Oh, it was fun at first. You were so sexy and romantic.
Then you started squicking us out.
Now that we've read your new Playboy interview, we feel all stabby. (Link site NSFW)
See, you keep messing with our minds. One minute you proclaim yourself The Nicest Guy in Town: "I consider myself a good guy, with the best of intentions.... I've never been a bad boy."
The next minute you're dropping F-bombs like the blitzkrieg, tossing the N-word about, telling us about your masturbation habit and saying, um, cocky stuff like "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."
And then you named names while sharing your intimate secrets. Since the interview interview dropped yesterday, Jessica Simpson must have repeatedly vacillated between swinging from a chandelier beating her chest in pride to crawling under furniture to hide. We feel so bad for Jessica that we think we'll zip over to Macy's right now and pick up a few pairs of her foot-mangling shoes.
Oh, and Johnny? Seriously? You got so wasted that you made out with Perez Hilton?
Sure, John, we know you're sorry. We know your good intentions have been misunderstood.
It's just that it's hard to listen to your lovely songs and not think of the nutcase behind them. It's made us feel squirmy. This is a real problem when we're driving and start twitching uncontrollably when one of your songs come on the radio.
Help us out John. In the future,
Same to you, Perez. Yeesh.
P.S. Make your own candy hearts here.
i think i'd be ok being called sexual napalm... sounds like jessica has some mad skillz... which, like, good for her as she doesn't have a whole lot of other talents...
but i keep waiting to hear from kerry washington to see what she has to say about the interview... really, john mayer? just going to throw out that "dick sucking" comment about her?
His "Rolling Stone" interview is nasty too. I was never too keen on the guy's music, but goodness gracious! What a skeevy little weirdo he has turned out to be. I sure do hope he stops doing interviews for a while, so I can stop feeling nauseated.
I think it's our fault he's become this way. I mean we've not nothing but encourage him... REALLY, we all should've known he was a douche after that music video.
as God is my witness, i have never encouraged john mayer to do anything...