What's in store this year from some of Mamarazzi's favorites? We looked into our crystal ball and envisioned the following events occurring in 2009:
1. Tom Cruise will get dumped by Katie, then head to Massachusetts with Will Smith, where they will, to the delight of many, marry, adopt 7 children and educate them in Will’s Scientology school.
2. Madonna’s midlife crisis will escalate. She will briefly date Daniel Radcliffe until she discovers that he doesn’t really have a magic wand. If you know what we mean.
3. Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears will sign a pregnancy pact and deliver babies simultaneously on their own reality show on The Disney Channel. Their mom will write an inspirational book about it.
4. Tori Spelling will continue being useful to the Mamas of Razzi on particularly slow days.
5. David Beckham will sign with 3 European soccer teams, get “injured” in the first match with each, causing him to sit out the season for all 3 teams. He will then sign a multi-million dollar modeling contract for an international tattoo removal concern.
6. Amy Winehouse will fulfill her dad’s wishes by having a baby, which will activate her will to take good care of herself. Then Hell will freeze over.
7. Kate Hudson will resolve to be photographed making out with a different guy in a bar every night of 2009. Also, she’ll be spotted kissing a woman every once in a while because it's cool.
8. Daniel Craig will continue munching potato chips and be the first plus-sized James Bond.
9. Heather Mills will marry Balthezar Getty after being perfectly matched by eHarmony because they're the most reprehensible applicants that the dating service has ever seen.
10. Angelina & Brad will adopt a kid or two, enraging Jennifer Aniston. Angelina will further mess with Jen by starring in the cutest puppy movie ever, co-starring John Mayer.
Happy 2009 from all of us at Mamarazzi!
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