May 2010 Archives

Not everyone was a Lost fanatic--just most people. And not every women thought Naveen Andrews looked hot playing Sayid ... but People Magazine selected him as one of their World's Most Beautiful People in 2006.

The good news is that 41-year-old Naveen and Barbara Hershey have just officially announced that their long-term relationship is over.

More good news? You have the day off from work to scheme on how to snag him. He's perfect if you're:

a) Old. Barbara Hershey is 62. Yes, sixty-effing-two years old. Obviously, age is no barrier to true love with Naveen.

b) An authority figure. Naveen's first love affair was with his high school math teacher.

b) Of child-bearing years. When he's not with a post-menopausal woman, Naveen likes to make babies--so far he's produced two.

Since most of us are at least two out of three of the above, Mamarazzi has just declared open season on Naveen.

Ladies, start your engines!

OK, media? Enough. We get it. Sarah Jessica Parker is a style icon. It may have taken a decade, but you've managed to hammer this so-called "fact" into our heads.

But Sarah-as-Carrie-Bradshaw? Not so fashion-icon-y. Sometimes she looked great. Other times she slid down the slippery slope of eccentric and looked like a wino who'd been dumpster diving behind a Barney's.

For example, the blue bird stuck to the side of her head in the first SATC movie was grotesque. First of all, it was fugly.

Also, when we were thinking about including something blue in our wedding ensembles, a stuffed bird didn't leap to mind. Who wants a dead animal that close to her face? In a word: ew.

But Sarah Jessica has apparently decided that crazy hats should be her signature accessory. Here she is at the 2008 London premiere of SATC:

And here she is at the London premiere of SATC 2, looking like Maleficent from a live-action remake of Sleeping Beauty, except with more skin showing.

This is seriously scary stuff. If the second SATC movie is as successful as the first, we could have another ten years of an increasingly crinkly Sarah Jessica Parker hobbling down the red carpet with outtakes from a Tim Burton movie stapled to her head.

If she won't think of her own children, could she please think about ours? Because this is the stuff of nightmares.

1. We've got "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" stuck in our heads - and we like it.

2. American Idol second runner-up Casey James always makes us smile.

3. We have a deep respect and fondness for Bret Michaels.

Miracles happen.

We're torn.
Which version of "Single Ladies" do you find more unsettling?

Liza Minnelli from SaTC2

or the little girls (ages SEVEN thru NINE, PEOPLE!) in a dance contest?

Vezi mai multe video din Sport

Has Sex and the City 2 pulled a Ghostbusters and suddenly added a new character that has no purpose?

Surely, the photoshop® above can't possibly be one of these women.

Particularly this one, who we think looks FINE, thank you very much, just the way she is.

After seven seasons, Lost is no more. Lost guys? Thanks for all the beefcake.

:Sniff: We feel like we hardly knew ye--(in the Biblical sense, at least.)

If you're like us, you're probably having a heck of a time telling some of these so-called "stars" apart.

For example, at first we thought this was J-Lo. Or maybe Emma Caulfield. Then we realized that it's Molly Sims. But hey, everyone's blonde these days. Who can tell them apart?

But then even the brunettes started to confuse us.

See, there used to be one famous brunette. Her name was Kim Kardashian. She was curvy, wore way too much makeup, and dressed like a skank.

Then she got a reality TV show and we discovered that she has sisters. All pretty much identical: deeply tanned, loaded with makeup, flaunting miles of cleavage.

But then Jersey Shore made its debut.

Frankly, we're glad we don't live in Miami, because right now the sidewalks must be teeming with Kardashian klones sisters and Jersey Shore Guidettes. How can anyone be expected to tell them apart?

We don't mean to brag, but it's easier than you think.

1. Does the skank you've spotted look like something out of a fast-food clamshell? This is key. Snooki reminds us of a Chicken McNugget, whereas the Kardashian sisters look like a bucket of KFC.

2. Once you've established their essential golden brown greasy crispiness, check for hoops. If they're being used to hold a bathing suit together, it's a Kardashian.

If they're so big, you could use them in the powder room to hold guest towels, you're looking at a Guidette.

As you may know, Lindsay Lohan was supposed to return from Cannes yesterday to attend her mandatory court hearing in L.A. Oh, how desperately she tried to escape the deplorable 24-hour party scene at the Cannes Film Festival! Alas, someone must have stolen her passport; that happens to Linds all the time, no matter how closely she guards her purse.

Mamarazzi knows that Lindsay is utterly distraught and has been searching tirelessly for that pesky passport. Behold the evidence:

"I can't believe it - Somebody must have stolen my passport! How ever will I get home to fulfill my public duty?"

It might be that the warm sun has thawed our cold, black hearts, or the fact that we are mamas ourselves and can't imagine the pain of losing a child, but Mamarazzi has nothing but happiness to send to John Travolta and Kelly Preston who just announced they are expecting a baby.

Photo: Aspen, CO Police Dept./AP. Not your typical Aspen vacation souvenir.

SO. Charlie Sheen has signed for another season of Two and a Half Men - and he's so valuable, he'll earn nearly $2 million per episode. This makes him the highest paid actor in television history.

Not that we don't wonder this on a daily basis, but HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD? Does Charlie Sheen deserve this sort of canonization?

Charlie's personal history shakes even our overdeveloped ennui. Here are but a few highlights of his personal life:

1990: Sheen accidentally shot his then-fiancee, Kelly Preston in the arm.

1995: Sheen was named as a particularly good client of brothels owned by Heidi Fleiss. Like, he practically lived there.

1998: Sheen tried injecting cocaine, accidentally giving himself an overdose. Hello, rehab.

2005: While pregnant with their daughter Lola, wife #2 Denise Richards filed for divorce from Sheen, accusing him of abusing drugs and alcohol and threatening her with violence.

2009: Sheen was arrested on charges of domestic violence, including second-degree assault and menacing, against wife #3 Brooke Mueller on Christmas Day. Hello rehab again. ( We have no idea how many times he's been in some sort of rehab but we're betting every rehab center in the country has a suite permanently reserved for Charlie.)

In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, we'd love to tell you the good things that Charlie's done. And we will, if we ever find one.

Short, white-haired strange guy at the premiere of Tall, Dark Stranger, Cannes, May 2010. Photo courtesy of Zimbio

Right on the heels of a second allegation that Roman Polanski forced an underage woman to have sex with him, Woody Allen steps forward to defend him.

According to the Huffington Post:

Allen said Polanski "was embarrassed by the whole thing," "has suffered" and "has paid his dues." He said Polanski is "an artist and is a nice person" who "did something wrong and he paid for it."

O RLY.

At Mamarazzi, we have the memory of an elephant and the maturity level of an eight-year-old. When we think about a film director with a taste for much younger, easily victimized, dependent women defending another film director with ditto, our first reaction is something along the lines of "takes one to know one!"

The only thing creepier and less self-aware would be if Amy Winehouse remade the Britney YouTube video and called it "Leave Lindsay Alone!"

"My mom was on set," Miley Cyrus said of her edgy new video. "And my dad loves it, because I think my dad was thinking I was a little crazy as I was writing it. When you see it, they were so proud of the treatment I came up with."

All Mamarazzi is thinking is how extremely awkward viewing a seventeen-year-old's version of "sexy" is.

Photo: Pacific Coast News

"Mariah Carey Swaps Stilettos for Sweatpants (and Aprons) at Home"
-- People.com

"Mariah Carey Forgot to Lose the Stilettos and Should Have Remembered the Apron" -- Mamarazzi.org

And, um, Mimi sweetheart, take a tip from Hubby Nick: If you must wear trailer park fashion, buy it two sizes too big, not three sizes too small.

It's official - Tiger and Elin Woods are divorcing.

Apparently they plan to share custody of the children and Elin is taking back her maiden name...

Is there anything left to say that hasn't already been said?

We think not.

Well, other than, about damn time.

Photo courtesy of DListed

So apparently, over at GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow's unintentionally hilarious blog, she's explaining that an emergency five-day crash diet of kale purée and blueberries got her camera-ready for Iron Man II.

First of all: poor Gwynnie. A five-day diet? We weep for you.

Second, the results of this five-day diet can be seen in Iron Man II, where Gwyneth spends most of her screen time sitting, either at a desk or in a limo, quarreling with Robert Downey, Jr. Occasionally she gets up and teeters around in a pair of insanely high heels. OK, her dresses are kind of short, so maybe the blueberries and kale were worth it.

But really, Gwyneth--everyone was really looking at Scarlett Johannson. Including the people at Entertainment Weekly, who managed to keep you off the cover.

So you might as well break down and have something to eat.

P.S. Gwynnie? "Formal shorts" is an oxymoron. We never want to see you wearing them again.

Photo courtesy of EmptyStreets27

I guess we were supposed to be all surprised when the news broke that Lindsay Lohan has been tapped to play Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace in an upcoming film about the porn star's life.

But frankly, we felt pretty "meh" about it. LiLo to play a porn star? Why are we not surprised?

First of all, how much acting talent is this actually going to require? How much of a stretch (excuse the expression) could this be? It's almost too self-referential--a skanky actress playing a skanky actress.

If she really wants to make us remember the talented girl who starred in Mean Girls and recorded "Daughter to Father," LiLo should reach a bit further in her movie roles. She should channel everything she knows about late night partying, and play Billy Holiday in a remake of Lady Sings the Blues.

OK, maybe she actually is a bit too white to play Billie Holiday. Which leaves us wondering--if LiLo wants to make a biopic as a comeback vehicle, which female performer would be the best fit?

It all makes sense now. Courtney Love wants to make herself ugly, not because she's cracked out but because she's advertising the advantages of being #2. Take that any way you like.

She wants the world to know that she's relevant, hot, I'm broke again, somebody please buy my latest collection of blithering ravings new album and madly talented.

She claims that she's better because she dresses like a thrift store hooker is homely.

"I'm better because I was never pretty. Pretty girls just lie there. Us girls who grew up a little more homely have to try a lot harder. That's why pretty girls never threaten me - it's like, yeah, you want to take me on? Take me on. Go for it."

We see the logic, but really Court, you're allowed to make yourself look like a person who didn't just crawl out of the sewer.

David, cheating on your wife, the mother of your children, is a very very bad thing to do...you should be spanked you naughty boy

Mamarazzi wants to lick you is glad to hear you admit to the damage you've created and that you are working at salvaging your marriage...

Because the family is sacred and the next time you feel like stepping out on them for God's sake, give us a call remember that they are worth the effort.

Remember this look?

That's Lourdes in 2008. And here she is last month.

We apologize for not bringing these pictures to your attention before now. It took our corneas a few days to recover from the sight of Madonna's chipmunk cheeks.

Isn't she gorgeous? We're not even going to snark her 14-going-on-20 look, because some of us have teenage daughters of our own.

But don't think we've gone soft, because we've got a piece of advice for Lourdes: don't accept any shiny red apples from harmless old peddler women.