Best Female Video, Best Pop Video, and Video of the Year.
Which is great for Gaga.
And the good news for us? It's official. We can stop dyeing our hair.
And she attributes it to breastfeeding. So much so that she thinks it should be a law. All new mothers should have to breastfeed for six months.
And we're actually OK with that. Let's put it another way--the thoughts of a supermodel--however controversial--don't inspire us with a desire to picket Fashion's Night Out or boycott Vogue magazine.
That is, as long as Gisele promises to be the only person to wear beige suede high-topped sandal boots. Because, seriously, you have to have slim, tanned legs about as long as Tom Cruise is tall to look even halfway decent in them.
In case you're like us and would rather get your teeth drilled without Novocaine haven't managed to catch this season's America's Got Talent, we'd like to present a contestant with a truly inspirational mom.
Check out Prince Poppycock's mom, Kathleen Quale, at the video's 44 second mark. Seriously, can you imagine a more perfect mom? We want to give her a big smooch and a smooshy hug.
See, Kathleen managed to raise a son who couldn't possibly have ever fit in anywhere - without killing his spirit. Pish posh, he appears to have quite the overabundance of spirit.
But she mostly deserves our kudos because, unlike us, she doesn't appear to die a little every time she hears the name Prince Poppycock.
"Suri is very helpful. I go to her and I say, 'What shoes?' She picks them out. One time, actually many times, I'll be getting ready for an event or something and I'll say, 'Suri what do you think?' And she'll say (Katie points) 'Definitely those. Those,'" Katie explained. "And she won't let me leave unless I'm wearing what she wants me to wear. She's got great taste. And I want to make her happy." -from OK! Magazine
Three things:
1. Suri sounds like a spoiled brat.
2. Just when you think this outfit couldn't get more unflattering and fugly
3. Your eyes drift to the nude shoes
Right on the heels of International 90210 day, we've heard that Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter are thinking of doing a third Bill and Ted movie.
Is this a good idea? We think so. Remember the wisdom of Ox giving his history report, when he said
Everything is different, but the same.... Things are more moderner than before.... Bigger, and yet smaller.... It's computers ... San Dimas High School football rules!
We've marshaled our thoughts (with the assistance of those new-fangled computers we're using) and the Mamarazzi agree: a new Bill and Ted movie is a great idea. For one thing, some of us have teenage sons, and Bill and Ted teach the valuable lesson that even if you're flunking out of high school, some last minute cramming and a little time travel can save the day.
And then there's this whole Twilight/Justin Bieber/Jonas Brothers teen idol situation, which has been making us feel uncomfortably cougarish. Whereas we only feel a little bit dirty reliving our crushes on Bill S. Preston, Esq., and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
So Bill?
Ted?
It's time for a most triumphant sequel!
Yesterday, Star magazine claimed that Ashton Kutcher's been messing around in public with at least one woman who is not his famous, hot-ish, and slightly long of tooth wife.
The photo above is Ashton's reaction to the paparazzi.
What does this mean? You tell us!
Photo: Bauer-Griffin Online
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