February 2008 Archives

You know how groups of concerned family members and friends will gather together and perform an intervention on someone who--although he or she constantly wakes up in a puddle of vomit--stoutly denies having a drinking problem?

And you know how sometimes people talk about calling in the Fashion Police?

Well, we'd like to combine these activities in a form of Fashion Intervention. Because all kidding aside, someone needs to do something.

The following women are Scientologists:

Nancy Cartwright, a/k/a the voice of Bart Simpson

Kirstie Alley

Juliette Lewis

Greta van Susteren

What do we notice about these ladies?

That they are somewhat style-challenged? Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

OK. The following photograph is Katie Holmes at a recent award ceremony.

You may or may not like the "Hair by Louise Brooks" bob. But hey, let's look at the bright side--no visible roots!

But LOOK AT THAT DRESS. It looks like something Aunt Bea wore to Mayberry High School's senior prom.

In 1933.

Somebody help Katie before Xenu takes her shopping again.

Jennifer Lopez' twins (shown above in Mamarazzi's EXCLUSIVE photo) have it rough. It's not easy keeping up with Katie Kate Cruise and little Suri, fashionwise. Not one to be bested, Jen made some interesting choices on her Petit Tresor baby registry.

If you want to know what Mamarazzi's sending the Lopez-Anthony family, put your curser over the photo below.

Jenny From the Hood's choices included matching cashmere cardigan, hat and pants sets for her twins, a steal at $279 each.

If you choose to send Jen a less pricey gift, feel free to consider the onesie set for a mere $169

Jen's such a rookie mom! She didn't realize that newborns are adorably packaged digestive systems. Think about it: New parents' lives are devoted to putting things into their babies' digestive systems and dealing with what spurts out the other end. You know what we're talking about.

One up-the-back diaper mess and we're willing to bet a $1,250 diaper bag those outfits go straight into the jewel-encrusted Diaper Genie.

Huh. Looks like Jimmy Kimmel isn't taking the news that his girlfriend is f**king Matt Damon very well AND he's got a celebrity posse that includes Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, and many more watching his back as he, uhhh.... apparently does it prison style with Ben Affleck.

Saoirse Ryan

Mylie Cyrus

Which of these 15 year olds looks less like a teen dream queen and more like a boozey floozey who would like to get up in your husband's business?

After Lindsey Lohan's naked Marilyn photo shoot garnered so much attention last week, the self-proclaimed Miss American Dream flashed her bare Britney to the cameras not once, but TWICE.

This time Britters is apeing Angelina after Angelina recently appeared wearing a dress that silenced the pregnancy questions once and for all.

Yes, baby on board!

Ack! Please let that be gas!

On the one hand, we think it's great that just like everyone else, Kate Beckinsale arranges theme birthday parties for her nine-year-old daughter. Even if the theme is 101 Dalmations.

Butt [sic] we do kind of wonder about her choice of attire. In fact, we feel like coining a new acronym: NSFYDBP (not safe for your daughter's birthday party.)

Strange as it sounds, we'd rather see Will Ferrell in one of his trademark outfits that showcase his dangly bits.

What's the deal with the paper bag caftan suit?

For the love of all that is good and decent, Will, WHY?

Dear readers, please help us understand by voting in our EXCLUSIVE Mamarazzi poll below.

And just because we've never posted it and because we love it, here's Will's classic video, The Landlord. Caution: Naughty language and silliness!

Momma Lohan calls her daughter's recreation of the famous Marilyn Monroe "Last Sitting" photos of the blonde icon six weeks before she was found dead in her bed of a drug overdose, "artistic."

As mothers, we find 21 year-old Lindsay looking exceedingly more world-weary and hardened than Marilyn,who was fifteen years her senior, "heartbreakingly sad" and "horrifying."

Mamarazzi think this hair looks as though -

It was sprayed on with this -

Tony Manero

A mere week after 18 year-old Barron was thrown in jail for a DUI, big sis Paris spends her birthday making sure he never looks at booze the same way again.

and it's "Got To Be Real."

US Magazine is running a little feature showing us how fast the stars get their figures back after they give birth.

And it's fast. Nicole Ritchie went from anorexic to great with child to anorexic in the time it takes us to put a Netflix DVD into its red envelope and shove it into the mailbox.

And that's why--speaking of envelopes--we'd like to hand out an early Emmy. We're awarding it to Salma Hayek, producer of Ugly Betty

and a little girl named Valentina.

The reward is for looking like a woman who has just had a baby.

First of all, you know how the average star is running around with a little tiny bump? Not our Salma. When Salma was pregnant, she wasn't just big--she was HUGE.

Salma, we feel your pain. Especially in that last picture.

But the best part comes later. Instead of looking perfectly coiffed and having 30 extra pounds liposuctioned off of her, she actually looks ... kind of shitty.

"Shitty" of course, being a relative term. Let's face it. Salma is this generation's Ava Gardner. Or Raquel Welch. Whatever--we're not running one the many, many super-hot "before" pictures of Salma, because frankly? It's demoralizing. Google them for yourselves, if you must.

So it cheers us up to see the post-partum Salma looking a little frizzy. And chunky.

And still missing her teeny tiny little waistline.

Thank you, Salma. We who are about to admit that we'll never get back into our pre-pregnant jeans salute you.

As tempting as it is, we've chosen NOT to be snarky about Valentines Day.

Instead, we're digging deep into our soft sides and featuring a few favorite photos of DILFs and their special Valentines, their kids.

Don't worry, we'll be snarking again tomorrow!

Only Brad Pitt could manage to have a female clone.

Ben Affleck loving his Violet, the cutest celebrity toddler ever.

Our new favorite? Ryan Phillippe makes us swoon by sharing a tender moment with his Deacon.

Note to guys: Babies are the ultimate chick magnet. Happy V Day, everyone!

¡para el motivo de la cogida, alguien la para!*

*for fuck's sake, somebody stop her!

We don't mind J. Lo and Marc... he has that goofy look that men with hugely pregnant wives get, the one that says, "I did that?!" while La Lopez has an expression well known to 3rd trimester women everywhere, it is the look that says, "I am thinking about having these babies right fucking here."

But, we're not so keen on Mr. and Mrs. Cruise. Katie is surely thinking "Magical." "Twins and babies and shiny things are all magical" and Tom? Well, we're pretty sure his thought bubble reads, "2 more for Xenu!"

THIS is what a muscial comeback performance looks like:

If you're unfamiliar with the Amy Winehouse story, all you need to catch up is to see the Before picture taken a few weeks ago and know she's been living out the words to her Rehab song.

There has been talk that Amy is moving in with her good friend Kelly Osbourne and her family to get over her drug addiction.

We're not sure if this is a brilliant idea or a really, really bad one.

Does anyone else out there remember
that Don Henley song--or is it just us?

We thought about it when we heard that "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss has just been arrested for DUI and illegal possession of prescription drugs. Because Fleiss is now a resident of a town with the unlikely name of Pahrump, Nevada, where she owns and operates a laundromat called--wait for it-- "Dirty Laundry."

Now, of course we realize that Fleiss is not a parent, and therefore, would not ordinarily be grist for the Mamarazzi mill.

But you see, it's refreshing to run a DUI/illegal drug story about someone who is a legal adult. Also, nobody is wondering whether she has a baby bump. On top of that, Fleiss is not in the process of adopting a child from a different continent.

And this is key: we know what dirty laundry can do to a girl. And celebrity ex-con Heidi Fleiss is doing us a service by letting the world in on the dirty secret of dirty laundry. Because this is Heidi Fleiss before Dirty Laundry:

And this is her afterwards:

There's a lesson in this for all of us.

We love Jerry Hall. She's so super sexy. And she says great stuff like:

My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

And of course we love her for her old boyfriends, Roxy Music singer Bryan Ferry (he's straight?!), Phil Bronstein (aka Mr. Sharon Stone) and her 20-year partner/husband, Mick Jagger, the father of her four children.

Now Jerry's the 51 year old "Global Ambassador" for Levitra. According to its Web site, Jerry is "touring the world as part of Levitra's campaign to encourage women to 'strike up a conversation' with their partner to start discussion and ultimately treat erectile dysfunction."

Brilliant! As usual, we have a few ideas. Maybe Jerry could strike up conversations with her old - and we mean old - boyfriends by using lines like these:

"Hey! Levitra's worth tryin' Bryan!"

"Just take the freakin' pill, Phil!"

"... About your d*ck, Mick..."

Then again, maybe not.

Got any ideas?

Sarah Silverman delivered this "Dear John" letter to late night talk show host and her longtime beau, Jimmy Kimmel... making us love Matt Damon, husband, father and People's Sexiest Man of the Year, a whole damn lot.

Miley Cyrus: Girl gone wild

Or Blythe doll?

You know J Lo is having twins, right?

Well, because we're well connected, we got our hands on the sonogram. We thought about keeping this to ourselves, but eventually, we realized that we would be irresponsible journalists if we didn't leak these pictures to the internet right away.

Here's one twin:

And here's the other:

Mark what's-his-name has got to be pissed. They don't look like him at all. But we definitely see a resemblance to J Lo.