One might think if your mother co-starred in a variety show in the 1970's she would have reached maximum embarrassment level back then.
But not only did the children of Marie Osmond (and all their friends, neighbors, and minor acquaintances) see her pass out live on the air,
they were also subjected to her transformation into a creepy, dancing baby doll, eerily reminiscent of her Donny and Marie cheesy song and dance skit days.
And just to be sure playground bullies will not lack for emotional ammunition, QVC is offering a collectible version of the Mormon mama in her Dancing with the Stars costumes.
The Mamarazzi has taken a solemn vow never to embarrass our children the way Stephen James, Rachael Lauren, Matthew Richard, Jessica Marie, Michael Thomas, Brandon Warren, Brianna Patricia, and Abigail Michelle have suffered. We'll show the naked baby bum pictures to prom dates, but that is it.
It gets worse. When I couldn't sleep last night due to intermittent contractions, I watched an hour-long Entertainment Tonight special on The Osmonds (I know... but you try and find something better on at 2 a.m.) and not only did they mention Marie's doll and all the DVDs that are currently available "in stores now" but also a certain You Tube video where Marie's doll kicks the asses of various other DWTS competitors' dolls. Of course, I can't find the video on You Tube, so maybe I was dreaming it... but I swear there was a Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman doll and a Scary Spice doll involved... You think I could make that shit up?
Just when I thought it was safe to turn on QVC again...AAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!!