Famous-for-being-famous Kourtney has moved on to a new career phase. First, she was the older sister of a friend of Paris Hilton's. Then she was on a reality show. Naturally, at some point she made a sex tape. And now, she's pregnant.
We read a scanned copy of the September 7th Us magazine to see what Kourtney Kardashian says about being pregnant ... all so that you wouldn't have to. You're welcome.
Kourtney on how she got pregnant:
"I forgot to take the pill for a few days in a row."
Kourtney on how her life will change, now that she's going to be a mother:
"Right before all this took place, Khloé and I went to Miami to be single, crazy girls having fun, focusing on ourselves. I made out with a girl, and I had a great time."
Earth to Kourtney: Try not to confuse reality with a reality show.
Kourtney on what it felt like to find out she was pregnant.
"I felt like I had a piano sitting on my chest!"
You do. They're called implants.
Photo courtesy of Dlisted.com
On whether she and Scott will get married:
"... there's so much to do with the baby. Planning a wedding right now would be too much."
Which is just one reason why so many of us non-celebutantes get married before we start playing baby roulette with our birth control.
We'll spare you any more snippets of Kourtney's so-called "wisdom." Suffice to say that pregnant doesn't makes her any more interesting or intelligent.
On the other hand, at least she's not Kendra Wilkinson--who kept blathering about being horny, having sex in the car, and wanting to bring her baby to the Playboy Mansion to meet Hef.
You know, being a celebrity snarker is a lot like being a mother. There's an unbelievable amount of sacrifice.
Now please excuse us ... we need to go bleach our brains.
Clearly, what Kourtney should do is start a new trend in celebrity sex tape branding and call hers a "conception tape". How not scandalous would it be if a celeb sex tape actually recorded the creation of the baby that is going to have a name that ordinarily wouldn't start with a K but is going to, like K-Jennifer, K-Marie, or K-Apple (in a desperate move to suck up to Gwyneth Paltrow)? Mark. My. Words.
Thank you for taking one for the team so that the rest of us don't have to.
I feel so sorry for those babies. They don't stand a chance.
I want to know what their "fears of breastfeeding with implants" are.
Who are the Kardashians anyway? I know they have a reality show but why??
These girls needed to leave town to "focus on (them)selves"? I don't think so. I can guarantee you they focus on themselves 24/7, regardless of location.
Just one more example of why sometimes we need a crackdown on so called "reproductive rights."
OK, here's the deal with the Kardashians: Their dad was one of OJ's attorneys. And their stepfather is Bruce Jenner.
Second daughter Kim started getting a lot of paparazzi pics taken when she was hanging around with Paris Hilton.
I think that's about it.
When your Wikipedia article describes you as a "celebutante," you're pretty much guaranteed to be 100 percent achievement-free.
Why oh why did I click the link????
I feel like I lost brain cells reading that article.
I don't even have the words to describe the level of stupidity and idiocy those Twinkies showed in their interviews. (I think my vocabulary was larger before I read the story)
Ugh. Please pass me the brain bleach.
"Planning a wedding right now would be too much."
And that's why you go to the justice of the peace.