Two days ago, Keith Richards, the squirrely-mustached 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist and father of two girls who, thankfully, look like their mom, was quoted in NME Magazine:
"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."
Yesterday, Keith stated in rollingstones.com:
"The complete story is lost in the usual slanting! The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak . I took the lid off the box of ashes and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!! I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were. That tight!!! I wouldn't take cocaine at this point in my life unless I wished to commit suicide."
Whatever you say, Keith!!!!
But seriously, who can tell which celebrity quotes are true or false? Which brings us to:
TODAY'S POP QUIZ: WHICH PARENTAL CELEB QUOTES ARE TRUE?
1. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields
2. "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears
3. "I enjoy the company of cattle. I really enjoy knowing them, running my hand over them."
-Russell Crowe
4. "I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way."
- Victoria Beckham
5. "There's a sculpture in our bedroom, a solid brass replica of Antonio's manhood. It's very expensive, he gave it to me as a romantic gift."
- Melanie Griffith
6. "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."
- Britney Spears, again
7. "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
- Arnold Schwarzanegger
8. "Lighten up, everybody! We mean, who hasn't snorted their father?"
- Mamarazzi
ANSWER: They're all true! Our lawyers forced us to only print real quotes. Hey, who needs fiction? Celebrity parenting is so easy to snark.
photo: Reuters
I choose to believe the inhale story... it sounds so right on!
Memo to Melanie: Every woman's bedroom has a replica of someone's manhood hidden in a drawer.
PS. Isn't brass cold?
LMAO as I was reading I was thinking "I KNOW I've head or read THAT one... and THAT ONE... and.." Nice to know I am not going senile already at my young age!
Is it sad that I actually remember hearing Brooke say that? Almost as good as her celebrity blooper from The Blue Lagoon, "I stepped on a rock that looks like a fish"
I think Keith needs a name change.
I nominate "Methuselah."
Because I sure can't believe he's lived so long.