We all know that Lindsay Lohan's in trouble again. She's lost a ton of weight, she's acting crazier than ususal and now even Samantha's thrown her on the street. Again.
Cue Lindsay's dad, Michael Lohan. AGAIN, he's reaching out to his college age daughter, not by calling her or showing up at her place - goodness, no.
He talks to his kids through the media.
He's serious this time! He's annouced that he's cleared his calendar, making unlimited time for Lindsay.
Now, we at Mamarazzi have obtained an exclusive copy of Michael Lohan's crammed calendar. It's got the same stuff written on it every single day. Behold.
10:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit the snooze button.
11:30 AM Roll out of bed. Call publicist. Tell him to make reservations for me at The Ivy.
11:31 AM Remind publicist to call all paparazzi agencies to tell them that I will be at The Ivy, followed by an impromptu stroll down Robertson Blvd. You know, so I can impart my parenting wisdom to the world. And show off my awesome fashion sense.
11:32 AM Remind publicist that I'm available for a reality show. Because I'm just that interesting. And I'm a man of religion with infinite wisdom.
11:40 AM Stick needles into my Dina voodoo doll.
12:00 PM Read Perez Hilton to find out what my kids are up to.
12:45 PM Apply bronzer. Many, many coats of bronzer. I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. Paparazzi man!
1:00 PM Show up at The Ivy. Act nonchalant. And wise. And tan.
3:00 PM - 1:00 AM Watch TiVo'd episodes of Webster, Charles in Charge and Harry and the Hendersons. Because those are are awesome families. They're all nuts, they wear awesome outfits and they're always being filmed. Sweet, sweet dreams.
My first reaction was... EW. It is way to early to be foisting pics of Douchebag's nips on us without warning.
My Eyes!
Sheer Man Blouse burns mah iiizzz!
I have no words. None. Speechless.
You forgot:
2:30 Drop by International Male catalog headquarters to troll for modeling jobs.
I'm still blinking rapidly from that first photo.
I really wish the entire Lohan clan would just move to a deserted island that has no internet or phone access.