Dear Fishsticks,
What's with this GOOP thing you're doing? Are you becoming the Martha Stewart of has-been movie stars?
We think you should skip the cooking videos and the three-weeks-of-fasting entries and just become a mommyblogger.
Think about it. Mommyblogging seems to be the natural next step in your career. How long has it been since you won an Oscar?
Exactly.
You'd be a natural doing reviews. You're already sharing your inside knowledge--who knew that the Ritz in Paris was actually a good hotel? Until you mentioned it, we don't think anyone had ever heard of it.
And you'd be great at BlogHer. What's all that detoxing and fitness good for if you can't whack Madonna's latest adopted baby on the head to get at the swag bags?
But you're going to have to work on your mommy blogging skills. No more sweetness and light about giving away wonderful free information. No more raving about your "amazing, super, fortunate life." You need to get a lot more cranky and self-pitying.
Start by whining about how confusing it is to be half-Jewish and half-English. Blog something nasty about Scarlett Johansson for upstaging you in Iron Man 2. Bitch about having to go live in Beverly Hills when you'd rather be in New York. If you can manage it, have your husband's career tank.
At that point, all you need is some Ad-Sense ads, and you'll have it made!
Before you know it, you'll be the keynote speaker at BlogHer10.
Well as long as she doesn't wear that dress and those hideous shoes in that first picture. Seriously... does the girl not own one single full length mirror?