June 2009 Archives

So, new reports have surfaced which indicate that neither Debbie Rowe nor Michael Jackson are the biological parents of Jackson's 2 oldest children... that's fine. Many families turn to donor embryos when facing infertility and it's a perfectly acceptable and loving way of creating a family. However, legal laws being all legal like do require an adoption of the child by the (receiving) parents... it is to protect everyone's rights, most especially the child's.

However, apparently MJ never completed that pesky little part of the equation... maybe it was too hard for him to scrounge up a Family Law attorney? Which of course, leaves the future of Paris and Michael Jr. a bit iffy. As of this moment, the law simply regards them as a couple of kids who lived with Jackson... they aren't legally entitled to his estate.

Probably this is the type of thing which can be easily settled as it's fairly well documented that these little darlings were his children and he thought of them and treated them as such etc etc... but damn, come on!

Mamarazzi is frustrated.

photo - TMZ.com

The Mamas would like to remind everyone that whether you loved or loathed Michael Jackson, there is a silver lining to his death.

Photo courtesy of Yahoo Images.

We'll probably go at least a week without hearing about these people:

Photo courtesy of People.com.

We get so intertwined with our idols that when they die, their deaths hit us hard.

Whether it's Buddy Holly, Elvis Presley, John Lennon, or Kurt Cobain, when a star of that magnitude dies, fans go into shock. And they mourn. Maybe not for the star so much as for a little bit of their youth.

So just this once, let's ignore the craziness. Michael Jackson is leaving behind millions of fans who will never see his like again.

Not to mention three children.

Whatever we might think of his private life--and we've thought about it quite a bit--let's not rake it all up again. If not out of respect for Michael Jackson himself, then for the millions of fans who loved him.

After all, no one needs Perez Hilton spreading rumors that his heart attack was faked, or slamming him on twitter in an on-line spat with Pete Wentz and Ashley Simpson.

So we're going to do what the man suggested himself, and leave him alone.

R.I.P.

Perpetual California golden girl Farrah Fawcett has died after a long battle with cancer. She was 62.

With her perfect golden hair and her glorious smile, Farrah was the angel most of us wanted to be.

The Mamas offer their condolences to Farrah's family and friends.

Check out the bling! This was Buzz Aldrin, second human on the moon, 40 years ago.

Here's 79 year old Buzz, with Snoop and other hip hop playas commemorating the 40th anniversary of the first Moon landing. Enjoy and bust a move.

Just in case you can't see the embed, click here.

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10 months ago they renewed their vows in a televised Hawaiian spectacular but last night they announced, to their eleventy billion viewers, that they are officially separating and Jon is moving to New York.

He is, "excited" and "wants his old life back"... which sort of makes him sound like a douche.

Kate, not Mamarazzi's favorite person, seemed genuinely depressed and barely holding it together...

It was not unlike watching a train wreck.

Mamarazzi thinks maybe they should have quit the show before they quit the marriage.

You?

Yesterday was Father's Day in the U.S. and Canada. The Mamas would like to thank dads everywhere (starting with their own personal husbands) for...

... keeping their babies safe when they're little:

Ben Affleck and daughter

... giving their kids a lift when needed:

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Jason Bateman and daughter

... entertaining them at the beach:

Hugh Jackman and son

... taking them out for nice occasions:

Sting and daughter

... making sure that special dolls and teddy bears are never lost:

Matt Damon and daughter

... participating in "Dress (and Look) Like Your Father Day":

Kenny G and his not-so-mini me

... and not losing any of them while they're out:

Brad Pitt and family

The Mamas salute you for all that you do!

(Plus, they thought everyone might need a little eye candy on a Monday morning...)

Photo credits: Yahoo, People, Yahoo, Yahoo, Perez Hilton, TMZ, People.

After 25 years of marriage, Morgan Freeman and his wife are getting a divorce. Big deal, right? After all, like many male movie stars, Morgan has an eye for the ladies:

Photo courtesy of the L. A. Times

However, in Morgan's case, his eyes stay open at home. The 72-year-old Oscar-winning actor has reportedly been having an affair with his 27-year-old step-granddaughter, E'Dena Hines. That's right--his wife's granddaughter. Whom he and his wife were raising.

The couple, pictured here at the premiere of The Dark Knight, have apparently been an item for a decade.

Photo courtesy of the L. A. Times

It all started when she was 17, after a dinner party that involved a lot of drinking on her part as well as his.

So, we have a question. What with the underaged sex, underaged drinking, sneaking around, and OK-i'ts-not-incest-but-it's-sure-as-hell-incest's-kissing-cousin with an adopted child ...

Do you think this is Morgan's way of auditioning for a Woody Allan movie?

I looked for love and found Katie Lee,
Young and lovely for all to see.






Thanks to my fame, she wrote a book,
Got a TV gig on how to cook.

She made new friends, I'm such a tool
'Cause there's no fool like an old fool.

There's just no fool like an old fool.

Dear Jessica Alba,

Doing something really stupid like defacing a United Way poster with a giant picture of a Great White Shark to "raise awareness" isn't exactly setting a good example for your little girl.

However, what's even worse was your public non-apology.
Nowhere in "I regret not thinking things through before (making a) spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign" did you say, "My bad! I was an idiot and have learned and grown from my mistake."
Is yours the sort of apology you'll accept from baby Honor when she gets bigger and goes all drunken Lindsay and flashes her Britney to all and sundry?

Sincerely,

The Mamarazzi

PS. It takes more than naming your kid "Honor" to raise an honorable child.

PPS. As Oklahoma City is a land-locked region, Great Whites aren't really thought about much in that region. You might want to brush up on your geography and animal habitats a bit before Honor enters preschool.

Mamarazzi understands how just very, shall we say, relentless, children of a certain age can... be. The endless demands and moaning and whining have a very special way of causing one to consider taking a run to the corner shop for some milk and not coming back for 2 weeks.

That being said... when one is whoring profiting making your living off getting ready for an interview about what a super-dee-dooper mom you are to 8 children, it might be best if you just went ahead and passed the kid the damn water bottle.

What do you think?

It appears that Madonna's efforts to adopt again in Malawi will indeed be successful.

Photo courtesy of Yahoo Images.

A lower court had already blocked the process, citing that Madonna could not adopt four-year-old Mercy James, as the Material Girl is not a resident of Malawi.

The Malawian Supreme Court overturned the ruling, saying that Mercy, who lives in an orphanage, would have a better life.

Hmmmm... The Mamas are sure that Madonna's personal wealth of an estimated $500 million had NOTHING to do with this change of heart.

What do you think? Should Madonna have been allowed to adopt Mercy or not?

Look, we realize you're a child star and you don't get to go to a regular high school. But the internet is not your 10th grade classroom. And a tweet is not a diary entry or a note you pass to your friend during American History because it's like, totally boring.

Twitpic of Miley and her mother eating dinner in Savannah, uploaded by Miley

Anything you put on the internet will be there for ever. And you're spilling your guts about the guy you just broke up with.

life will go on. you will smile again.... we will smile again.11:53 AM Jun 8th from mobile web

Trust us; you will regret making a huge display of your 16-year-old hurt feelings.

- This is how I know everything will be okay. The LORD has brought me hope, and I am not alone. I always have my guardian angel 9:14 AM Jun 8th from TwitPic

But that won't stop all your fans from getting their very own twitter accounts so they can start spilling their guts, too.

We're miles and miles apart but I'm still holding on to your heart. about 15 hours ago from mobile web

And some of those fans are our daughters.

And we really don't want them thinking that oversharing on the internet is the new black. So please cut it out.

my tweets were just on headline news- people twitter is NOT news! i just wanna live and learn 11:08 PM Jun 9th from mobile web

Trust us, Miley. You will.

Legendary superstar record producer Phil Spector had incredibly good ideas. He not only invented the revolutionary "Wall of Sound", he produced such iconic albums as John Lennon's "Imagine" and The Beatles' "Let It Be".

But somewhere along the way, Phil developed a couple of bad habits: Pointing loaded guns at his friends and family, and wearing ridiculous wigs.

Behold but a few of his more memorable styles:

"The Zac Ephron" (Extra Blonde Edition)



"The Botticelli"



And everybody's favorite, the "I Stuck My Finger In The Electrical Socket and I Can't Get It Out".


Now Phil's going to prison for murder and it's certainly a good thing. First, the only guns he'll wave in people's faces will be the ones he carved out of soap.

Even better, he can't take a single wig: Seems wigs are forbidden because they can be used as currency. You can't make this stuff up.

Behold Phil au naturel:

Honestly Phil, take a little off the sides and back and you'll have your best look yet. We'll call it the "Let It Be". Or "Imagine (No Hair Products)".

Kendra Wilkinson, better known as Hugh Hefner's "Sporty Slut", may have discovered a cure for infertility.

Apparently, one of the keys to making a baby is to have sex with someone who isn't so old that their sperm is sawdust.

Mamarazzi thinks David Carradine was a cool dude... we love us some Kung Fu, some Kill Bill and some cheeky Yellow Pages ads... and whatever it was he needed to get his freak on (or off) is none of our concern. It's a bit sad that no matter how Grasshopper lived his life, there is a very real chance he's going to be best remembered for how he died...

...at the hands of NINJA ASSASSINS!

That's right. It wasn't wild enough to mentally compute a self gratification scenario gone wrong (Mamarazzi supposes, at 72, it's harder to keep things fresh) but now, thanks to Carradine family attorney Mark Geragos, we are supposed to accept the possibility of murder at the hands of a secret society of martial artists.

We're going to go with, "no".

It must be hard for his family to accept Carradine's kinky ways, but, as his ex-wives and girlfriends have come forward (press whores, anyone?) to share his love of hardware stores and bondage...

Well, we're just going to say, probably not ninjas.

Tori Spelling and that douchebag she married Dean McDermott celebrated daughter Stella's first birthday this weekend.

Photo courtesy of People.com.

The Mamas feel so badly for Stella, as it appears that no thought or effort was put into her first birthday party.

There were only 100 people at Stella's party, including Melissa Joan Hart, Scott Baio, Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin, and Larry Birkhead.

The only activities were pony rides, cookie decorating, ladybug sprinklers, a ladybug insect zoo, face painting, and a gardening project.

The only musical group to perform was Stella's favorites, the Jumpitz (seen in photo above).

The guests took home goodie bags worth only $2,500. Contents included gift certificates to Billion Dollar Babes and Mabel's Labels, Philips Avent insulated cups, Ming Ming dolls, and T-shirts from Market.

*sigh*

The Mamas feel so sorry for Stella. Clearly, she leads a life of severe deprivation. Just like her mother did.

Lately we've been obsessed with cat fights. And we smell one brewing between Nadya Suleman and Kate Gosselin.

Kate Gosselin gets smacked by Nadya Suleman (artist's rendition)

Why? Well, Nadya recently signed a contract for a reality show, and naturally, Kate feels threatened. What if the American public loses interest in her? After all, Nadya's in vitro procedures resulted in more babies. What are a measly set of twins when compared to sextuplets? Or sextuplets compared to octuplets?

On top of that, Nadya's plastic surgeries are way more dramatic. Kate has to go to the beach to show the world the results of her tummy tuck

Here Kate sets off her tummy tuck with a Mystic Tan and a pear-shaped nanny

whereas Nadya gets mistaken for Angelina Jolie every time she leaves the house.

Brad must be off having another secret meeting with Jennifer Anniston

Kate will stay competitive by having amazingly cute kids and a thoroughly emasculated husband

Now, that's what we call compelling television!

What's Nadya, a single mother, going to do to compete? Apparently, say things that make us cringe:

"I screwed myself. I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids' lives," she says. "I have to put on this strong facade and I have to pretend like I don't regret it."

Hmmmm ... decisions, decisions. Which is better, Kate kicking Jon in the balls over and over again, or Nadya calling her kids mistakes?

They're obviously in this for the money. Is there any way we can pay to keep them off television? Or failing that, duct tape their mouths shut?

You know Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G. and master of the confuse, chortle and cringe, Borat. He's got a movie coming out next month about his newest alter ego, an outrageous gay model, Bruno. If you don't know much about Mr. Baron Cohen, bone up here. Here, too.

Check out the astonishingly perfectly choreographed stunt he and fellow dad Eminem pulled at last weekend's MTV Movie Awards show.

Funny? Gross? WAY over the edge? Or not so much?

"Noah Lindsey Cyrus & Emily Grace Reaves, with Emily's dog Bunny, pose for the cameras at Brittany Curran's Retro 50's Poolside Bash on Saturday, May 30 in Burbank sporting Juicy Couture vintage bathing suits. The two friends filmed an episode of their Noei and Ems Show at the party. So pretty!" -Link via Jezebel

Call the Mamarazzi "quaint" and "old-fashioned", but when porn stars remove pubic hair and make their genitals resemble 9 year-olds and 9 year-olds go out made up like porn stars, something seems dreadfully WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY.

Bringing new meaing to the term, "sex on a stick", June 7th marks the launch of grape ice lollies in the sort of kind of not really shape of the newest James Bond.

Apparently (?) there was a contest and the good women of Merry Olde England decided their summer would be a bit more merry if they could simply spend it sucking on Daniel Craig.

Mamarazzi understands and wants to know: Who would you like to spend your summer licking?

*Del Monte's tagline

It appears that the inevitable has occurred. Nadya "Octomom" Suleman has inked a deal to whore out her children explain her side of the story in a reality show.

Photo courtesy of the Herald Sun (Australia).

Unlike other reality shows, Octomom's won't be a weekly deal, as "she she doesn't want the constant filming because she feels that would be taking advantage of her kids."

The Mamas need to pause and wipe a tear of mirth from their jaded eyes.

Photo courtesy of the L.A. Times.

The Mamas can only imagine what the show will be like, but they assume that besides the obligatory first birthday party episode, the viewers will get to hear Octomom talk about how difficult her life is even though companies are throwing free stuff at her by the truckload.

Photo courtesy of the Daily Mail (UK).

What viewers won't see is how many times every day Octomom has to stop and count to make sure she hasn't lost any children. Or the first time all eight babies (plus their older siblings) come down with simultaneous stomach bugs. Or the first time one of the older kids runs away with the circus so that they can live a normal life.

Photo courtesy of the Denver Examiner.

Tell Mamarazzi: Will you watch Octomom's reality show or will you boycott it? What do you think of her TV deal, book deal, and all the other deals she's scored?