Maybe the tryptophan is kicking in, but we want to start passing out awards. We're going to call them The Turkeys. And the first recipient will beInTouch magazine, for teasing us with the following:
This is what it says on their website:
He's been married three times and has also been romantically linked with some of Hollywood's most desirable women. Yet for nearly his entire career, Tom Cruise has been subject to pervasive rumors that he's gay. Though Tom's camp has repeatedly denied the talk, it has persisted over the years, with two men even claiming to have had affairs with him — tales which Tom was willing to challenge in a court of law. Now, after conducting an extensive investigation of the gay rumors, porn star-turned-private investigator Paul Barresi is speaking to In Touch about his findings. "Everything I've found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual," Paul tells In Touch.
Excuse us ... our gorge is rising a little bit. No, it's not all the turkey we ate. It's the idea of porn star-turned-private investigator Paul Barresi. Somehow we thought a private investigator would start his career as something relevant, like a policeman or a detective on the Vice Squad--maybe a narc.
But porn star? This is considered relevant job experience? And now he's investigating rumors of Tom's gayness? What does he do, call him up and ask him out--and if the answer is no, tell InTouch that Tom must be straight?
Hey, if it's that easy to become a private investigator, can we please be private investigators too? We'd like to investigate the rumor that George Clooney is still single because he hasn't met the right woman. Like one of us.
Well duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And I think Georgieboy has learned the hard lessons by watching all his Hollywood friends serial marriages... and divorces... which should be easy with pre-nups but they just never turn out that way. I don't think he's gay; he's just smart.