Dear Lindsay:
We've just heard that a hair extension manufacturer is suing Paris Hilton for $35 million.
Why? Because Paris didn't fulfill her contractual obligations. She was supposed to 1) wear this manufacturer's extensions and 2) show up at a party promoting them. And she didn't.
Because SHE WAS IN JAIL.
Now, we're not lawyers, but we have a sneaking suspicion that no judge would even let this suit go to trial. Here was Paris, actually being a law-abiding citizen, paying her debt to society, and this silly hair extension party giving company thinks it can cash in on her PAIN and TORMENT. (And how long was she in jail, anyway--nine hours? Girl, that is a HAIKU compared to your sentence.)
So Lindsay, what with the jail time and now rehab--however abbreviated--you have the perfect excuse for not doing whatever you were supposed to do. Which, given your track record, should come in handy. No more "Your honor, I was in Africa working with orphans." You can come right out and say "Your honor, I was IN THE SLAMMER."
Our advice is this: don't waste it.
xxx,
Mamarazzi
p.s. And you might want to think about this: bitch got paid $3.5 million to promote those extensions. Not too shabby, right?
Photo courtesy of PeaceFMOnline.com
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