December 2008 Archives

If you're an adult who has lost custody of your children, has to live under your father's rules and regulations, and have flashed your naked lady bits to the world on more than once occasion, one might expect your New Year resolution list to rather profound.

Or you could go the Britney route for 2009:

"Next year, I have to learn to stop biting my nails! I would like to stop worrying so much, because I worry all the time. And to learn how to be happier, just in general. I have to learn to take things not so seriously."

But, it's still kind of awesome.

"Although they renewed their wedding vows a mere 3 months ago, J.Lo and Marc Anthony are apparently headed for splitsville... and they're going to formally announce their separation right after Marc’s show at Madison Square Garden on Feb. 14,” a friend of the couple tells us. “Jennifer is planning on joining Marc onstage for a surprise duet. Things haven’t been right for a while now, and they thought it would be a bittersweet farewell.”

Mamarazzi finds it hard to imagine anything tackier... but, it does keep in the spirit of all things Lopez.

NYDailyNews

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Just like last week, the Mamas have so much to discuss today. We just couldn't decide which topic deserved the focus of our attention.

Should we discuss Katie Holmes' most recent fugly outfit:

Photo courtesy of Just Jared.

If she keeps this up, she'll start making Helena Bonham Carter look stylish.

And then there's this new photo of Salma Hayek smoking while her one-year-old daughter stands nearby:

Photo courtesy of Pacific Coast News Online.

Yo mami! Put the cancer sticks away. If you can't quit for your own health, at least don't smoke around Valentina. We're sure she'd like it if her mother didn't die of lung cancer any time soon.

But we just couldn't get all het up about that photo. Not when we heard that our favorite James Bond has been on vacation in the Caribbean:

Oh wait, that's not what we were talking about. This is:

Photo courtesy of Just Jared.

... and so is this:

Photo courtesy of Just Jared.

(Click here to see more.)

Yes, we know that Daniel Craig has been waxed and plucked and possibly even Photoshopped within an inch of his life in the photo from the movie, not to mention the team of personal trainers who whipped his cute British ass into Bond shape.

Nonetheless, the photos from his vacation are the real deal. No, he's not as buff and perfect as Bond, James Bond, but he's still not too shabby for a 40 year old man with a teenage daughter. He certainly looks better than most of the fathers at our kids' schools.

So, since we still have the holiday spirit here at Mamarazzi, we'll dispense with the snark today and just give you some good old fashioned eye candy.

You're welcome.

Comments?

Happy boxing day!

What--you don't know what boxing day is? OK, we'll explain.

It's the day we administer a well-deserved uppercut to Pete Wentz for admitting to a member of the press that he had 1. tasted his wife's breast milk and 2. found it "soury and weird."

Was he high????

Pete Wentz before we smack him up the side of the head ...

Honestly! Did he think he was being edgy? Or that as an artist, he needed to shock the bourgeoisie?

Whatever. We think Ashley should shut off access to all of her bodily fluids until he apologizes.

And after
--
Ew, right? Right? Or not. Let us know here.

We Mamas of Razzi have been known to sneak a few well-chosen gifts for ourselves under the tree (or menorah) but, once again, we're reminded that Madonna's on a whole different celestial plain.

Madonna got herself a real life baby Jesus, asleep rolling in the hay for Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever holiday she's celebrating now.

Meet Jesus Luz, Madonna's spanking new 21 year old Brazilian boy toy. Twenty-one? We're guessing 18, TOPS.

Happy holidays, Madonna and Child.

And happy holidays and a big hug to everyone from Mamarazzi!

Click here for comments!

Photos: Ramey, Glamurama

Katie's escape plan was sheer brilliance.
A homeless woman returning with an armload of Toys for Tots loot would completely inconspicuous the day before Christmas.

Dear German Cosmopolitan,

Maybe Mamarazzi has been hitting the egg nog a little too frequently, but who the hell is this?

Apparently it's Angelina Jolie?

We don't see it. You've photoshopped the Jolie right out of her.

It's time to stop the madness, or should we say, stoppen Sie die Verrücktheit!

Danke,

Mamarazzi

Your thoughts?

photo - dlisted

Christmas came early for the Mamas this year -- in the form of SO MUCH stuff to talk about on this fine Monday morning. Since we're so happy about this gift of good gossip, we're going to share the love and give some gifts of our own.

Gift #1 -- Congratulations are in order for Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn who were delivered of a baby girl named Emery Hope Sehorn on Thursday.

Photo courtesy of Time Inc.

After Angie's claims that they were seeking an unusual name, we are frankly a bit underwhelmed by their choice. After all, since their older two girls are Finley Faith and Avery Grace, we could have predicted that the first name would end in a Y and the second name would be a theological attribute. We were honestly guessing it would be something OUT THERE, something like what Gwen Stefani would have chosen.

The Mamas' gift to the Sehorns: A break. We're going to lay off them for a little while because they're normal people who don't deserve our snark. For at least a week or so.

GIft #2 -- The Duggar family of Arkansas welcomed their 18th child on Friday -- Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar.

Image courtesy of Yahoo News.

The other Duggar children are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1.

The Mamas' gift to Michelle Duggar: We'd like to give her uterus the gift of abstinence from Jim Bob, but clearly there ain't nothing that will keep that horn-dawg away from his wife, so instead we'll offer Michelle the gift of a new baby name book -- one that covers all 26 letters of the alphabet and not just the letter J. Oh, and all the names in the baby name book are spelled traditionally, with no so-called "creative versions" in there.

Gift #3 -- Third on our is Bristol Palin, whose future mother-in-law was arrested on drug charges on Thursday.

Image courtesy of People.com.

The Mamas' gift to Bristol: Child, we're going to give you the gift of information -- you do NOT have to marry into this family of ignorant rednecks and drug dealers, in spite of what your very own uneducated hillbilly parents might be telling you. While we Mamas don't advocate teen pregnancy or unwed motherhood, we also do not think getting married just because you have to is always a good idea either. Bristol, get your high school degree. Do what is best for you and not what you are told to do by the people who didn't teach you about birth control in the first place.

Gift #4 -- Finally, there's actress Lisa Rinna, who will soon be posing -- butt nekkid, natch -- for Playboy.

Image courtesy of lisarinna.com.

Did we mention that Lisa is 45 and the mother of two young daughters?

The Mamas' gift to Lisa's daughters: The hope that their mother will get a clue and drop this. Because nothing sucks worse on the school playground than being teased by your classmates about Mom being photographed naked. Just ask Pam Anderson's sons.

So what would YOU give this year and to whom? Leave your comments at Jen's blog.

The Daily Dish just revealed that pregnant actress Kelly Rutherford keeps herself in shape by breastfeeding her two-year-old son Hermes.

Got frosting?

OK, we really don't mean to get all judgey-judgmental, and we know we're being politically incorrect, but we just have to say it:

Hermes is a dumb name.

But hey, Hermes! Are you interested in the power of the Mommyblogger? Because if you give us a $140,000 black crocodile Birkin, we promise to breastfeed it. And then blog about it.

---
What's next, a daughter named Aphrodite? And will she deserve a $140K diaper bag? You tell us.

Tom Cruise has had a big week. He channeled Elvis on The Tonight Show - and he swung his hips remarkably well

He read Letterman's Top Ten list! Well, kinda. He had a little trouble with a couple of the words, but he handled that charmingly.

He gushed about Suri's future acting career and her advanced vocabulary! Here she's telling Tom to please quit using her as paparazzi bait. Actually, it looks as though Tom's using her as a human shield.

Tom's been talking a lot about the wonderful things he's doing all week long for Katie's 30th birthday! Oh, Tom, you are the ultimate romantic dream, no?

Tom's poured on the charm unusually thickly this week. It seems like he's grinning and gabbing about everything that he's got going on, right?

But we can't shake this nagging feeling that there's something else he's supposed to be talking about. We mean, if he's chatting with People magazine and making the talk show circuit, he must be plugging something, right?

Oh yeah! He made this movie quite a while ago that's been in post production for an awfully long time. One might think the producers have tried editing tricks to make a bad movie better.

Good thing Tom got a Golden Globe nomination for a very brief appearance in "Tropic Thunder"! But considering the other Best Supporting Actor nominees are Robert Downey, Jr., Ralph Fiennes, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Heath Ledger as The Joker, we expect to hear Tom talk about why he suddenly looks 15 years younger anything... except Valkyrie. Or that whole Xenu thing.

Thoughts?

Photos: WENN , INF

When we heard actress Nicole Kidman was in a bit of hot water with Aboriginal groups for playing a special horn only allowed to be touched by men we laughed at the sexism.

After learning one of the side-effects for women who have dared played the didgeridoo is infertility, we said, "Chemical free birth control?! Sign us up!"

But we call bullshit on the infertility myth. We're pretty sure just looking at the photos of Nicole's horn solo may have knocked us up.

We know that the Santa lists are going to be chock full of requests for all things Twilight...

But this is just wrong.

Team Edward does not approve this doll.

Your thoughts?

image - Best Week Ever

Expectant mother Angie Harmon and her husband Jason Sehorn are expecting their third child this winter.

Image courtesy of Time Inc.

In a recent interview, Angie said that they have picked out a unique name. She said, "I look through the baby-name books to make sure the name I'm picking is not in there. I just don't want everyone to have it!"

Uh oh.

Angie, you have us worried. You already have daughters named Avery and Finley. How much more unique can you get without skewing into the bizarre?

We'd like to remind you that babies are humans and they have to live with their names forever -- or at least until they're old enough to legally change their names.

Think the Mamas are overreacting?

David Bowie named his son Zowie -- that kid later changed his name to Joe.

Tallulah Belle Willis changed her name to Lula Willis.

In New Zealand, a judge ordered a name change for a nine-year-old girl named Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. The girl was so embarrassed that she had never told her classmates her real name and they simply knew her as K.

Also in New Zealand, a judge blocked a couple from naming their son 4real.

We wish that a judge had been called in when the parents of Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K filed her birth certificate.

We're not suggesting that Angie and Jason should name their child Emily (#1 in 2007), Jacob (#1 in 2000), or Jennifer (#1970-1984). We understand that no child (both male and female) wants to be one of six Tylers in his/her kindergarten class.

Just use some common sense -- unlike Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. You just know that little Bronx Mowgli Wentz will one day legally change his name to Bob or Mike or John.

What do you think about, ahem, creative names? Leave a comment at Jen's blog.

In their attempts to become more like Brangelina, Pete and Ashlee are trying to peddle photographs of Bronx Mowgli, but without much success.

It seems the pair has approached all the major U. S. celebrity rags, and no one is biting.

According to one source, "covers of them don't tend to sell well."

Come on! That cover's not so bad.

The bulldog looks really cute.

--
Meow! Or is it woof woof? Let us know by commenting here.

A bit of Mamarazzi advice to Ricky Martin: Enjoy every minute of holding your beautiful sons, little Matteo and Valentino, on you lap while they're young.

'Cause when you're as old as Donald and Keifer Sutherland, it just looks a little loca.

Comments? Questions? Love Letters? Leave them here!

Star magazine believes it has solved the mystery of why Ashlee Simpson and Peter Wentz gave their son such a crappy name. It seems that it's not accidental that "Bronx" ends in "x" just like the Jolie-Pitt boys' names: Maddox, Pax, and Knox.
Simpson and Wentz tried to ape a baby name like their Hollywood heros in an attempt to be more like Jolie and Pitt.

Dear Ashlee,

We hate to break it to you, but no matter what you say, wear, or do, this:

will never, ever turn into this:

Yours in the face of harsh reality,

Mamarazzi

Mamarazzi wonders: If the powers that be feel the very lovely (and rather untalented) Jessica Alba needs to be photoshopped within an inch of humanity, what hope is there for the rest of us mere mortals?

Perhaps it's time for fashion editors to just throw in the towel and create Sims-like supermodels to hawk their Campari and other wares.

Are we the only ones seeing a smaller waist and thinner thighs? Not to mention some weird crotch area action?

Click here and let us know!

photo - Jezebel

Oh look, here's Victoria Beckham out shopping.

Image courtesy of People.com.

Uh Victoria, darling... Perhaps you aren't aware of this, but here in the U.S. of A., moms DO NOT dress like Joan Collins in "Dynasty" when we run errands. We wear our Old Navy jeans, our Gap t-shirts, and our Target ballet slippers.

And we always, always, always wear a bra.

Got something to say? Leave a comment at Jen's blog.

Then clap your hands!

And we do mean clap. In every sense of the word. Because rumor has it you will soon be able to see Disney's live-action version of Peter Pan, which according to reports all over the internet--will include Paris Hilton in the role of Tinkerbell.

Mind you, we don't believe everything we read on the internet. Hello? We're internet rumor-mongers and conspiracy theorists ourselves. It's what we do.

So we hope this is a stupid, baseless rumor. Because we'd rather take our impressionable daughters to a version of Peter Pan starring the Bratz than expose them to any more of Paris Hilton than is absolutely necessary. We are not enjoying the visions we're having of Target racks bulging with size 4T Paris Hilton-as-Tinkerbell nightgowns.

In the meantime, we wish Paris well in her campaign against licorice Apartheid.

Disney executives were especially impressed by this performance art piece, in which Paris showed her support for oppressed black licorice everywhere by singing protest Karaoke songs against red Twizzlers.

---
Do you agree that this might be the skeeviest idea Disney ever came up with? Or are we being all judgey-judgmental again? Comment here.

Our old friend Britney just celebrate her 27th birthday and WOW, has she come a long way in the past year. The picture below is from her 26th birthday a year ago.

And here she is now, as pictured on her new album, Circus. Sure, she's Photoshopped within an inch of her life and she's not really balancing that tightrope but he head's not shaved and she's got a decent hair weave. Never mind that she can't stop wearing dopey hats: Honestly, damn, the girl's looking good!

And who's to thank for this transformation? Her DAD. Mr. Jamie Spears.

Yeah, he's a little rough around the edges, but he does wear a seatbelt. Over the past year, he's done everything he can to take over his little Britney Jean's trainwreck life and get it back on track. Kudos to Jamie, he's done a spectacular job!

Yet, we're worried. Brit Brit's infomercial MTV comeback documentary Britney: For the Record not only showed Britney dismissing her shaved head incident by saying, "people shave their heads every day", it showed a home movie of Jamie thrilling Britney's tiny boys.

Jamie appeared at Sean Preston and Jayden James' door dressed as a funny clown. Hey, who expected this look to scare the Cheetos out of the Tater Tots, right?

Eeep. Maybe some of the crazy rubbed off on Jamie.

Or maybe life's still a circus at the Spears'.

This is not a good sign, people.

Stay tuned.

Please leave your comments here, dears.

Sometimes when dealing with child with the flu, or is starting to potty-train, or in the midst of an ear shattering tantrum, you might find yourself wistful for the day the little bugger will be grown and on their own.
When you have that fleeting thought, we'd like you to remember this recent cover of Tatler magazine:

You might not recognize these young women, but their daddies: Rod Stewart, Bob Geldof, and Ronnie Wood sure do.
(And suddently, that screaming fit your toddler had in the middle of Nordstrom's last week doesn't seem so quite as bad, does it?!)

Ivana Trump is divorcing her husband of 6ish months citing his desire to live in Miami and not the 23 year age difference as the reason.

Ok.

Mamarazzi wants to remind Ivana that while we support and understand the desire to get jiggy/shake your groove thing/do the wild thing/bang a gong and get it on with an Italian piece of mancake, it is not necessary to marry the child fool guy.

David Beckham took his three adorable sons to a basketball game this weekend:

Awww... How cute. How sweet. How precious.

Later on, however, the scene was a little less angelic:

Yep, that's more of what we were expecting.

What do you think? Do the Beckham boys live a reasonably normal life, in spite of the constant crowd of paparazzi that follows them? Leave a comment at Jen's blog.

Photos courtesy of xposurephotos.com via VictoriaBeckhamBlog.