And Then There Were 7 6 5

This week on The Bachelor: Jake is officially done messing around and sends 4 women home with nary a flick of his rose handing wrist.

We open up at the Bachlorette's Pad and one look at the 2 deluxe tour buses in the driveway let's us know that it's Rock of Love Bus time and Jake has been replaced by Brett Michaels! Well, not really but that would be awesome.

Yes, they are taking this circus on the road.

Heading up the California coast they set up "camp" at a winery... the buses are just far enough from Jake's tent where the gals can sort of see him... Jake, you tease! This move to camping is important to our Pilot because he's from Texas and "the outdoors" is a huge part of his life.

Man, they all say some stupid things on these shows... like on House Hunters and prospective buyers say, "Well, I like a lot of windows and natural light." Because that is so unusual? Most people want to live in a cave?

First date of the week is a one on one and it goes to Gia. Gia's lips look a little less inflated this week so maybe she's toned down the gloss? Or the Juvaderm is fading? In any case, Jake is curious to see how this "Big City Girl" does with a "Country Boy Date".

Gia could care less about the country and worries mostly about looking cute... which translates into a pair of 4" Louboutin heels and as she hops on the back of Jake's bike Vienna cattily interviews that Gia's cityslicker ways won't play...

She's wrong. Gia frolics about barefoot and looks quite lovely and confesses to her "Nerd" status in high school while Jake admits to being called, "Mr. Dateless" in the 9th grade which seems to Mamarazzi to be the definition of most 9th grade boys but whatever, and other than her suddenly strong accent she's rather darling. Jake worries about her being able to "handle" a hot dog dinner and Mamarazzi is thinking that Jake hasn't been to NYC.

No surprise, she get's a rose.

Day 2 is the group date of Corrie, Ashleigh, Ali, Vienna, Jessie (Who?) and Tenley (who needs to lose the baby voice... immediately.) which means that Kathryn (Who?) and Ella have the dreaded 2 on 1 date this week where one of them is sure to go home.

The Group date is, no shit, Dune Buggying at Pismo Beach and Ali, who needs to SETTLE down on her hate of Vienna, calls shotgun for Jake's buggy and death stares abound and then they drive around in the sand and it looks decidedly unfun... followed by sand boarding which does look fun and Jake and Tenley sort of collide and tumble and "she's in his arms" and OMG that baby voice is killing Mamarazzi.

Wine, fruit, blah blah blah... Corrie goes for a tumble... and off to the Madonna Inn where Jake has some incredibly awkward one on one time with Ashleigh... she's draped all over him, running her fingers through his hair, playing with his zipper and he is so not feeling it. He tells us, "She's smoking but...no chemistry." Zip. Ali tries to trick Jake into confirming she is getting a rose this week but homey don't play that and blows her off with a, "I'm just caught up in this moment"... ouch.

Back at the campsite, Kathryn and Ella are bumming big time about their upcoming date. Kathryn quite rightly states that she doesn't understand why Jake would put her in this position and by position Mamarazzi assumes she means that he has yet to spend more than 3 minutes with her.

Jake meanwhile makes out with Tenley, who tells him she hasn't dated since her divorce and then he tells Vienna, who orchestrated being the "last person Jake kisses tonight", that she needs to check her behavior while with the other girls and that she is bringing some of the hate on herself... which is interesting as Mamarazzi still has yet to see the Evil that is Vienna. She comes across like every other reality dingbat.

Group date rose goes to Tenely.

2 on 1 date from Hell. The rose is the elephant in the room and the three of them, Jake, Ella and Kathryn sit around a tiny table and try to act normally even though no one has even bothered to take off their coat... maybe it's just cold in there? Ella hogs the conversation and steps on every sentence Kathryn tries to utter... Jake takes Ella outside for some private chit chat which ends with the dropping of many hints that maybe a Pilot Stepdaddy isn't in Ella's future.

Kathryn's time starts with her asking Jake why he basically pays her no mind and he responds by telling her that she is so beautiful that he is cautious with her... he's "lost in her eyes" (Mamarazzi calls bullshit) and that he feels a natural attraction between them (more b.s.)... he promises that the small amount of time they have spend together won't affect his rose decision (lies!). She feels that he is really starting to like her.

Poor Ella.

Jake takes her outside and gets all whispery and away she goes... Kathryn is left in the cabin to assume that the rose is indeed for her!

Poor Kathryn.

Although Jake wants to be the guy to sweep her off her feet, his heart is telling him he is not that guy... it's rather awful. She's less forgiving than Ella and tells Jake she thinks he is making a mistake... he whispers, "Thank you for coming."

Much shock back at base camp when a lowly PA hauls off both sets of luggage. Of course there are some tears. Cry women, cry!

Finally Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony time! And Ali, mean but pretty little Ali, gets the first rose, then Corrie and then it gets weird as Jake puts down the 3rd rose and walks out of the room.

Cameras scurry and some producer type gets Chris Harrison for him and after much sputtering and hemming and hawing, Jake finds a way to ask if he does in fact have to hand out 2 more roses?

this would have been more shocking if ABC hadn't been teasing us with it since last week...

Chris is all, Whoa, Nelly! But then gives Jake a bro pat and tells Jake that "he'll take care of it." Chris also has the pleasant job of letting the ladies know that 2 of them are not wife material for Jake.

Goodbye Jessie. Goodbye Ashleigh.

Vienna gets the final rose.

And Ali hisses in anger.

Next Week: San Francisco and Ali hating on Vienna!