Some families text. Some email. Some even talk face to face. The Lohans communicate via song. Awesome, awesome song.
Seems that Lindsay's about to release a single in which she discusses her family problems; every 14 year old's dream! Except that Lindsay's nearly twice that age and maybe it's time to give it a rest already, hmmm?
BUT! Lindsay's ever-entertaining dad, Michael, has written and produced his own song, sung by a friend (he has friends?) that makes Richard Marx songs sound like punk rock.
Being parents ourselves, we believe that Michael's heart is in the right place. But his head? Where do we begin?
Behold the poignant poetry.
I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem!
"THEM"?!! Giant ants?!!
Oh. He's talking about US. Mean old Mamarazzi.
Hey, if we can be part of the inspiration for fine art, we've done our job. We are proud.
Pappa Lohan is kinda creepy. That pic says it all.