February 2009 Archives

Whether due to an urge to purge or just needing cash for more Jesus juice, Michael Jackson is paring down his possessions and selling them to the highest bidder.

As seasoned garage sale experts, Mamarazzi took a look at some of the offerings and has some advice for the former Thriller.

This is a definite keeper. It could serve either as the Naughty Chair when little Blanket needs some time to chill the hell out or could be the Chair of Honor that gets used by someone on their birthday or when something good happens, like the one day they don't get beat up on the playground for being named "Blanket".

Another keeper. Making new items out of old clothing is a HUGE thing in the crafting world, and while we've never seen anything made out of rhinestone socks before, we think they could be turned into adorable softie hedgehogs.

Yep, go ahead and get rid of this and save your children the future hassle of pulling it out of the attic and throwing it above the mantel when you pull in the driveway to visit them.

Ditto on this one. GAH.

Now this train teapot is pretty cute, especially if you have a Thomas fan in the family. You should sell it, but only to us and for $8.

Keep. This jacket will come in handy for an 80's theme party or if one of the kids joins the marching band.

This also needs to be put in the Keep pile as it's actually a money saver. Tell the kids if they lose a glove THIS will be the replacement. You'll be amazed at how well those kittens will keep track of their mittens!

All photos SplashNews Online

You name both your sons "Prince" and you're gonna get rid of this stuff?! Keep it and let them sell it at later date to pay for their counselling.

says new teen mommy Bristol Palin.

You remember when we talked about how Madonna is jealous of her daughter's youth and beauty.

Well, Kate Moss isn't getting any younger and she already has one beautiful daughter. CLEARLY, she isn't about to risk further competition.

See, rumor has it Kate's pregnant again, this time by her long time (for her) boyfriend, Jamie Hince.

Good choice, Kate. Genetically speaking, the odds of having to compete with another gorgeous child are slim, indeed.

Pardon us for still being in a state of shock that anyone would do this to herself, OK? But reality appears to be sinking in for Nadya Suleman. Hello? Babies are expensive. So while she waits for Oprah to call, Octomommy is doing what she can to raise much-needed cash.

She started a web site

where you can donate money. Which is a start, but this picture (caution: skeeve alert) gave us some other ideas for ways for her to raise cash. Product endorsements!

How about

because seriously, those stretch marks? Make us think of the globes in the Rand McNally store.

And Nadya would be a natural as a spokeswoman for these

because you just know her bladder will never be the same.

N.B. Mamarazzi to Octomommy: "Cheaper by the Dozen" is a movie.

Yes, typically we limit our bitching to human parents, but today we're going cross species. See, we saw one of our favorite famous parents on TV the other day: Rogue, the biological father of last fall's internet sensation, the Live Puppy Cam Shiba Inu Puppies!

Rogue competed in the ultra-prestigious Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. We couldn't help but admire his extraordinarily groomed strawberry blonde fur. In fact, we covet it.

So, it seems, does his human mom, who appears to be wearing a stylish wig made of Rogue's trimmings.

Sorry, but we couldn't help but unleash our inner bitches.

We gotta hand it to you, it's a creative approach!
However, birthing two bus loads of kids and changing your look

Radar

to better resemble his sex kitten lover/adoption partner/offspringer bearer,

NBC/AP

is not going to get you any closer to sleeping with Brad Pitt.

So knock it off.

Meet Madonna's newest Boy Toy, 22 year old Jesus Luz.

Did you realize Madonna was in the pictures? It took Mamarazzi more than a few private moments glances to notice her...

We're feeling saved.

photos - W

After 15 months of legal to-ing and fro-ing, former couple Eddie Murphy and Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown have reached a financial agreement for their daughter Angel Iris Murphy Brown (almost 2). Murphy will be paying $50,000/month in child support until the child turns 18.

A friend of Mel B's said, "Mel is delighted that the case is over as she just wanted what was right for the girl ... It was never about the money - it was Mel's way of asking Eddie to show consideration for Angel.'"

Really? It was never about the money?

Photo courtesy of Pacific Coast News

OK Magazine is reporting that Madonna is so worried that her 12-year-old daughter will surpass her in the looks department that she sabotaged Lourdes's appearance by not letting her clean up her eyebrows.

Which is just silly.

Because even out-of-control eyebrows can't keep Lourdes from being gorgeous.

And anyway, Madonna's very hairy herself. She ought to know that true beauty can't be suppressed. Not even if it's wearing a couple of Groucho Marx eyebrows.

And everyone knows that if she starts to age, all she has to do is take another nip of the blood of an innocent virgin--

--well, a younger woman, anyway.

But really, Madge. Don't you realize you're acting like the next Mrs. Ritchie? You know--a stepmother?

Don't you think that should wait until you've married A-Rod?

Guys view May - December relationships differently than we do. We females think that young women with older rich and famous partners are, well, skanks. Here's what some guys we know have to say about these young women - old men couples:

Hey, Henry VIII needed younger women to bear an hier.


Of course Frank & Mia were soul mates. They had a very good year, right?

I see nothing wrong here.

Clearly, Angelina and Billy Bob were meant for each other. On some sad level, we agree.

What 20 year old wouldn't want to snoggle a Stone?

Everyone's fascinated by Larry King.

Hef loves and cares for his twin girlfriends so much more than any of their fellow teenagers possibly could.

OK guys, take a gander at the picture below.

Ignore how much Pamela Anderson is going to pot.

Check out the couple on the right.

They're fashion designer Dame Vivienne Westwood and her HUSBAND. She's 67. He's A LOT younger.

She's very rich and famous. He's her former assistant.

Here's a 2006 closesup of the mum of two holding some honorary awards presented to her by Prince Charles.She travels with a glamourous set.

See, guys? THIS is what love bunnies are reduced to.

Now you understand.

May God help us all if they really are soul mates.

You know Fountains of Wayne's song "Stacey's Mom", about the mother of a teenage girl, who in spite of the mini van, chaperone duties, start of crow's feet around the eyes, and sensible haircut still had "got it goin' on"?

Having divorced and fleeced a Beatle, we're confident no one will ever write a song like that about Heather Mills, especially with this new mom 'do.

WENN

33 year old Nadya Suleman, mother of 14, including the now infamous octuplets, has hired a top Los Angeles P.R. firm to stand in front of the hospital and tell the world that she, Suleman, is not the selfish ass we imagine, but rather a super gal with a sense of humor who is holding out for 2 million dollars from Oprah!

That's right folks... all those children are expensive and, as Suleman has no job, no spouse, and parents who are packing their bags at this very minute, ready to quit their gig as primary caregivers to the other 6 children, she's going to need whatever dollars she can gather (especially as it appears she spent her savings on IVF)...

We'll be honest... Suleman makes us stabby. We want to shake her until her now freakishly distended utereus falls to her feet, making it impossible for her to inflict any further reckless behavior on innocent children or innocent tax payers.

You?

Dear Suri,

It's okay. We understand.

(Image courtesy of Dlisted.)

We'd hide our faces too if our father was whoring himself out to promote his crapstastic movie and and if our mother was wearing a bizarre combination of $900 shoes and a bathing suit cover-up.

At this point you, dear child, might be the only sane and non-drugged member of your happy little family.

Honestly Suri, we don't even know how to help, but we'll give it lots of thought.

Love, the Mamas of 'Razzi

What do you think readers? How can we save Suri?