September 2008 Archives

Which soccer mom is tottering around after her brood in these $6,000 boots?

Click HERE for the answer...

The Mamas of Mamarazzi know all about chaos, bedlam, and pandemonium. We've all had those days when the alarm didn't go off on time, the kids fought during breakfast, the dog vomited on the kitchen floor, and the car battery was dead when we were already five minutes late to take the kids to school.

It's times like this that we don't give a rat's ass about our personal appearances, so we toss on whatever clothes are handy and grab a baseball cap to cover our bedhead. Every mother has had to do this on occasion.

Then there's Helena Bonham Carter.

EVERY day is a baseball-hat-and-whatever-clothes-are-handy day for Helena:

(Photo courtesy of Google Images.)

We can understand not giving a crap when one is nine months pregnant, but this goes beyond not giving a crap:

(Photo courtesy of Google Images.)

Uh oh, apparently it's a family tradition for both parents to dress like they're homeless:

(Photo courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.)

At least the child is clean and well dressed.

Helena, we understand that this is a lifestyle thing for you. You're a lovely woman and you're rich, so you DON'T have to look good if you bloody well don't feel like it.

Fine, don't worry about matching clothes or even wearing what's in season. We suggest you start small. Take a shower. Use soap AND shampoo. Afterward, comb the tangles out.

Maybe later we can work on your wardrobe. Possibly set up a system like Garanimals.

Try it. You just might like it.

So what about YOU? How often do you grab a baseball cap as you hurry out the door? Leave your comments here.

Screen legend Paul Newman passed away on Friday, September 26. He was 83.

His icy blue eyes, rugged good looks, and large philanthropic heart made our Mamarazzi hearts flutter.

And his 50 year marriage to Joanne Woodward caused us to adore him even more. After all, who can resist a gorgeous man who's devoted to his wife?

Goodbye Butch Cassidy. We'll miss you.

(All photos courtesy of Google Images.)

Star Magazine claims that Suri Cruise has no little playmates because Tom Cruise is too picky about other people's children. The magazine reports that even when Katie Holmes takes Suri to the gym, they play together in a private room, and not with the other kids.

Of course, Star isn't mentioning that maybe--just maybe--Suri plays inside their 30,000 square foot mansion because her parents don't want to feed the dozens of paparazzi hovering outside.

But a reasonable person might assume that there are privacy issues here. Right?

Of course, we aren't reasonable. We think Suri hangs out with stuffed animals and dolls because they don't mess with her world view:

Suri: OK, see, there's this alien galactic ruler named Xemu, and he's the emperor of Teegeeack.
Doll: ...
Suri: And he gave people shots and put them in rocket and then stacked them up around volcanoes on Teegeeack. Which is here.
Doll: ...
Suri: And then he blew them all up!
Doll: ...
Suri: And then he made everyone watch 3-D movies that were supposed to be real, but were full of false teaching.
Doll ...
Suri: You're right! It does sound an awful lot like the Teletubbies.

This whole Clay Aiken business about not raising a child to lie or hide things has got us thinking. We mean, we wholeheartedly support, nay, applaud Clay's thoughtful approach to coming clean about himself as well as his high parenting standards. Sigh. We once had such standards.

But as our parenting duties have worn on, we've come to realize that there are some things that maybe, just maybe, we should hide from the fruit of our loins. And we're not just talking about the boozy frat parties at which we met their dads. Yeah, like we could remember anything about those even the next morning.

We're talking about the everyday things we do that maybe we shouldn't share with the little ones. Such as:

-- The times we've sent the kids to school, even though we knew they had the flu, because we wanted to stay home and take a nap, dammit.

-- The times we and the mom next door blew off going to the PTA meeting and instead went out for soothing Margaritas.

-- The time we forgot to buy Oreos for your school lunches and substituted "yummy little berries", which was actually a three year old jar of capers we found in the back corner of the cupboard.

Clay, we look forward to welcoming you to the league of secret slacker parents.

Leave comments here.

If you have to hide behind the cuteness of your baby to share information everyone has already known for years, you've got way bigger problems than gayness, buddy.

Dear Gwyneth,

We here at Mamarazzi think you have pretty hair. We also think you have beautiful children and a talented husband.
We've even liked some of your movies ... The Talented Mr. Ripley comes to mind ... all those skirts and head scarves ... lovely!

However, we're not so keen on this new website of yours. Mostly because we find it a bit, shall we say, obnoxious, of you to think that you would be our go-to gal for "nourishing our inner aspect".

For starters, we aren't quite sure we have an inner aspect. Is it near the G-spot?

Also, "the recipe you made up this week"? Is it homemade pizza which needs to be baked in an outdoor wood burning oven?

Finally, "I love being in spaces that are clean and feel nice."

Do you consider that a radical statement?

Oh, Gwynnie, we've just realized where your Inner Aspect is located ... and it's nothing a high colonic can't cure.

xoxo,

Mamarazzi

Surprise! Comments busted... leave 'em here.

photo - flixster.com

Salma Hayek's little girl Valentina turned one this past weekend.

Happy birthday Valentina!

We hope you had a lovely day and that you received some fun toys, but what we'd really like is for something to be taken away from you. What would that be? Let's see how observant the readers of Mamarazzi are:

(Photo courtesy of Google Images.)

(Photo courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.)

(Photo courtesy of Celebrity Baby Blog.)

Yes readers, you are correct. It appears that little Valentina has been wearing a sweet little bracelet for several months now. While we Mamas agree that a girl can never have too much jewelry, we do think that baby girls should wait until they're old enough not to put choking hazards in their mouths.

But what do you think? Should babies wear jewelry? Since the comments are still broken here, click here and voice your opinion.

Except when it's jail time. And it's Ryan and Redmond O'Neal.

We all know that the family that prays together, stays together.

But what about the family that does methamphetamine together--while they're on probation? That's the family that gets mugshots taken together.

Here they are following their recent drug bust. Redmond is just a chip off the old block, isn't he?

REUTERS/Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department/Handout (UNITED STATES)

When you think about it, though, the O'Neals are doing us a favor by demonstrating what 40 years of drug abuse will do.

To keep things cozy, Tatum chimed in from the East Coast:

Addiction, if untreated, can lead to jail, institutions and death. I love them both, and I am sorry to hear about this.

AP Photo/Evan Agostini/file

Remember her recent bust for cocaine and crack shopping? What was that, anyway--a month ago?

We say pot, meet kettle.

And Tatum? You need to stop blowing your face-lift money on drugs.

Yes, yes, yes, we're doing Lynne Spears again but face it, she's the national treasure of The American Dream gone haywire. We all know that Dina Lohan tries to emulate Lynne but, despite all her desperate antics, she's just not in Lynne's league.

Case in point: Lynne appeared on Today and talked about learning of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy. Jamie Lynn gave her a note to read alone in her bedroom. The note explained that Jamie Lynn was pregnant. While reading the note, Mom Lynne thought it was a joke.

We understand denial but COME ON, LYNNE! You're received so much bad news about your kids that your reaction should have been, "Hoo doggies, time to call the publicist again."

But maybe we're being too harsh. Maybe the old give Mom a horrifying note to read alone in the bedroom routine is a cherished Spears family joke.

Or perhaps, Lynne's a tad clueless. Maybe she thought, "Now, that's just not possible. I mean, Britney boinked that popular football boy I set her up with and heaven knows she and that Justin Timbertoes boy did it like bunnies and if a baby had come from that, I'm SURE one of Britney's handlers would have told me!"

We say, Lynne, don't change. You make our jobs so easy.

Leave comments here.

Awwww...........isn't that sweet! Fifteen-year-old Disney tween queen Miley Cyrus has a twenty-year old boyfriend!

We can't imagine anything untoward ever occurring between an older guy and an underage girl.

Seriously, what could go wrong?

Frances Bean Cobain, only child of grunge rock messiah and Nirvana front man, the late Kurt Cobain, turned Sweet 16...

Awww, you're thinking pink party and a white BMW convertible right?

Hellz no!

Frances Bean is ringing in her driver's license and, if her parents (Mom is Courtney Love) are any indication a lifetime of substance abuse, with a SUICIDE themed party.

Which isn't in poor taste at all... you know, being that Kurt Cobain killed himself back in 1994.

Ipod Touch for the 3 people who look the "most dead"!

Sweet 16 is right!

Click HERE to leave your comments... we love them, we cherish them, and we want to make out with them...

"Ugly Betty" star Rebecca Romijn and her husband Jerry O'Connell are expecting twins -- girls due in January. We Mamas of 'Razzi couldn't be happier for them.

But we are less than overjoyed with Rebecca's pregnancy wardrobe:

Girlfriend, we understand that you're feeling tired and bloated, but that shirt would make the little baby Jesus AND the Virgin Mary cry. You are gorgeous and have money, so stop hitting the bargain rack at KMart and start dressing more like Alexis Meade.

Yep, those pesky comments are still broken. Click here to comment at Jen's blog.

Photos courtesy of Google Images.

You know how you get a video camera and you start making videos of everything? Baby's first step; the middle school graduation; the Cub Scout boxcar derby; paint drying in the living room?

And then you realize that you never actually watch the movies you make?

Well, what would happen if you actually produced something watchable? Like a sex tape? That got leaked? And you had children?

Welcome to Pamela Anderson's world.

Celebrities are just like us! No, really!

Recently her 10- and 12-year old sons wanted to watch Borat, which includes a scene where Sascha Baron Cohen watches the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape--the one that got leaked about 10 years ago, back in the Jurassic era, when people were still using tape.

According to Pamela:

They really wanted to see Borat, and I finally had a breakdown and let them because all their friends had (seen it) and I said: "There are a few things we have to talk about before you see Borat." I explained to them: "Mom and daddy run about naked all the time and we taped some things ... and someone stole the tape."

The actress reports that she watched the movie with her children, and "kind of went 'La la la' over the parts I didn't want them to hear."

"La la la we can't seeeeee this!"

Well played, Pamela! And don't worry about the parts your sons missed; we're sure their friends will fill them in.

Images courtesy of Ze and CelebrityBabies

We know the feeling. You've been at home with the baby and feeling just a little... obsolete. You want to get back into the grownup world and you want to be noticed.

If you're Christina Aguilera, this could make you a little gaga. You need to do something new but you just don't know what to do. You've done Lady Marmalade, you don't want to imitate Lady Madonna so... how about imitating Lady GaGa? Who's to know? Who's to care? Really, we mean it.

Because Christina's performance has been pulled by the VMA copyright attorneys, here's the Sims part of Christina's VMA performance.

And here's Lady GaGa's Miss Universe performance. Be sure to check out the contestants going gaga.

Someone wants to imitate Lady GaGa? GAAAAAAAAA!

Comments? Leave 'em here.

When the body cannot agree?

Am I hot? Am I cold? The tank top? The heavy scarf? Am I walking a lot today? The shoes that look like a pump but feel like a sneaker?

How does one solve the fashion dilemmas of the peri-menopausal woman?

You wear it all people. You wear. It. All.

photo - Jezebel

The MTV Video Music Awards were last night. Surely, you remember last year's awards?

Ah yes, Britney Spears' performance. The one that she barely got through without passing out. Unlike VMA performances in earlier years, when she was well-groomed and her moves were sharp, in 2007 Britney was bloated, slow-moving, and couldn't even manage to lip synch.

2007 and early 2008 were rough for Brit Brit -- for months, she was a walking disaster, including losing custody of her children, freaking out in front of the paparazzi, and getting into quickie relationships with parasitic losers.

In the past few months, however, Britney has cleaned up. She has shed the drugs, the hangers-on, and the extra weight. She now has visitation with her children. She's even working again.

Compare her performance at the VMA's with this video of a recent rehearsal to see what we're talking about.

Say what you will about Britney, girlfriend is clearly trying to get her act together and we Mamas of 'Razzi tip our hats to her. We have hope that she'll be okay.

Now if only someone could do something about her wardrobe choices and posture.

The comments STILL aren't working. We're getting there, just be patient. In the meantime, click here to let us know what you think about Britney these days. Is she healthy for the short term or the long haul?

Photo credits, top to bottom: AP, Reuters

In case you haven't noticed, former cash cows Britney and Jamie Lynne are being sidelined. They're too busy re-attaching their hair extensions or bearing out-of-wedlock children to earn the kind of money that stage mom Lynne Spears expects her daughters to earn.

And so she has had no choice but to sell her daughter out to the reading public.

Mommy Dearest's new book, Through The Storm: A Real Tale Of Fame And Family In A Tabloid World, reveals that:

• Britney started drinking when she was 13

• Britney lost her virginity when she was 14.

• Mommy knew Britney was experimenting with drugs at age 15

• Mommy knew Britney was shagging Justin. And actually encouraged it.

They were doing it all along. Who knew? And aren't you glad he got rid of that hair?

Not content with these crimes, Mrs. Spears encouraged unwed mother Jamie Lynne to send Bristol Palin a gift from LA baby boutique Petit Tresor.

Yes, that's right. Six tiny burp cloths embroidered with skulls have been sent to Bristol Palin. Paid for by Mommy Spears-est.

Well, all right. Sending a baby gift isn't so heinous.

And yet, we've decided Lynne Spears is like a destructive virus that is targeting teenaged girls.

So if you are a teenaged girl? And see Lynne Spears coming? RUN AWAY.

After all, with Moms like this, who needs enemies?

Lynne Spears, a tramp, and the girl she made into one.

David Spade's a surprise dad now, thanks to a brief liaison with a willing playmate.

So now David's spade has gotten him into the same predicament as such recent newsmakers as Jamie Lynn Spears, a high profile male politician and the daughter of this week's high profile politician, whom we've been told not to name.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's someone Mamarazzi would like you to meet before your next romantic encounter: Your new best friend, The Captain!

Leave comments here.

Remember when it was common for adults to warn kids not to make ugly faces because it might freeze that way?

We're thinking it might not be a such a bad idea to bring that myth back.

Bowing down to what is clearly a combination of amazing genetics and a highly talented plastic surgeon, Mamarazzi wants to take this moment to remind Peter Cook to enjoy his Internet porn.

That is all.

P.S. - do you see the theme developing here lovely readers? The husbands of gorgeous women and their porn addiction... boggles the mind, no?

When a celebrity hits a bad place in his life, he will go into rehab. When this happens, his spokesperson will issue a statement saying that So-and-so is seeking treatment for medical reasons and please respect his privacy, etc. etc. etc. Invariably, the reasons given for the rehab are watered-down versions of the truth.

For example: "Actress Jones is being treated for exhaustion."

The truth: "Actress Jones partied her ass off for two straight weeks and is so hungover that her vital organs are nearly pickled and had to stage an intervention.

Example: "Actor Smith is being treated for an addiction to pain killers."

The truth: "Actor Smith was mainlining coke off of his girlfriend's taut abs."

So it is with some confusion that we consider the recent reports that former X-Files actor David Duchovny has checked himself into rehab for sex addiction.

Because if that's the watered-down version, then the possibilities of what the real story is absolutely boggles our minds.

Click here to leave a comment.