Now that Mariah Carey has changed her mind about having a baby, speculation is rife as to whether--and when--she'll get pregnant.
All we can say about that is, Mariah?
Do your child a favor. Have a girl.
Because no boy should have to inherit your baseball-throwing genes.
Just when we think Tom can't outdo himself, he shows us that he has unlimited powers. Powers to make us gag, of course.
As we mentioned before, summer marks the 25th anniversary of Tom's first starring role movie, Risky Business. Tom's celebrating the occasion with a very special edition of his official website.
Alas, there's no mention of his religion or his ScientoloBot wife, Kate. But that doesn't mean he left out the batshit crazy!
Check out the Biography page. Tom's not just a legend, he appears to be the second coming of Xenu.
Watch the Video, featuring odd music choices starting with the anthemic Also sprach Zarathustra, also known as the theme song of choice for Elvis and professional wrestler Ric Flair. Interestingly, the next song played is the Stones' Sympathy for the Devil. We wish we were making this up.
Please visit the glam photography Gallery, and make sure you see the fourth picture. Tom and his mancrush David Beckham have, at long last, morphed!
And please don't miss the Message from Tom. He closes his humble, heartfelt self-lovefest with "This is for you. Enjoy!" Tommy, we enjoy it for the wrong reasons. And we believe the website is for YOU.
----------------WE CAN HAS COMMENTS?----------------------
1 From Jill
I saw this a couple weeks ago and have been meaning to post about it, but you guys beat me to it ... and summed up my thoughts exactly!
The music on the video by the way is from Tangerine Dream who did some of the music for Risky Business.
What's up with that picture of him on the "What's New" page? When did he ever look like that?
And did you notice there is no sight of Nicole or Penelope in any of the clips from the movies he did with them?
Past? Erased. Thank you, Xenu.
Dear Sharon,
You're stupid.
Love,
Mamrazzi
Yes, we realize we're being unimaginative and posting about Denice Richards twice in two days.
What can we say? We've missed her.
Also we can't resist airing this clip from The View, for those of you who didn't catch it live. Watch this and see how Denise justifies including her chldren in her reality show.
See? There's no reason to snark her. She's only doing it because her mother, who died of cancer, wanted her to do it. She's not a rotten mother. She's a wonderful daughter.
p.s. Oh hai. We're still working on the comments glitch. In the meantime, feel free to snark Denise anywhere else you want.
Good grief, it’s been over three years since Denise Richards filed for divorce from Charlie Sheen and they’re STILL bickering to anybody who will put up with their nonsense.
They had a highly dysfunctional three year marriage. But being the overachievers that they are, they're extending and inflating the craziness to levels that may never be matched even by The Lohans or Amy Winehouse and Blaaaaaaaake!
Denise has two current projects:
1. An very public and seemingly endless disagreement over an alleged email claiming that she wants Charlie’s sperm to father her third child, and
2. A new reality show, It’s Complicated, premiering May 26 on E!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Now, we Mamarazzi Mamas aren’t judgmental, of course. Nevertheless, we have a few opinions on what’s complicated and what’s considerably simpler.
Complicated: Writing bizarre emails requesting a sperm donation from ex-husband Charlie. This applies to whomever wrote them. Charlie and New Girlfriend, you’re not in the clear here!
Simpler: Accepting that your ex is indeed your ex. It’s over.
Complicated: Making a reality show that’s interesting if you don’t work and don’t want to look dopey and shallow.
Simpler: Using your exceptional good looks, money and contacts to build a new life. With a rich, famous man.
Complicated: Claiming that you’re poor when you receive $600,000 – tax free - per year in child support.
WAY MORE Complicated: Being a typical divorced mom of two, receiving little or no child support, trying to make ends meet with an ordinary job, paying for child care when you can’t be with your kids AND having a life of your own - ZZZZING!
SPECIAL NOTE! If our comments STILL aren't working (we do have someone trying to fix the problem), send your comments to SarahO, Poppy or Kristin. WE MISS YOUR SNARKS!
Photo credits: Top, unknown Bottom, Playboy
If Mamarazzi's husband had hair like Keith Urban's, Mamarazzi would be single.
Looks like the Britney Spears Parenting Guide is out in paperback.
But that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt isn't just adorable, she's also pretty darn clever!
There's something eerily familiar about this picture of Christina Aguilera. And it's not because it reminds us of so many other celebrities.
It's not her Madonna-channels-Farrah-Fawcett-for-the-Hung-Up-video hairdo.
Or her curvy Meg Ryan lips.
Or her Dolly Parton boobages.
It's the big blue veins on the boobages.
When we were postpartum, we had road maps on our eyeballs. You know, the whole sleepless-nights-breastfeeding-round-the-clock thing.
Whereas Christina's left boobage reminds us of the huge map of the United States that used to hang in our American history classroom. The part that showed the Mississippi River and its tributaries.
Honestly, if you look close enough, you can see Huck and Jim on a raft.
Catherine Zeta-Jones is filming a new movie, The Rebound.
It's a romantic comedy.
It features a scene in which a man flashes Ms. Z-J and the child actors playing her kids.
The flasher's wearing a prosthetic willy.
Did we mention the movie's a romantic comedy?
Did we mention this scene features kids?
Did we mention we have no idea what are the film honchos and Ms. Z-J are thinking?
What are you thinking?
photos: PacificCoastOnline.com
Behold!!
Breastfeeding at age 8!
Dad joining in!
No worries, "She won't be breastfeeding when she's at college!"
It doesn't seem an exaggeration to say that baby Harlow likely saved her mom's life. Nicole Richie is a much healthier weight, seems to be saying no to drugs, and now parties a survivable amount.
We couldn't help wondering if perhaps mini-Mes might be the answer to saving this next generation of celebutants from themselves......
One of the best things about being a mom is you don't have to be a celebrity to be a super star.
Happy Mother's Day!
Sometimes the facts snark for themselves: Dina Lohan has received a "Top Mom" of the year award.
Mingling Moms gave the award to 20 Long Isand, NY stage moms for their "behind the scenes" contributions to their children's "tremendous careers."
Dina's introduction included, "Dina is such a dedicated mom. Through all the ups and downs of Lindsay, she has been by her side." Yes, we recall Dina at Lindsay's side doing Jell-o shooters at Dina's favorite club, Butter. Many, many times.
As far as we know, only attention crazed Dina Dearest showed. Like we expected Billy Joel's thousand year old mom to make the prestigious event.
And to show that she's just as good a daughter as she is a mom, Dina took the photo op to show her love by strangling her own mother.
photos: Wenn, Wireimage
Dear Madonna,
You are 50.
Leave the girl-on-girl action to Joe Francis and the rest of the Girls Gone Wild Team.
Love,
Mamarazzi
Mamarazzi knows how hard it can be to skip the pancakes and vanilla lattes and all those other yummy breakfast diet saboteurs... we have often thought, "If only something could gross us out to the point of actually losing our appetite for the entire day..."
And the diet-goddess must have heard our pleas because - BEHOLD!
Hulk Hogan, applying tanning lotion to his daughter's ass.
Gah!
Mamarazzi just threw up a little.
And we were worried about Miley and Billy Ray...
What do you say when your young, handsome
engaged to a Victoria Secret model son
dumps her and marries a diva
who has a Hello Kitty room,
bathes in rose petals,
and farts rainbows?
You give a statement like:
“We are happy for him. If that is what he wants, then we are happy for him.”
You know that remark of Andy Warhol's, when he said everyone is going to be famous for fifteen minutes?
Well, here's the updated version:
Everyone is going to get humped by Madonna for fifteen minutes. (Or four minutes, as in the case of Justin Timberlake.)
In fact, Madonna is the new STD. Remember when Madonna French-kissed Britney?
Well, now she's infecting Britney's ex.
OK, Britney, Justin--Who's next? K-Fed? Paris Hilton? Don't laugh--it could happen. In fact, it probably will.
"Wait a minute. How old did you say she is?"
Almost 50, Justin. But guess what? Madonna has signed a ten-year concert contract. She's going to be humping people ten years from now. When Lourdes is a sophomore in college.
In fact, she'll probably spend rush week humping every student in Lourdes' dorm.
We have one piece of advice: Lock your doors, people.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gwen woke up thinking, Spring is here and Kingston needs a Slip 'n Slide!
Frou-frou toy boutiques don't sell Slip 'n Slide. Kmart does.
So, Gwen decided, let's go to Kmart!
Look at the picture above.
Gwen's realizing that Kmarts can be dingy, crowded and, what's that funky smell? Gwen's realizing, Kmart Sucks!
Kingston's realizing that Kmarts have more fabulous toys than he's seen in all his 23 months. Kingston's realizing, Kmart Rocks!
Gwen's realizing that her kid's going drive her cr-a-zy begging for all those spectacular Kmart toys.
Celeb parents: They're just like us!
photo: jfxonline.com
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