Now that her former bodyguard has spilled the beans about Angelina's crazy behavior, it's time for her to rehabilitate her image.
So on a recent trip to Venice, Angelina Jolie dropped $5,000 on an Akris ponyhair bag. But before she handed over her credit card, she had her stylist call the company to assure her that the ponies were treated well. She was assured that they were.
We're sure the news gave Angelina the warm squishies, but honestly, if she's trying to rehabilitate her image (and she should be, considering the allegations in the InTouch interview) buying a white bag made of the ponytails of virginal unicorns is just a first step.
Next, she'll have to fill the bag with fortune cookies full of messages like "I'm sorry I stole Brad" and have it shipped to Jennifer.
Most important of all, she'll have to get Billygoat Brad to shave off his chin dreads. Sorry, Angie, but we're married women, and we know who has final say about a man's appearance.
Here are some of Brad's facial hair shenanigans when he was married to Jennifer
and here's what he's wearing, now that he's with Angelina.
Angie, wake up. This thing is a cry for help. Forget the ponies and the orphans for a minute and save Brad. If you're really serious about making the world a better place, go all Delilah on Brad's chin. If this thing gets any longer, Brad will be able to donate his chin dreads to Locks of Love and have them weave you a designer bag out of it.
You've hilariously proven your point. The facial hair documentation of the Jen era and the Angie era says it all.
Goodness, Brad's entire face is a cry for help. Dude's aged 15 years in only five years since he and Angie hooked up. Please Angie, free Brad before we mistake him for ZZ Top!
Sarah, you nailed it. All he needs is a guitar.